Talked to OWH, he wants to meet this afternoon near where they work instead of me driving all the way to where they live. I asked him if he could bring someone with him to drive him home because it is really going to hurt for him to have to see this but he said he would be okay. I also told him that I think they are planning to run away or take a trip together because of all of the money that is missing from our account. Am I doing okay?

Yes...Call one today...Do you mind telling me what state you are in? Mr. W is an attorney here in Michigan-not divorce law, but he might be able to answer some questions for you...Brit's Brat is also an attorney and she is posting to you as well...You'll still need your own lawyer of course, just pointing out that you are in good hands here...

Mrs. W

You are doing FANTASTIC!!!

Mrs. W

Thank you Mrs. W. and BB.

I am so nervous. I almost starting crying when I was talking to OWH but managed to hold on okay so I could talk to him. If H comes home and takes some stuff and leaves then I guess that will just have to be the way it is. If he doesn't have the courage and decency to face me and tell me he is leaving etc. then that is his weakness, not mine. I am going to do whatever I can to save our marriage and thanks again so much to everyone here who is helping me through this. I am going to start getting copies ready for OWH but I will be checking in often for everyone's great advice and support. Thank you all again. I know I couldn't do this without you all.

Thanks again Mrs. W. We are in Texas. I just called my mom to tell her I'd be meeting with OWH later this afternoon. She wants me to take someone with me but we don't have a large circle of friends so I can't think of a single person who can come with me. I asked her if she was afraid that he would shoot me and then go shoot them because both of them carry concealed weapons and are licensed to carry (I think). She said no. She asked me what if he brings his wife and I said I don't care I have hard evidence and if I don't do this to try and save OUR marriage that I would regret it the rest of my life.

I understand that the purpose of this meeting with the OWH is to give him the proof that you have, but at the same time, make sure you get as much information from him as you can. Think of a list of questions for him that you think he might know the answers to.

Ah Texas...We have lots of great folks here from Texas...MelodyLane, Brit's Brat & PrincessMeggy to name a few (maybe one of them could even recommend a good divorce lawyer for you-dunno)...You are gonna be A-Okay Charlotte...

Mrs. W

You are doing great. Of course you're scared. But you're going ahead.

I was scared. Scared of humiliation, public humilitation, and I did not take the course you are taking. I hid my face. You are fighting tears, and still going forward.

The OWH is your ally.

Your H may accuse you of all kinds of evil motives. He may call you low names. Do not take his cruelty to heart. He's not himself while he's in the affair.

Proof of the affair doesn't deserve consideration, or privacy, it shouldn't be protected.

If their love is meant to be, if it is wonderful, why would they not sing it to the rooftops? Why would they mind having photos or videos or transcripts of their true love being shown to those who are affected by it?

Why, if their love is so wonderful, once the betrayed spouses see the proof, they will experience the most wonderful epiphany in the world. They will see lovely, pure love, and out of love for the infidels, they will step aside, wave banners and throw flower petals, they will renounce their spouses in favor of the lovers.

They will proclaim the value and holiness of the True Love to the world, they will announce "Now I see what True Love is! And because I love my spouse, I will remove myself and do everything possible for the benefit of this heaven fated union!"

[hurl]

OWH may see it, read it and STILL be in denial. At least he will be well informed, though. I guess I should let him keep the copies? I decided I was going to do that, is that correct?

Thanks all of you great folks!

I'm still scared as heck but I'm not going to back down now.

You're right, Bellevue. Well said. I may not even see H today. Maybe he will hang around to see what is going to happen or maybe he will slink home and grab some belongings and leave. Neither H nor his AP believe that I have evidence. I have evidence that cannot be denied. If OWH can't accept it, maybe after he thinks about it and absorbs the images and words he will be able to accept it. It's an ugly thing. I had trouble accepting it and I am still trying to accept it. But I've been trying for quite some time now...trying to be the best I can be, working on myself and being a loving spouse to my H all the while he is sharing himself with someone else. I've been doing the carrot of plan A for a long while now, while praying for them to tire of each other and reconcile with the people who love them...myself and OWH.

I'm not trying to sound snooty or anything but I think a lesser person would have totally freaked, hit the roof and divorced. I have been keeping the faith and reading and learning and realized the right thing to do for our marriage. If it doesn't work out, at least I'll know I did everything possible to save us. H is a smart person...this is one of the reasons I was attracted to him to begin with. Maybe he will wake up and realize what devastation he has caused and is causing. If not, I will still know that I did everything possible to save our marriage and will be able to walk away with no regrets.

Maybe I should take his laptop with me when I go to meet OWH. There's a lot on there that H thinks he erased. I thought I would be so busted when I tampered with it since he is so computer savvy and all. But nope. I guess he was too blinded by lust. I'm not trying to be cocky here or anything...I'm just surprised is all.

I think if he calls today....don't answer the phone....let it go to voice mail.

That is great that they don't believe you have evidence. So now when you expose it to the OW'sH they will be totally knocked off balance.

You are doing great...keep it up.

10-4 on that. I think that is a good idea, too. I'm really nervous and jumpy right now and it would be a good idea to avoid contact. You're right on the money. And if he shows up with her to see the evidence, so be it. I don't know if that will happen but I guess that's a possibility since OWH is still so loyal to his cheating wife and tells her everything, including what I say to him. And then she discusses me in lovely, endearing terms with my own H.

Can you cancel his debit card? You definitely need to see an attorney if he's already draining money. You probably need to get a TRO in place to protect your finances and assets. Remember 1/2 of whatever he takes is yours. Keep a record. Can you go online and view your bank statement? Print out copies for safekeeping.

I'm in Texas and Texas is a community property state. Brit's Brat is an attorney in Texas and maybe she can give you a referral for an attorney. You probably need to let her know what town you're in.

Be careful when you meet with OWH, hopefully you're meeting in a public place with lots of people around. Please let us know how that goes.

Praying for you girl.

Well, of course let him keep the copies. Why not?

It's not a matter of snootiness, this decision to fight or end it. A very find woman, my friend of over 30 years, ended her marriage the day she confronted the OW at her place of work [beautifully, flamboyantly and publicly!] ending the affair AND ending her marriage [HER choice].

I wrote about that confrontation her on the Boards.

It's more a matter of what we can live with. I could have lived with the emotional affair, had my H ended it, admitted what he did, and really worked on marriage counseling.

Instead, he was on the phone with OW on the way to the MC sessions, he was on the phone with OW once we left, and ad nauseum. Still, I kept on.

It's more a matter of what each of can tolerate. The ones who come here after learning of cheating are willing to keep the marriage going, and the ones who aren't willing mostly don't even look up sites to repair broken marriages on the web.

I think you are a fine, strong and classy lady, you are brave, no matter whether you continue fighting for your marriage or just decide you are too fed up to continue.

Charlotte,
First let me state that although ALLLL of this is scary and Most Uncomfortable (while in the midst of doing it) .....You are doing a fine job of actually DOING something (to help yourself) and NOT letting the "fear" freeze you into InAction.
So although I know its hard, keep plowing forward .....its your Best Chance at Success.

Next,
I've read numerous posters telling you NOT to forewarn your WH or the OW of anything .....yet it keeps happening (even if sometimes in Smaller ways).
Please do your best to Cut That Out!
Yes, I KNOW that its sooooooooo Hard to NOT let your husband KNOW how your feeling and what his actions are doing to you ..........But telling him of what YOUR doing and whom your contacting is only hurting your chances.

Face it,
waywards thrive in the *information is power* game.
As a result,
for Sooo long They have had the advantage over you .....and guess what??? They want to keep it that way.
Let's make sure that we shift that advantage back over to you.

Keep in mind that You have a plan of action.
You know how to act, whom to contact, what to say, what to do, how to ReAct, ect.......
In contrast,
They are simply following a script that YOU already have the play by play too.
So if you can control the emotions involved (yes, I know harder than it reads) ...you CAN Succeed.
Cheaters Play hard .....so to beat them You have to Play Harder!
Sad but true.

So keep formulating your PLAN.
Decide how your going to react and handle each step,
Whether it be protecting your $$$$ OR just rehearsing what your going to say when your H Blows up at your actually wanting to stop his "fun".
You can always break down in a private moment OR in the company of a trusted alley or friend OR even on here if need be.

Just know,
that I have much respect for You and anyone willing to put themselves Out There to stop the destruction of their marriage.
Especially when it seems most everyone (in real life) is either fighting against you OR at the least, Neutral on the subject.
This is one reason UnFairs thrive sooooo frequently.
Secrecy, embarrassment & fear of "what if" are some of infidelities best friends.

But your staring the Beast right in the eyes .......and I say "Good For You"!

As to what Best Advisor said:
Yes indeed,
any eXtra info that the OWH can give you will be a bonus.
So by all means ......ask whatever you can think of. (Actually, write it down so you don't forget in the heat of the moment what you want to ask)
In fact,
Write down what you want to get across to him as well.
This is tooo important to get lost in all the emotion of the meeting [which is natural]--- (and then regret not saying while you calm down on the drive home).

Keep in mind
You only get once chance at this First Sit Down. (Especially since he seems kinda resistant to begin with, ya know)?

In addition,
do your best to get him to understand that the best alley you have, is Each Other.
Sharing information, 2 sets of (eyes, dates, times), support and of course a UNITED "Wedge" sworn to the destruction of this UnFair is in the best interest of Both of you.

I mean the impact of 2 separate spouses sending letters the workplace stating the same accusations, sure makes it a lot more difficult for a HR dept. to sweep under the rug.

In any case,
Keep it Up ........we're all Pulling for you.
Yep, its tough .......but worth it!!
{edit-sp}

Thank you, Seeking Wife. Yep, you shoulda heard what they were saying about lil' ol' 5'3" me! It hurt, though. I'm not gonna joke about that and shouldn't. It hurt A LOT. It took a lot out of me not to jump in and say, "BOO!" right then and there. But I was just so sad, I couldn't say anything. Until I woke up in the middle of the night and told H I talked to OWH. He already knew. He was keeping quiet and composed about it, is all. I'm really surprised he even kissed me goodbye this a.m. I didn't think he would since he slept on the couch. Normally he will sleep there if he is feeling bad with headache, etc. but I guess last night it was because I talked to OWH. I still had nightmares of them running away together after I was finally able to get back to sleep.

Hey top rope, nice to see you again!

Charlotte, I just had another thought.

Be careful with the laptop. I'd worry that the OWH might wrestle it away from me. BUt I'm a paranoid.....

You might offer to give him copies of what is on it. And store it in a safe place where your H can't get at it.

Thank you princess meggy, Bellevue and top rope. Now I am crying again. But I will not give up.