This is good. Very good. Two birds. One stone.

I have to reinforce the fact that you do not want to threaten the OM with exposure. I am a great example of what happens. I threatened and ended up being told that I was blackmailing the OM. Just expose to the chiro board, med board, etc. in addition to friends and family. Do all of your exposure at once! This will make it easier for your spouse to get over the anger of the exposure, if you keep exposing a little at a time she will build up anger.

Ryan.

I have a meeting with an atty that is an expert in sexual harrasment. I am now confused as to what letters to send and when. So far, the responses from the board have been to expose, but I am confused as to the logistiscs....

Expose to:

Other man's wife
Other man's parents
Your wife's parents
Your wife's Brother and Sisters
Your friends
If there is anyone above him at the Chiro Practice
The Chiro Board or any other med board

Do it once, do it right and make it easy for everyone to understand.

Ryan.

after further review, my wife seems to think he is now divorced for the 3rd time. How can I find out and does it really matter?

Your spouse might have been mislead by this other man. Or she might just be telling you that he is divorced. You need to find out if he is married. Maybe look him up in the phone book, drive by his house, hire a PI, there are lots of ways to get information about the OM. I used the internet to find the OM's address and wife's name and then sent her a registered letter. Becareful with what you write in the letter, because it might come back to you. I don't remember exactly what I wrote in my letter, but I know when the OM got it from his wife and sent it to my wife it made her very angry. Be concise, be clear, and provide contact information for any further clarification.

Ryan

But from my standpoint, whether he was married or divorced, he did what he did. They did what they did. I cant stop seeing the autodebits from our bank account knowing he was charging for having sex with my wife. I do want to make him accountable, but I also want to make sure I do it legally and not have it come back to bite me. If I send the letter to the board, there is a chance my wife takes his side and denies it and tells me she was just lying. What then?

Ludlow,

You will need some proof. Phone records, emails, if the affair is still going on have a PI get some photos of them together, etc. It sounds like you have some evidence, but if you feel like you need more, collect what you need, but don't wait to long to reveal, because it gives them a chance to preface their affair before you them anyone. I think that if you have emails between the two of them, and the emails to you that should be enough. I will let some of the smarter people chime in about that. I do want to be clear that when you reveal, do not tell anyone, do not threaten anyone, just do it and do it all at once.

Ryan.

Then you'd be acting based on what your wife told you originally and she'd look like an idiot. If she took his side at that point, then I'd say you've got bigger fish to fry.

I feel I have enough proof. Her lies have trapped her with verbal confessions to me and others as well as emails sent to me, supposedly by accident. (Frued?) Anyway, the best I can tell, the a is over. She is now scared ****less and I am trying to figure the course of action. I wish there was an easy answer but it seems very complex. Its almost like im at a poker table deciding whether to go all in....

She is leaving next week to go out of town. I can tell she wants to run and get breathing room. I feel I need to make a move fairly soon...

I personally don't think that your wife running should effect your decision on when and how you expose. I'd say get your exposure ducks in order and do them properly regardless of what your wife does. I'd hate to see you mess up the exposure somehow trying to get it done before your wife leaves.

I think you making an appointment with an attorney was an excellent idea. I would want him to send a letter to the board. That will certainly get their attention and I would think get the board to act on it. I agree with everyone else here that the board should definitely be notified. I would bet a dollar that he's done this before....flirting with patients, sleeping with them, etc. Once it's out, no telling who else may come forward. Maybe some of the employees in his office will come forward. Who knows.

And I certainly wouldn't care if you wife gets upset about you exposing the OM to his board. Your wife should be protecting you now, not the OM. If she comes back later and changes her story, do you really want her then? She needs to protect YOU.

And I agree with everyone else, expose all at once. Write down what you want to say to everyone that matters, get the phone #'s and e-mail addresses in place and do it all at once. I'm wondering if your attorney could also get an overnight letter out ASAP to that board, so that it can all happen at once, and soon.

I would hate to go see that chiropractor. He needs some consequences to his actions before it happens again. If he's been married 3 times, who knows for sure, then he's probably has some major issues and this just might force it for him so he doesn't victimize anyone else.

I have a strong suspicion that her best friend knew of the a from the beginning and perhaps even encouraged her to do it. How do I deal with that? Her husband and I are best friends. I can tell my WW is dying to talk with her friend (out of country)and my concern is that the BF is going to continue to give bad advice....

Tell the H about the affair and his creepy wife's encouragement. He should be told what kind of a person she really is so he can watch his back. What a "friend." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Do I confront the BF? Her and her H have a self admitted marriage of convenience with questionable committment on her part. I dont know if a meeting with her H does me any good...

I wouldn't confront her, but I would tell her H how she has contributed to the demise in your marriage. If you don't think her H would care, then I wouldn't even bother.

FWIW, I am dealing with a similar situation. In our case, I insisted on NC with the BF in addition to the OM. Originally, it was a tougher sell than NC with the OM, but it was well worth it. She was no "friend of the marriage" ... now she is just a bad memory.

And thats exactly where I am today. I want to include nc with the BF. WW will not be happy. She knows I am walking around with the power to unleash the tsunami of truth. She has written her nc letter.I have not mailed it yet. She has indicated that she is willing to work on the marriage. But I know that unless I get both the om and the bf out of the picture, it will be an uphill battle. She wants to take a job with the BF that will involve travel. She is to start tomorrow. What now??

My wife also works with the BF ... not in the same office or even the same city, but they both travelled for the company and got to meet up semi-regularly. When I insisted on NC, WW said it was impossible that they had to interact too much for work related stuff. I did some checking and found they were in two different departments and would rarely have to have direct work related communication ... so I held my ground and insisted on NC.

WW has now not talked to BF in over 2 months and there has only been one official work related email between them, which WW showed me and it was legit. Also, I made this a secondary focus of our MC sessions and the MC agreed that she was no "friend of the marriage" and helped make the case to my WW. She soon came around to seeing just how toxic this very unhappy and jealous BF really was and NC with her is no longer an issue and things run much more smoothly in R because of it.

Stand strong on this issue ... WW's especially, are vulnerable to suggestions and manipulation by their friends opinions and they will lie and cover for each other like men just won't do in most cases. Women friends are also a very jealous lot and will intentionally sabotage their friends happiness like men would never do. You likely have a serious situation on your hands ... DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE DAMAGE IT CAN CAUSE.

My WW is now incredibly paranoid. She knows I have the goods on her. She now wants to send her NC letter and work on our marriage. She even is willing to move back into my bed. Do I hold off on the full exposure to the Chiro board and see what the next couple of weeks bring. I feel like I am in plan A, with plan D right around the corner should I go with full exposure to the medical board. I also feel she would then deny, deny and say they were just close friends. My gut tells me to hang tight and see what plays out. Also, to see if she will really live by her NC letter. She hugged and kissed me for the first time in a month. I asked her if she had any remorse and she had a hard time expressing herself after that question. Does she owe me an apology now or am I waiting?