Feel the fear, but act through it. Call OW'H and go meet him. Take charge. He needs to see the evidence.

Charlotte,

You ARE alone. The hardest things are done alone. Birth, dying, agony in the Garden.

And you ARE NOT alone. Your supporters in cyberspace are cheering for you, praying for you.

And God is with you as well. That is where your real strength comes from. God commanded man to love his wife, to cleave unto her. God hates adultery. He is on your side as you fight to restore your marriage.

Thanks Seeking Wife & Bellevue...I will try to keep your words in my head so I can stay strong. And as to your previous post, Bellevue...yes, I gave them my cell number because I have it with me all of the time.

And if Melody is around, please let me know about calling H's boss!

Seeking Wife-I am going to set up the meeting with OWH for Thursday. That's my next day off.

Is there no way you can do this today? I know you said he lives 1 1/2 hours away, but meet him half way and do it today. The sooner he has the full truth and has those images in HIS head that you already have in yours, the sooner he can help break up this affair.

I can try but I don't know if I should leave since HR will be getting my letter today. If they take any action & talk to my H or talk to his AP then he might come storming home and I feel I should really be here whenever he does get home.

I realize that he may not care one whit about me right now and he wants what he wants and will get it however he can. I'm trying to tell myself these things in hope that it might get a little easier for it to sink in. I've been trying to get it to sink in since the confirmation of the EA in July. It has gotten easier but it's still so hard. And he started connecting with me during this time and it makes it even harder. Now I think he is fairly p.o.'ed with me, though.

I think they might be planning to run off together, either temporarily or for good.

I wouldn't worry about that! In fact, it might be better if you AREN"T available when he first hears that you contacted HR.

Here's a cute little story about praying to God for help:

During Hurrican Katrina, Bubba sat on his front porch praying for God to get him out of N'awlins. Water rose up to the top step of his veranda. His neighbors rowed by and called out to him,
"Bubba, there's room for you in this hyar boat, come with us."
Bubba told them "NO, thanks, I'm trusting in the Lawd to save me. Y'all go on ahead, I'm awaitin' on the Lawd."

And Bubba stayed sitting on the veranda. When the water sloshed into the front parlor, he climbed the stairs to the second storey. He looked out the window and some rescuers slowed down to hail him.

"Friend, we'll pull up to your window, and y'all climb in. We're leaving N'awlins for safety."

But Bubba was waitin' on the Lawd, and trusting in the Lawd, and he would not accept their offer of rescue. He waved them on.

Finally, water filled the second storey. Bubba went upstairs into the attic, and lastly he climbed up on the roof, and clung to the chimney. Overhead a helicopter hovered, dropped a rope ladder for Bubba to climb to safety, but he waved the rope away. The copter went on to rescue more willing victims.

And quickly the high water swept Bubba away, and he was drowned. And as he approached the light, he saw the Lawd. And Bubba cried out "Lawd, I trusted in you, and I waited for you to save me, and now here I am, drowned and dead! Why didn't you answer my prayers, Lawd?"

And the Lord said to Bubba, "Son, I sent you a rowboat, and you refused to get in it. I sent you a motorboat, and you refused to get in it. And I sent you a helicopter, and you refused that escape too. I gave you three chances to save yourself; what did you expect, a choir of angels?"

Charlotte, you are in the boat! Good work.

I'm not so sure you should have told WH about this because now they have warning. But, what's done is done and you can only go from here.

As far as calling HR, I would follow-up just as you would on any other business matter. If nothing else, just to confirm that your letter was received, read and noted. But maybe Melody might have better input about that.

As for meeting OWH, I would do it yesterday. So what if you WH comes home and you're not there... you're taking care of business fighting for your marriage. Fighting with him about your exposure won't do anything at this point.

What makes you think they're planning to run away together? This is SURELY information that OWH needs.

Oh and Charlotte ((((Charlotte)))) don't be afraid. We're with you. God is with you.

Seeking, agree with you! Let him blow off ugly steam with the OW.

princess meggy,

Yes, that IS info that the OWH needs.

And Charlotte, if they DO run off together, where are they going to go? If they leave town, or leave the state, will they commute to work? If they stay in town and move in together, the affair becomes mundane and loses its glamour. Nuclear exposure will tarnish the shiny patina of a secret, special love that nobody in the ordinary world can understand.

Many runaway adulterers want to return home once reality creeps in on them.

If he "runsaway" with her, it is not a bad thing. It can put you in a position of power. He has to earn his way back into the marriage, he has to fight for you and re-conquer your heart. It's a very risky move; he may not be willing to go that far.

[pats Charlotte on the back several times]

Thanks, Bellevue...I had to go cry a little while and do some praying also. I'm starting to get really nervous now. I don't want to mess anything up and do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing.

princess meggy...things I have seen and things that are missing from around the house, just small things, but mostly because of the money that's missing out of our account...he pulled out the limit on the ATM card twice in a row last week, had some lie of an explanation... then put a little bit back in. I looked back further and saw dribs and drabs being taken out. I think he's squirreling it away or he opened another account either alone or with her. I was able to get the bills paid, though.

Thanks again, Bellevue. And princess meggy. And everybody who is helping me stay strong.

I don't want to fight with him and I won't fight with him. I guess I just want to see him one last time. If he is ugly to me even if I don't respond it will be easier for me to accept that he is leaving.

Safeguard your money Charlotte.

Do you have joint savings accounts? Pull the money out and put it into a new account for safekeeping. He is an alien right now. When he returns to sanity, he will be glad that you kept your finances safe.

As for doing or saying the wrong thing, remember:

You love him. You don't do divorce; you only do marriage. You are fighting for your marriage.

Right now there's probably about 150.00 or so in there. We get paid Thursday @ midnight through automatic deposit. I guess I could pull that out Friday a.m. if I can get there first.

Should I talk to a lawyer at all about protecting finances?

I'm going to try & get in touch with OWH now if he will answer my call.

Charlotte...

Just wanted to let you know that I'm here too...Just completed reading all that has gone on with you in the past couple days...You are doing GREAT...I also wanted to remind you that fear is not from God...Don't forget to trust Him...(I forget that a lot myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) ((((Charlotte))))

Mrs. W

Charlotte,

My post got lost in cyberspace - I think you are doing great! My post wasn't to you but to Best Advisor, who I believe has ulterior motives for being on this site. I am monitoring your situation and here to help it you need me...just hollar out to me and I will send you my e-mail address.

Regards,

BB