When I talked to OWH a while ago and told him that I thought they might be running away or leaving for some sort of getaway...he said his W is not going anywhere. Maybe my H was just going to leave me. I told him that maybe you are right, he did speak of moving in with his bro. I also told him I was glad he was able to communicate with his wife. I don't know how he is going to react to this info and I don't know why he wants to meet close to where they work. Maybe he plans on storming over there after he sees the evidence?

I feel bad for him because I know they are planning either a getaway or running away from the 2 of us, me & OWH.

Okay, Bellevue. I'm going to have to take it with me. The bulk of it is on the laptop. I have some of the evidence stored on an outside server, though. So I'll take his laptop along with mine. I will go ahead and make copies of the data. I know he'll want to go and show it to her and I will try to warn him about what will happen. This will be the end of any evidence that comes from that particular source. It's too bad, really. I was hoping to get a little more. I have enough, though. If I see any more I will vomit. It's going to be hard enough to get these copies done.

Should I direct OWH to this website? Or just show him the evidence and wait? Should I tell him to get the Surviving An Affair book AND direct him to this site?

I guess H is not going to try and contact me. I'm sure he knows about the meeting by now. And if anyone from HR or his boss called...well, he might know about the letters. I don't know what time the mail delivery is at the main headquarters. Sad thing: I sent the Halloween card I got for H to his work address yesterday. Just a card wishing him a Happy Halloween...Love, Me.

I wonder if he'll get that today. I wonder if he will enjoy the card. I wonder if he'll think about us.

If he beats you to the bank somehow on Thursday perhaps you can take a cash advance on any joint credit card you have before you cancel it. Sometimes cards even give you a cash advance check which you could use and deposit as seed money into your own new individual checking account.

Judges often hammer husbands (and wives) for leaving their spouses destitute. They will award attorney's fees and extra alimony as a punishment.

Make certain you make copies of all financial records (bank statements, tax returns, etc.) or just take and hide the originals. If he leaves...he may just grab all his/your business records which will make it that much harder for your attorney to do his/her job without such records.

Mr. Wondering

Sure Charlotte send him here...That would be a very kind thing to do, AND if you've got two BSs onboard with MB plans all the better...

Mrs. W

Thank you, Mr. & Mrs. Wondering.

I'd wait until you can be certain he is actually on your side and wants to work with you to bust up the affair.

BS fog sometimes runs thick and he could be on a fact finding mission on behalf of his wife because he's been convinced you are a crazy half-witted psychotic wife of her business associate and friend that is jeapardizing her career and their livlihood.

Only give him copies...originals should be NO WHERE in the vicinity.

Also...be careful he doesn't hit on you. It's uncommon but it has occurred. Some BS's think their best revenge will come from seducing and sleeping with the other BS. It only makes the situation much worse.

Mr. Wondering

LOL that Mr. W is contradicting me(from the next room no less)! Hmmph! Gonna have to give that boy a spankin'! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But I think once OWH sees the evidence he will certainly not believe any lies being told about Charlotte...

Mrs. W

Thanks Bellevue! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Don't get on much .......but this situation caught my eye.

(Oh the Not so fond memories of the work place A ....complete with Sex on the clock ). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> [*gaaaag*]

Next,
let me Thank All of You that are supporting, encouraging and advising Charlotte. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
I mean that.
Your Advice and persistence is InValuable to her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Your doing her a great service.

Charlotte,
All of us that have been where you are at ...we'll be holding your hand and gripping your shoulder <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> as you take these OH So Necessary Steps.

Next,
(others may differ on this) but perhaps keep your MBers info in your pocket until maybe the next time your in contact with the OWH.
(Be it phone, email, whatever)
For one,
he's not likely to be all that receptive today.
I mean its a tough time when we wake up out of denial.

Plus,
sadly he sounds kinda wishy washy to me. (Sorry but getting a bad vibe from his reactions).

With that said,
UNTIL he Proves that he's going to actually join you in fighting to destroy this A (and not simply be an enabler of it) .....I'd not want to clue his WW into your Safe Place Here.
But that's Your call.

The important part from this meeting is that he KNOWS what's going on.
There will be time after he's "on board" to decide what to do about it.

Lastly,
show Him the evidence, but do all you can to protect the source ( if possible).
That way you can still monitor and use it.
If not possible, so be it.

Wishing you Only Success in your journey! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
(edit-sp-again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />)

I just talked to BIL and told him I was meeting with OWH. H has not been in contact with him. He doesn't see his family members often and since the affair started he cut off contact with all of them, not just me. And that's including the kids. I just told BIL that if H is going to show up that today is the day and if he doesn't show up that he has run away with his AP. I told him about the missing money. It doesn't matter if he calls H. I know that H knows I am meeting with OWH today. I don't think BIL will call him but if he does it doesn't matter. I told BIL that H is going to badmouth me and try to make me out to be the bad person in order to justify his actions with his AP since it goes against his morals an ethics. I have to be the bad guy then. I don't know if this was the right thing to do but BIL told me he'd been thinking about it ever since I called him the other day and that when I said I couldn't live like this anymore it struck a chord within him. I almost broke down crying but managed to hold it in. My voice was pretty shaky, though. I might be wrong but I don't think BIL will support H in his affair because their father left their mother for someone else. This used to bother H as well. I guess he got over it since he's doing the same thing now.

How old are your children?

Thanks so much, you guys. I won't be able to protect the main source because if I reveal it...and it will be necessary for me to do so because I must be absolutely credible. I can hope he won't say anything but I can't count on it because he so deep in denial. (with Cleopatra, ha ha)

I have been very careful not to reveal the source to anyone but of course all of you here know now so all bets are off if H has been looking on this laptop to see what I've been up to. I don't think he has, though. He doesn't care much about anything but getting his fix.

25, 21 and 19. All stepchildren. We were working on our own from time to time until the A.

In fact that was one of the red flags. He told me it wasn't fair to me and I wanted to have children so I should just leave him and find someone else to have them with since it wasn't working with him.

The children should be told what their father is doing Charlotte...Excellent exposure targets...

Mrs. W

I am torn about that and also spoke about it with BIL the other day since they've already had to deal with their parents splitting up back then and so many problems with their mother taking it out on them I didn't want to reveal it to them at this point. I'm sure that my oldest and his wife might have some idea...they live in our town and we interact with them sometimes. But not that often. In fact, the last time I saw them I stopped by their home to see how it was going because they are having some money problems and we helped them out last month a bit. We were going to help them out this month but that was before the main drain on our bank account occurred. There was some drain last month but his month it was really a lot. I told BIL about that, too.

But then again, Son & DIL might not have any clue or could even imagine that H would do such a thing. Since they were preoccupied with their problems so much they may not have picked up on those vibes.

The AP made up some false paperwork about some trip she is supposed to take. I guess she showed this false paperwork to her H. I have no idea if my H helped her forge it but I'm guessing they were both in on it.

They kept talking about the countdown...the countdown...one week until...4 days until...etc. That's what it was about. Them either 1. running away together forever or 2. taking a trip together and facing the music upon return.

I am or was supposed get a call tomorrow and so he could let me "have it"..... "as little or as much as you want." Her words to my H.

He did not reply to her when she said this so I have no idea what he was thinking.

Charlotte - Do the exposure like you are planning. Then I would be out of the house and not available for phone contact. That will make the OW angry and she may LB your hubby.

The idea is to expose and stay in Plan A, and avoid the drama as much as possible. Don't talk to the OW if she calls. Let the OW and your husband go through this without a lot of input from you.

I was reading about hubby telling OW you were two faced. Imagine that! LOL. OW is about as two faced as they come. Avoid talking to her.

The best case scenario is if they DO run away together. Then they will get sick of each other quicker. But I would imagine it is more likely they are planning a vacation. Whatever it is, stay with your plan.

I can do that before I leave. Since H is in such a fog I might have to sell everything to survive. But then he might break in anyway and I don't want to be here alone with a compromised window or door. Any advice on this? Please...