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My husband and I have been married for 6 years now and he's loving. We have 2 wonderful boys (aged 4 and 6 months).

I don't know if it's a cause for worry, but when he's been working late at times and comes home too tired for sex. I've tried calling him at his office (late like 9pm), and he is at his workstation.

We usually have sex 1-2 times a week, but these 2 weeks, he says he's too tired to have it and likes to rest instead. Will lack of sex lead to infidelity? What other signs should I look out for to see if he's really tired or simply lost interest in me? [/color]

Does he still let you cuddle with him?? or does he dislike this also..............

bb

[color:"blue"] He would cuddle me, whenver we are alone, be it in the kitchen or at the dressing table.

For the past 2 nights, he came home late like 10pm. And after settling himself (dinner, bath), he told me he would like to use the computer (at our dining area), while I could sleep first if I'm too tired. He would then come into bed only when I'm fast asleep. Had no chance to cuddle him, if you count these 2 nights in. When the mornings came, he was the same, we would cuddle in bed before getting ready for work. Is there anything wrong here??? Plz help.[/color]

What is he doing on the computer?

[color:"blue"]
Told me that he's checking some emails. I actually chanced upon him 1 time to a site that he was viewing, couldn't see it properly as he quickly switched it back to the normal email website.

Is this going to be a problem? Should I look into his log-on history? [/color]

hmm - yes for a start you should do that. It's not a good sign if he won't let you see what he is looking at. Very bad actually.

Is he into Porn?

You could also put a keylogger on his computer.

Remember - there is no certainty he is doing anything wrong apart from not being totally transparent with you about what he is doing. But an educated guess would say he's either into porn OR chatting to people online that he doesn't want you to see. Neither of those options are good.

[color:"blue"]
Thanks, will do just that.

Will the lack of sex usually lead to infidelity?
Do men need sex to make a relationship work?
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Most men would list sex as one of their top emotional needs.

But a week without sex is not going to make him stray.

You need openness and honesty - one of the 4 basic concepts of Dr Harley to have a successful marriage.

You must find out what he is doing behind your back. It MIGHT be innocent but it is a red flag. Don't ignore it.

Good advice BK. Top two possibilities!

Winth, you can get a keylogger for free either on CNET or other website. However, unless you purchase one, you will not be able to hide it completely in windows XP (keeps coming up on the programs list). Anyhow, that would be an excellant place to start.

Another thing that you can do without getting a keylogger is going online, open up "tools" - "internet options" - "delete files" and you will be able to see the history of the websites that he has visited. This will help you if he is in fact going to porn sites. You can also just get online and hit the down arrow next the address window and a list of recently visited sites will be displayed.

Probably to smart for this and he has erased the history file, but maybe you can get some info here.

THe keylogger works great especially if he is emailing someone. You should be able to get the email address as well as the password and view his emails, where they are going and content.

I hope for the best and wish you luck. KUDOS to you for being so attentive and caring about your marrital relationship!!

LT, isn't it "tools", "internet options" "settings", and "view files". The "delete" files will in fact delete the files. I think that "view files" still will show sites visited even if the history is erased... GF

GF, right but in XP, you have to pull up the delete menu before you get prompted to view the files.

So opening up that window will display other options before deleting the files

In XP it's actually "tools", "internet options" "settings" "view files".

[color:"blue"]
I've just checked his log on history when he wasn't at his computer last night.
He was into porno. As for the emails, haven't seen anything suspicious yet though.
Didn't really tell him what I knew because I figured that some porno might not hurt? Hmm... or does it? I mean guys just see porno for curiosity right?

I hinted to him that we needed time together, as a couple, and told him about the suggested '15 hours a week couple time' by Dr Harley. And that spending time on the computer, TV etc would waste our bonding time together. He said he'll try to do just that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Keeping my fingers crossed.
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How do you feel about him viewing pictures of nekkid women? Maybe even hard core screwing?

He should not be diverting his sexual energies into fantasies. It's the thin edge of the wedge. Most women would be very ofended by this.

Read SAA ASAP!

Then tell him one of his 'chicks' called. Ask him what's going on.

Watch his reaction. Don't panic. He will stress you for more info. Be vague and collected.

L.

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Actually, I felt very hurt when he saw those porno.
But I don't wish to let him know that I know about this lest he tries more effort to hide it. It was easy to check this time round since he had not deleted the history away. I figured that I might want to soft hint to him and let him divert his attention away from the media.

I'm thinking of having the keylogger in his PC and will continue to monitor if he logs onto the computer again.

Any suggestions on some user-friendly keylogger that I can use? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
[/color]

Yes. http://www.eblaster.com/
It's amazing.
Please also check out recoverynation.com, both the addicts and the partner's side. If the shoe fits, check out the partner's side; it has a forum and workshop and may be an excellent resource for you too.
PS - There are those that can look at porn and "handle" it. But porn addiction is the fastest growing addiction in the world. The "drug" of choice gets pumped into their homes and offices 24/7 free of charge. It's fantasy based and even socially acceptable to a point. Just know "all guys" don't do it instead of being with their wives. And addictive substances are never free. He's numbing out for some reason. Choosing anonymous porn over intimacy with you is a big red flag. Don't attack, but don't ignore.

Best of luck.

Winth,


Do you want him to replace YOU with this form of adultery?

-LE

[color:"blue"]
Thanks so much!!! Can't be more grateful. Saw the recoverynational.com, well, I think he belongs to the mild type. [color:"red"] BUT I'LL BE MONITORING AND MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T GET WORSE.[/color]
[color:"blue"]
Well, actually after knowing that he visited the porn sites, we have had a discussion about his emotional needs that night too (but I did not mention anything about the porn sites). And he did mention that his priority list in his emotional needs would be sexual fulfillment.
He has had a number of requests on BJs before and I've always ignored those requests. Well, I like to do it but sometimes, I am just too tired after putting the children to sleep.
It's something that he seems to like, as part of the foreplay before we get into any sexual intercourse. And sometimes, he would like BJ to be given with or without sex afterwards.
I know this is weird to ask, but do you people perform BJ on your spouse/partner? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
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[color:"blue"]
Hi LE,
Thanks for your concern and I do understand what you mean. Of course I don't want that to happen.
But I just can't bring myself to confront him if he's just visiting it out of curiosity. Well, the truth is, I do visit such porn sites at times when I get bored (and to 'shop' for some new positions that I could use). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
And I don't want to jump at him unless I get the proof that he's doing it perpetually. Or if the frequency of our sexual intimacy markedly decreases.

And I'm installing the keylogger into our home PCs tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
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