The only comment that I would like to make is that the next time he brings up the "friends" word, tell him that he is your husband or NOTHING to you. There is no in between, and it is his decision to make. Part of killing the fantasy is destroying the "illusion" that you can be friends once you divorce.

Charlotte and I discussed her calling up Human Resources tomorrow just to ensure they got her letter, offer up evidence and inform them that the affairees have been playing WHOOPIE IN THE OFFICE. She is going to ask "what will you be doing about this." This should cause some huge problems in affair land. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Right, the final touches need to be done. Loose ends tied up. Taking care of business. Finish ALL the penicillin.

LOL - what a great analogy!

Best, how many marriages have you helped to recover after an affair? Have you ever been married? Are you married now?

What Charlotte has done is nothing short of miraculous. Negative comments at this point are damaging.

....thanks princessmeggy. I'm lousy with analogies...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Hahaha....I thought so too....so that cancerous "thing" would go away.


Charlotte, great job! I guarantee you that your demeanor and posistion was not what your husband was expecting. He probably expected you to be falling apart, or whatever. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I thought all the things you discussed with him were perfect. It'll give him hope for a great marriage and he has to be growing respect for you by leaps and bounds. He now knows that you are no pushover, serious about your marriage, not a low life ho like the "thing", and he probably misses you already. I don't think he's going to want to stay away too much longer. If he does, we've got a plan for that too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Sleep well. Ya did good.

Ace, you've got mail. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Great Job Charlotte!!!

Semper Fi,

RIF

Hey Everybody!

Thanks so much for all of the encouragement! I thought things went really well. I caught myself apologizing for something at one point but I then said, no, I'm NOT sorry...because...etc. You'll have to forgive me I don't recall exactly what we were talking about at the time. It wasn't the D, but I can't remember. It'll probably come back to me, though.

I was just thinking about when he was so adamant that there was no trip. I feel that this is hard for him to face right now; that he was planning this romantic get-a-way, and that there was OW saying the statement I talked about earlier, etc., and I think he feels bad about this, that he was going to run-off for a tryst that way & leave me to rot for 4 days. I think eventually he will be able to talk about this.

The fact that OW is sharing all of the info and confessing everything really helps, I think, and helps drive home the fact that it is OVER between them to H. Otherwise, why would she share their intimate details with her SO?<<(H is probably thinking.) I think that will make a BIG impression on H; things weren't so special after all.

He can't very well deny the trip (although he did tonight) because he KNOWS I KNOW about it and have all of the info via OWH from OW, (and myself but I didn't let on that I was the one who had it first!) I think the fact that OWH and I have been talking and comparing notes made an impression on H. And I wasn't lying when I implied OWH had given me this information because OW told OWH about the trip.

Oh yeah, I forgot to add earlier: I told H I'd told OWH to bring someone with him when I met with him because it was going to hurt to see the evidence & that OWH initially said he'd be okay but then he brought his bro with him.

He never asked to see what evidence I had. The important thing is that he didn't deny the A and we were able to talk about it, thanks to Melody and others who helped me with the opening dialogue.

Also, I wasn't talking to him about it in an accusing matter or anything like that. It was like we were talking about the weather, or something.

I think I forgot to add earlier that when I asked him what he intended to do about the A, he said what is there to do? OW doesn't want to see me again.

Oh yeah, and I told him to be sure to take his Red Sox jacket with him because we have a cold front coming.

More later as it comes back to me.

Thanks again!!!

Everyone is going to attack me on this. But, I still want to ask you, how do you feel when he said that? Does it make you feel like the only reason he is willing to return back to you is because OW didn't want him?

(Sigh). BA if you really understood how this works, you would know that what he SAYS right now is coming from a place that's very confusing and foggy. She can not and should not put stock in any of his REASONS right now. And she certainly shouldn't base her decisions on how she "FEELS" right now.

How does it feel having a dead heart/soul?

Cold?

Ugly?

Empty?

Vile?

God speaks about how He gives people up...to go their own way.

Tell us, do you think this has happened to you? And does it feel as awful as it sounds?

~ Marsh

She also doesn't need to be worried for now about his motivations for coming home and ending the affair.

Plenty of satisfying recoveries came out of inauspicious beginnings.

Thanks for the input to that question Marshmallow, big kahuna,
princess meggy.

My own answer to BA is:

It didn't bother me at all. I had no physiological, emotional, or any other kind of reaction to it.

And the thought you raised, BA, never crossed my mind at all.

Oh yes, I remembered something else I didn't think I mentioned.

I don't remember at which point we were in the conversation or how it came about but I made sure to state that my motivation was not out of revenge, or to be vindictive. Every action I have taken has been done out of love. And to free everyone from the pain of living a lie.

Good for you that it did not bother you at all. Essentially that's what he's saying whether he truly mean it or not. And, next time, when he said "we will always be friends" or "I always be your friend" make sure you remind him that he can either be your faithful husband or nothing and there is no in between. Remind him that there is no "friendship" whatsoever IF the marriage ends.

*****************************************************
*****************************************************

BestAdvisor1,

This is a MarriageBUILDERS forum!!!

Please familiarize yourself with the MarriageBuilders concepts & principles!

JustUss

You are a true winner, Charlotte and God will reward your heart. This thread is such an inspiration and I'm glad someone rated it the 5 stars it deserves.

Keep it up. (You're funny as all get out, too!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ace

Thank you, Ace! That was very sweet.

After I returned home tonight I saw that H had called at 8:30. Our machine is still out of tape, I guess I'd better find one now.

I'm curious as to why he called but he did not call my cell so I guess it wasn't too urgent.

Just wanted to send out a "Thank You" to the person responsible for "5 starring" this thread.

That's more good ju-ju for myself, WS, our marriage, and our family.