Okay believer. That sounds like a good plan. So I should not change the locks on the house then. That might be viewed as an act of war.

I just have so many scenarios in my head...what if H freaks and burns the house down because I had the nerve to stand up for our marriage...what if what if what if

And at the same time I'm waiting for OWH to call for the meeting. I hope he doesn't chicken out.

Yeah, when I heard that it made me really sad. He called me an actual bad name, although it wasn't to my face. I can be thankful for that, at least.

The other first was him shouting at me Monday morning.

Since I should avoid him today and I'm pretty sure he'll leave home since exposure has been so rapid and (I hope) thorough?

Just stay calm, and know that you are doing the best thing to save the marriage. This isn't going to be over today, but will most likely go on and on. So rest up and conserve your energy for the war, not just one battle.

I wasn't able to recover my marriage, so you may want to listen to others' advice. But I think it is critical to follow the MB plan, and then STEP back and STAY OUT of the drama as much as possible. I reacted too much to all the craziness. I tried to catch OW and my ex together - did in fact, but it did nothing to save the marriage. It just made them cling more to each other, and partner more against me.

Once you have the proof, it is better to expose, stay very calm, and let them do whatever it is they are planning to do, and then let them suffer the consequences. Meanwhile you can be busy at the spa, getting your nails done.

Okay believer. So I should wait a while before talking to H then. If he even bothers to call me or contact me. Does this mean I'm in Plan A with a partial Plan B?

The phone just rang but only one time and the caller i.d. didn't catch the number. I'm wondering if it was H or if it was OWH. Seems kind of early for OWH. I wonder if that ring means that H has found out I contacted HR? Possibly.

Or maybe she's trying to goad him into telling me off. She's pretty pushy. (I guess that's an understatement!)

I think you should talk to your husband, but stay calm and cheerful. I wouldn't talk to him on the phone though. It seems that he is being egged on by OW. I would simply be unavailable. Make him talk to you face to face.

Also, whatever you do, don't say anything negative about the OW. I know that is hard, but will just cause him to defend you. You want her to badmouth you, and you don't have ANYTHING to say about her. In reality, SHE isn't the problem, HE is. So don't give her any power.

Watch your surroundings, because we did have one OW attack the wife after exposure. But that was only one out of thousands.

I'm pretty sure I can do that. I haven't talked bad about her. I did say her actual name to him but that's all. That was the other day.

I hope I don't get attacked by any of the three. There is a possibility of violence from OWH but I don't know if he'd direct it at me or at me, H and H's AP. But I'm not that afraid of OWH...I will meet him and show him the evidence...IF he calls me back to meet him. He said late afternoon. It's after 2 now. Still a little early for him to call, I guess.

I heard H's AP tell him I was one HELLUVA bluffer. I have news for her. I'm NOT bluffing. The way she said it, it was almost in admiration. Hmmmm. Go figure.

Hee Hee....he is so sure of himself....thinking you have no proof. You go girl!

She used to push him to go see a lawyer and that she would go with him. How sick is that? I don't know if he ever went or not.

Should I call OWH soon if he doesn't call? I'm thinking of packing up and starting off in that direction within the hour so we can get this over and done.

Call him and tell him you're ready to roll. He made need a "push", especially if he's been in denial or is a conflict avoider.

Thanks princess meggy.

Should I call him after I'm on the road? Like halfway there?

I just called OWH and we agreed on a place. He still wants it to be close to their office.

I told him I'm nearly done printing then I check the oil in the car and go.

And I'll call him when I'm on the road.

He was very polite and cordial and sounded nicer than usual. I hope that is a good sign. Usually he is reluctant to talk but I know that he knows what is going on between his wife and my H in his heart. He just doesn't want to face it. I understand.

I just hope he shows up.

Good Luck Charlotte. We're all behind you!

Make sure someone there IRL knows where you're going. If no one can go with you, then call someone and let them know. Then call while you're there and then call when you leave. Or... if you don't have anyone to call... make OWH think you do and you are (I dunno, just in case he does flip on you.)

Be strong and wise. We'll be here for you when you get back.

Think about what you want him to do and think about any questions that you may have for him.

ok. Thanks a million, Everyone. I'm supposed to call my mom when I leave. And I'll tell her the location, etc. I can't think of anyone to take with me...bro & sis are in different states...but doggone it, I'm going!

I'll check in later on.

Thanks again.

Charlotte

My thoughts are with you. Hope things go as well as can be expected.

I am back. Shocker: H hasn't been here to collect any of his belongings. I thought he might come while I was gone or stay at work with her. He did call here at 4:52, though, when I was on the road to meet OWH.

OWH took it pretty well, he didn't look everything over right away. We talked a while, I told him what I knew, he told me a bit of what he knew. He said he'd deal with it in his own way, I thanked him for meeting with me and wished him good luck. I told him I hoped he decided to try and save his marriage even though the evidence makes it seem pretty hopeless. I offered to direct him to help if he needed it and told him to call if he had any questions. His brother was with him so he brought someone with him after all.

I was afraid he wouldn't show but he said he knew I didn't drive into town much and the fact that I was driving into town showed him I was serious.

I warned him that there was some mighty explicit stuff in the evidence and I couldn't stand to read it. He said, "Well, is it in there? I'll read it!" I told him, yes, it was there and he was much braver than I because I couldn't stand to look at it.

I am now here waiting to see if H has the courage to come home and face me. I called BIL and H hadn't called him yet.

I still have his laptop...I'm not going to put it back where it was and I'll tell him I have it in a safe place to use for negotiation because he stole so much money from our account for use to further his affair. I hope this is okay. If he shows up I will not argue with him but will be pleasant. I will not be goaded. I have a headache now and I don't have the energy to get dragged into a fight with him. Bedsides, I don't want to do any LB's.