And feed that horse..........

I'm back. I think I'll do that later, surviving. Maybe tomorrow.

And I'll feed her asap, believer. I just got done telling my bro everything.

I drove by our house but now sign of H. I guess he finally left, thank goodness!

I don't know if the cops were able to talk to him, I should have told them to call me.

Okay, I have another question. I have 2 different programs on H's pc. I'm thinking of telling him how to get into one of them so maybe he won't bother looking for any other. Do you think I should do this? That's provided he doesn't do a back-up and wipe the whole thing clean.

I don't know if this is a good idea. It would be deceptive but I have no reason to trust him. What should I do? The one I recently added is able to be viewed remotely. I was afraid the other one would use up too many resources and alert him.

Charlotte I was referringto this post.

Don't get ahead of yourself. It was a little crazy with posts flying back and forth earlier. LOL.

Do get in contact with MelodyLane. She will be able to help you in person. My FWW and I spend a few days with her and her husband earlier this year.

Charlotte...

I noticed that Mel gave you her email and an offer of her phone number...I can't tell you what a WONDERFUL offer that was...I REALLY hope you will consider talking with her...She is a terrific friend to have...She has soothed me on many occasions when I've been upset...Her words have acted like salve to my soul...Just wanted to let you know that would be a very safe and wise place to get advice...

Mrs. W

P.S. You are certainly welcome to email Mr. W and I too...Our email addy is in my signature! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

C22:

About this:

"Okay, I have another question. I have 2 different programs on H's pc. I'm thinking of telling him how to get into one of them so maybe he won't bother looking for any other. Do you think I should do this? That's provided he doesn't do a back-up and wipe the whole thing clean."

DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

You tell him about one, he will suspect more, and look for them.

You are the only one who needs to know.

LG

Agree with Lousygolfer!

Thanks for the vote of confidence, MrsW and BigK. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, big kahuna, Mrs. W, and LG...

I emailed Melody earlier today because she gave me her address but I haven't heard from her in person yet. I gave my cell# in the email also. I would love to hear a calm voice right now.

Here is the latest: H has changed the PW on our bank account in a feeble attempt to get my attention. I had enough time to call the bank and verify that he did not close the account. Then I signed up with MY SS# so I can get account access again. I will be going there in the a.m. to talk to someone about this. And maybe I'll just pull out what's left in there while I am there.

I don't think he wants to close the account because it was one he had before he and I got together so in total he's had that # for nearly 20 years.

At least he did not close it. I can still gain access. Trying to control me and get me to call, I guess...or react. I ain't gonna.

And I'll meet with the lawyer tomorrow. All he's doing is making me mad because he thinks I will cower in fear by dangling this over my head. This is pretty low of him. But I am not going to let him get to me.

i think you need to react sooner.....with the bank thing...he's already trying to stop your access.....i have a bad feeling he's gonna screw you over especially when the direct deposit comes in.

Charlotte, did you get my email with my phone #s?

I am going up there in the a.m., surviving. I have the name of the person I need to talk to and the lady that was kind enough to help me on the phone so close to closing time is going to give her my info. I'll go there right at opening.

I will look now, Melody...

Charlotte, it was great talking to you. Here is the outline of Plan A, which is the plan we discussed:

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A

The carrot of Plan A


Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.



The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.

Charlotte - I am a bit concerned about your husband's drinking and pain pills. Did he get the DWI while drinking or taking the pain pills?

And all the stuff you did to be sure he retained his license is more like enabling, NOT letting him face the consequences of his actions.

Does he have a history of driving under the influence of substances, or are you telling us this was the ONLY time it happened?

Thanks Melody! I replied to your email.

believer, he was arrested in December in our county December 18th to be exact.

He had gone to the dentist & had taken 1/2 of a pain pill on the way home when he got pulled over.

My mom paid to bail him out and we went and picked up the car and went home.

I keep telling him that he needs to tell our lawyer on this case about the previous arrest. He can't seem to grasp that the DA WILL find out about this because they WILL check his record if they haven't already.

So other than the two arrests, he NEVER drinks/does pills and drives?

After he got involved with his AP, he started knocking back those giant bottles of scotch the Special Blend Crown Royal. He was going through about a bottle a week. The AP is a big drinker so I guess he was trying to keep up.

One day I came home and he was wrapped in a chair on the floor passed out. I tried to get him up but he was so out of it he kept falling. I tried several times then finally gave up and called 911.

I didn't know until later how much damage I did to my shoulder. I'm still having problems that need to be addressed with it. I haven't thrown that up in his face AT ALL. I just let him know when it hurts and NEVER say thanks a lot this was because of you. NEVER.

Anyway, after that he stopped knocking back so much scotch. Before all this we were almost teetotalers, we maybe drank once a year, on New Year's usually.

I guess my calling 911 freaked out him out enough so that he stopped hitting the bottle so much, maybe once in a while. It was in July when this happened, not long after his arrest.

In fact, I ended up finishing that bottle because the stress was getting to me so bad.

The pills were bad then too. He got better about it, I stopped taking pain meds for my shoulder or anything else and cleaned up my act. I had a bit of a problem with that for a while.

So after a while he began telling me that he wasn't taking so many pills. That was good. Lately, though, he's been hitting them harder. I don't know if it was the stress of the A, guilt from the A, the work problems or what because I wasn't "misbehaving" to cause him to be hitting them so much.

That's been what some of the money out of our account has gone for...online drugs.

He's probably hitting them pretty hard right now. He had been giving me a few here and there when my shoulder got bad and I was careful not to overdo it. When I found myself going back for more I told him to take the bottle to work because I wasn't going to ride that pony again.

I think since I've been "misbehaving" lately he was giving me more to try and shut me up, too.

And she has been getting into the pills since this thing started pretty heavy also. And her H is VERY against the pill thing because he's had friends get really messed up over this. So I'm sure she's been hiding all of her usage from him. She also has her own account, so it is easy for her to spend money he knows nothing about.

I was just wondering because my sons' dad turned into an alcoholic and meth user. It finally killed him off. And he didn't start using until he was 40.

Your husband's not thinking the DWI was a big deal, neglecting to take care of it and not being worried about a past one is a big red flag. His life is spiraling downward. Be aware of that and get some help if you find yourself enabling him.

Thanks, believer. I will definitely not be an enabler anymore, in any way, shape or form.

I just got off the phone with our oldest boy and he listened to everything I had to say and said that he was sorry his dad did this thing to me. I woke him up when I called and felt bad about that but I went ahead, anyway. I told him that if he wants to tell his mom he can do that, too. I apologized to him about the money situation because we were going to give them some money to help them out again but that his dad had been stealing money from our account to use to further the A.

I told him his dad was really mad right now and he'd probably cool off in a few days. I told him I hoped his dad would bring the money to them.

He told me to be careful because I told him I had to go home & grab some things, which I'm going to do right now.

How far does his son live? Is he currently at work? Why didn't he offer to go with you?