I think I understand her restoring my trust but is the just compensation portion what Harley refers to as her diving in to figure out my emotional neeeds and filling them accordingly (in a nutshell?)

Am I still in plan A? My wife has shown remorse for the A. My wife has written a NC letter and has had zero contact since 10-19. We are now sleeping in the same bed with affection and SF. She has written me a letter of apology that I believe to be sincere. We have both done the ENQ and shared our results in a 2 hour meeting that I feel was very productive. She says she wants to rebuild our marriage. I want to rebuild the marriage. She does not want to divorce. As of today, I do not want to divorce. Our kids do not want us to divorce. She seems to be willing to follow the MB plan. Once again, am I still in plan A and what next??

You both ought to be plan Aing each other right now.Have you both filled out the EN questionaire?

I also recomend that you call Dr. Harley and set up an appointment w/ him.

Can you do a Marriage Builder's weekend?

~ Marsh

So are you letting the Chiro doctor off the legal/financial hook? Lets face it...that is all he is worried about. He will do this again to someone else if allowed to.

I really want my money back from the Chiro. I am thinking about having the atty draft a letter asking for my fees back as they were earned illegally. I'm afraid a full blown assault will take us out of rebuilding mode and back into adversarial mode. My atty said to see how I felt in one month and my wife actually agreed that we should revisit the potential lawsuit/complaint then...

Ludlow, if your wife is truly willing to follow the MB principles she needs to step back and let you take care of Chiro-Boy. If you are afraid of pursuing this alleged Dr.'s
CRIMINAL activity because it would upset your wife, you just may be in a false R.

This has nothing to do with your feelings in a month. This has to do with your stopping more potential sexual impropriety at the hands of this Chiro. He needs to be sanctioned at the least. This man is a predator, and needs to be stopped.

Things seemed to be going along great. WW has read SAA, completed the questionaire and is doing all the right things. I am still in snoop mode. Yesterday, I checked her computer pattern and when she went to her horoscope, she checked hers, then the OM's and then mine. I called her on it and she said it was just habit. I couldnt let it go. I told her it was not a big deal to her but it was to me. I really believe she has had zero contact with him but it still is eating at me. So of course, I had to mention that I still want to sent the Chiro a letter and demand my money back. She got very upset and said that if I choose to send the letter, that means I am choosing revenge over rebuilding our marriage. She started crying and said that I need to make a decision on whether I can forgive her or not. I think if I send the letter, all HE** will break loose. She still hangs out with her girlfriend that gives plenty of bad advise. She also asked how I know about her computer patterns. I told her I have my ways. She is still very bitter about how I "invaded her privacy" to substantiate the affair. She says she is all-in to rebuild the affair but I am trying to decide if she is bluffing and if I am "all in" as well. How can someone go from saying they no longer have feelings for you and want a divorce 6 weeks ago, to saying they love you and want to rebuild the marriage? It has me puzzled and perplexed. On the SF side, it has been plentiful and mutually satisfying, but I must instigate all affection and sex. I told her I want her to be the instigator for sex once in awhile and she said it is not her personality to do so. So of course, I mentioned that she self admittedly started her affairs and didnt have any trouble instigating the sex in those cases and boy was that a huge lovebuster. Anyway, thanks in advance to all those who have helped and sorry for the rambling. I just needed to get some of this off my chest. Happy Tgiving...

Are you going to report the chiropractor to the board?

Melody, first off, thanks for your interest and insight. Your information has been invaluable. The answer to your question is no. If I report him, my wife has indicated that by choosing that route, I will have chosen revenge over rebuilding. She has come back to me and it feels pretty good. I dont know if I want to blow everything up now. Or do I???

So she's thrown down the gauntlet...and your are accomodating her. Love is not conditional....she has as much as said..If you love me you won't_______fill in the blank and you will live the rest of your days like this.

She has the bluff on you, my friend. It isn't revenge, it is right for him to refund your money, unless you are ok that you paid him to fool around with your wife. She's calling the shots, and if your R was going well, she would be asking which board to send the letters to.

Be very careful and watchful of this one. She should be apologetic about the horoscope thing, not accusatory, she needs to be an open book. I'm afraid she's still of a wayward mentality. "She came back to me"...her mindset should be that she is relieved that you ALLOWED her to come back to you.

Sorry, GF

Yes, you do. There is absolutely no legitimate reason NOT to report him. FEAR of your w's anger is a silly reason to protect him. It has nothing to do with "revenge" and she doesn't think that. Rather, she is still protecting him. You should not also protect him from the consequences of his actions.If it is her requirement that you protect him from the consequences of his professional malfeasance, then you have no marriage anyway. Sacrificing principles to protect evil behavior is too high a price to pay. And, it benefits NO ONE to protect him from the consequences, it is nothing more than ENABLING. THERE IS NO VALID REASON TO NOT REPORT THIS MAN.


She is very angry that you CAUGHT her, which is not a sign of someone who is remorseful. She is trying to manipulate you into STOPPING the snooping with her complaints that it is an "invasion of privacy." I would quietly place a keylogger on her computer so you can catch emails and chat logs. A good one is spectorpro or eblaster. Eblaster will email you the reports. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide.


I think what she wants is for you to FORGET her affair, which is unrealistic. She wants you to shut up about it. Tell her you are WILLING to forgive her, but forgiveness must be EARNED, it is not an entitlement. I would print this article up and show it to her.

Dr. Harley in
Can't We Just Forgive and Forget?



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