In April 2005 I had very brief (no sex) fling. My husband found out in July 2006. He decided he wanted to stay married to me as I'm very sorry for everything and love him deeply. He wants me to support him when he gets sad. The problem is when he's sad he tells me how I did this to us. If I loved him I wouldn't have took that chance. He also makes gestures about adreneline and attention because that's how I attempted an explanation. There isn't any logical explanation for doing the things I did but he wants the "Why?" He gets disappointed or sad and he tells me to find somebody to make me happy. I want him to make me happy. What do I do?

What is a very brief (no sex) fling?

How did he find out?


What does that mean?


What does that mean?


What did you do?


Is your husband suffering from depression?

How long have you been married? Do you have kids?

Hi fskw,

Welcome to MB!

You had an Emotional Affair (EA) and they hurt just as much as a full blown sexual affair...

Please start by reading all of the articles here on the MB web site and start learning as much as you can about how affairs start, the dynamics of an affair, and how you rebuild your M after an affair...

Surviving An Affair is a great book that you should get and read... it will give you some concrete steps to take to help you and your H work through all of this.

I'm glad that you've come here and I hope that you will stick around and learn... It can sometimes get rough for WS (wayward spouses) but as long as you are willing to be 100% completely honest with your H and work hard at showing him that you are willing to make the necessary changes in your M, then I think that you'll find lots of support from both BS (betrayed spouses) and FWS (former wayward spouses)...

I wish you and your H the best as you start to rebuild your M.

Semper Fi,

RIF

I explained from the beginning and named a post "further details." Sorry for being so confusing.

I had an EA/crush/no sex fling in June and S found out about it. He was so hurt, it is probably one of the main reasons he moved out of the house a few weeks ago.

At the time he told me found out, I did not realize how much pain I had caused him. Right now, I'm trying very hard to win back his heart, but it's going to be a struggle as he moved out of our house.

You have a definite advantage in the sense that he is still living at home.

I agree that you have to read the articles on the site and try to understand the pain you have cause. I've just started scrapping the surface myself, but am starting to truly understand.

You've got to read about plan A. That's what you have got to do right now. That's what I'm doing. S has not made a turn around, but things have shown slight improvement.

I have read every post, book, article, columns and have been for over a year. Some days are good--some not so good. Just an example: . I told him on Thursday that I didn't want to talk to him or be around him as long as he kept being mean. When I got home I avoided him so the kids wouldn't see us fighting or me crying again. He took that as me ignoring his existence and left slamming the door. He called that night asking me what I wanted him to do. I told him to do whatever he needed to do but it wasn't okay for him to keep being mean. He said my own fault and wanted me to ask him to come home. I told him I couldn't do that and he should take that time to figure out if what he's doing is getting him what he wants. I gave in Friday night when he knocked on the door asking to talk. We talked and agreed I wouldn't walk away and he wouldn't be mean. Unfortunately, the comments have already started again. He wants me to hug & reassure him when he says something hateful instead of ignoring. Its my fault so I should step up to the plate no matter what he's saying or doing and give him what he needs. He has poked, pinched, held me against my will so I couldn't walk away from him and justifies it all.

Why do you have to walk away? You don't need to judge him to protect your boundary. If he hurts you with words...Just say, "Ouch!" Tell him you are upset and hurt by his words. Tell him you feel disrespected.

Don't say "You hurt me." That is judgmental. Own the "upset." Say "I feel hurt."

If the next thing out of his mouth also feels mean and hurtful--if his words "upset" you in any way, simply tell him so.

Just stay calm. Own your own "upset." Keep it about you and don't get sucked into an argument. If he says, "You hurt me too." say I am sorry, how can I make it up to you?