I'm back. No H anywhere and it didn't look like he was back to take anything else...it looked the same. He forgot his alarm clock, toothbrush, deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo, etc. But I guess he has enough MONEY to buy all of that since he took so much out of our account, eh?

The neighbors scared me because I heard a car door slam and went running to make sure there was no ambush. I drove around before I stopped, though, just to make sure he wasn't lurking anywhere.

Hi BA1,

He has to go to work pretty soon, he works the night shift. At a warehouse about 10m away.

I was A-OK though, if he was lurking I wanted to go myself anyway to make sure he knew he couldn't scare me away although I am staying at my mom's/grandma's tonight.

My mom's house burned down in '97...the house still stood but it was almost totally gutted. She's been staying here since. This was another thing we had to deal with in our marriage and came through with flying colors, then. I was pretty devastated because it was my childhood home. We moved back here when I was in the 4th grade. We moved around a lot because my dad was in the army.

Oh yeah, my sister called my dad and told him and my step-mom what was up. I was glad she did because I didn't get a chance today due to all of the drama. I did talk to him briefly, though. My mom told me that my sis said my step-mom got really upset because her dad cheated on her mom.

Charlotte, do you really want him back? He cheated on you constantly, lied to you again and again, and you're actually scared of your life because of him. Can you ever trust him again? Where do you see this "relationship" or "marriage" going?

sigh........ BA, salvaging her marriage is the point here, in case you hadn't noticed.

Charlotte, BA [[censored] artist] has been on this forum for one whole week, knows nothing about MB, yet feels qualified to advise people and has appointed herself "bestadvisor." [note the self appointed "best advisor"] You night want to put her on ignore.

Can you not troll elsewhere, BA? Like maybe the general denistry board?

I don't know, BA1. At this point I still want to try and work it out, though after I talked to OWH this early a.m. wee hours I started thinking about that because I do feel different now. I still love him but something is different. Maybe something inside me has finally come to terms with what he has done since I am free of the guilt of their affair and keeping their secret inside.

I don't know. After I woke up this morning for the 2nd time I still wanted us to work it out somehow.

After his out of control actions and subsequent attempts to manipulate me via our bank account...I am resigned to the fact that he wants to be a jerk right now because he is so p.o.'ed.

I'll just calmly get this taken care of tomorrow so he can't use this on me anymore. He will then see that he can't do this and expect to get away with it.

Then I don't know what he'll do to try and get to me. Maybe he will have calmed down by then. I don't know how long it will take him to calm down but he sure can't maintain that level of anger for very long without suffering the consequences.

Charlotte, your marriage is far from over. Don't let people like BA, who know nothing, convince you this is hopeless. It is NOT.

Hi Melody,

I AM going to be staying at our home again soon, maybe tomorrow night. I don't know if H and his AP went on their little trip but he is obviously supposed to be off so I hope he is not lurking around again. He will likely overmedicate tonight so maybe he'll be so wiped out tomorrow he won't be able to move around much.

When he has a stressful even he gets really bad tension headaches and sometimes he is incapacitated. I am hoping this will be the case so I can take care of business at the bank unencumbered in the a.m.

Thanks Melody, I really have not given up yet! Though there is something different which I tried to convey but I don't know if that's what it is, I still love him. The best outcome will be for us to work things out and come out on the other side stronger than ever.

Charlotte...

Your marriage is salvagable...Something perhaps for you to consider...I once was a horrible, horrible WW...I have come full circle...Have fully repented and been forgiven...I thank God DAILY, sometimes more than once, that Mr. W chose to forgive me...I love him so fully and completely-we have a happy and recovered marriage...People can and do change...Your husband most certainly can become a man that you would be proud to love again...With God, all things are possible...

Mrs. W

Charlotte, I know you are dealing with enough stress from your situation which is pretty hard right now. I want to caution you against negative postings that seek to discourage you from following through with the Plan A and other positive guidance.

You can trust posters who have recovered their marriages after affairs. You can trust those who went through the hard times of Plan B. You can trust me, who failed to implement the exposure of Plan A. I testify to the failure to use the Harley methods, from bitter first-hand experience.

You should trust those here who are very very familiar with the Harley method and worked to know it inside and out.

I am not sure of Best's agenda. I don't know his/her history.

After all the years I have posted/read here, your story is par for a well-executed exposure. It's a classic. I'm pulling for your reconciliation and rebuilding.

Charlotte,
I have been following your whole story and you have been doing really well. I admire your bravery in the face of this.
One note of caution though...after you go collect the money out of that account Friday a.m. you might want to go somewhere "safe" like a friend's or your mother's. If he is going to get so mad that he turns violent, it will probably be after he realizes his paycheck is gone.
Wouldn't want to see you get hurt in any way.

Be cautious, be safe, and be strong!

Charlotte22, ***edit***** I never asked you to give up; I was merely asking questions based on the circumstances and not making statements. *******edit*******

What do you want here, BA? Why can't you leave this woman alone?

Thanks Mrs. W!

Yesterday when I was on the way to meet OWH and I was talking to me sister she said, "I guess they weren't counting on how smart you are," or words to that effect and I said, "Yep, I guess H forgot. He used to call me "McGruff" because of the detective in me," and because I did such a bang-up job busting my former SIL when she was doing her thing around here (Houston, Austin, etc.)-she was going to mortuary school and prostituting herself on the side and she was putting my nieces in danger. She got my wind up because of the flimsy reason she gave about this "work on the side." After that I found a list of men in her car and the heat was on!!

It didn't work out that good initially because of family pressures, etc. but they are safely in bro's custody now. So I learned to really have a lot of patience during that whole debacle and I learned to keep my mouth SHUT. Which helped a lot with H and this disgusting A.

Don't show your "tells." Yep, I learned that lesson really well.

BA, what you are doing is using FEAR to try and discourage someone who is in the middle of a major crisis...FEAR is NOT of God...Knowing that, what is your purpose here? I believe I know...

Mrs. W

Thanks Bellevue and andrew3!

Earlier I felt like the Cowardly Lion who finally realized he really had courage.

Then I felt like Dorothy, who was getting help from Glenda the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch of the West was shaking her fist saying, "Curses! Somebody always helps that girl!" (Thinking of H being so p.o.'ed & H's AP finally realizing I'M WASN'T BLUFFING.)

My Scarecrow finally remembered that he had a brain and used it to go through with Exposure.

And Tin Man has never left. His heart stays true.

And H will someday realize, "There's no place like home."

I don't want to get cocky but I still feel A-OK even though I'm a bit wired right now still from the trip home.

In fact, I think I'm going to go peruse the parking lots of the hotels in town, there aren't many, and see if H is lurking around there in hopes of getting to me tomorrow. He's probably not in town but he could surprise me. Oh yes, he very well could.

What is with you people drawing conclusions without any substantial or remote facts. What's the talk about my "purpose," "motive," etc. I was merely asking few very reasonable questions under the circumstances. She answered my question honestly and I believe it helps her evaluate and gettig closer to her true feelings and what she really want and at this moment, none of us including her knows what it is.

What do you want here, BA? You know nothing about Marriage Builders, have been here one week yet are advising newcomers [with very bad advice, i might add]. What are you doing here?

Charlotte, you spoke of feeling differently toward your husband. You are speaking like a woman who has rediscovered her backbone. You are standing up for yourself. Self-respect is glowing out of your skin.

You still love him because that is the decision you took when you took your vows. You know what loving is. It's not an emotion. It is the action you have taken to fight for your man. It is your commitment to your vows.

You were so scared, you still are. And yet you don't give up. Someday your husband will see the woman he married and be so proud of you for fighting for your marriage.