Has anyone here been married to a serial adulterer - someone who has had more than 1-2 affairs over the course of years - chosen to stay and now has a successful happy marriage? My husband says he loves me, he says he is changed now that he's gone back to church, he says this last one was because he was worried about my health problems, afraid to talk to me and needed someone to talk to so he called an old friend from his old job. She came to see him and it escalated into a physical relationship because I was so depressed about my health I'd basically shut him out. It is true that I had no interest in sex for a few months and he rarely got any, but I don't find that an excuse for his behavior. After the physical aspect started, because he needed the comfort, he found himself confused. He cared about her as a friend, but he says he confused it with love, although he swears he never told her he loved her. He says now he knows he never really loved her, he was just hurting and needed someone. I told him I was hurting and scared too and that's what makes his actions worse than any time before. My husband has had several sexual flings and four "romantic" relationships in our 22 years of marriage. I just don't know what to do this time. I have a lot to lose if I leave him and I ache when I think of putting my kids through a divorce. Am I a fool? Is there any chance at all? Has anyone here finally made it work? Last night he told me he is at peace in his heart for the first time in years because he knows in his soul that he won't cheat again. He has been very remorseful and has opened up with me more than ever before. He's cried a lot and says he wants to help me to trust him again, he wants to be my lifeline that I can grab when I'm drowning. I know he says he's disgusted with his own actions but I can't help wondering how sincere he is. Ive heard a lot of these things from him before. The only difference is he has come back to God and to church. We are in counseling and working on a dialogue program we learned in a Retrouvaille program through our church. He says he feels better than ever about our relationship because now we are talking and he knows how to communicate with me, although he still says he doesn't know how to pull me out of my depression. He understands now, though, that he can't pull me out of my depression. Only I can do that. Just like the only one who can decide to love me and be faithful to me is him. I can't do it for him. I am having a really hard time with this on top of everything else going wrong in my life. Am I stupid to try and go forward and give this at least 3-6 months in counseling before I make any decisions about staying permanently or leaving? I've been with him since I was 17 and I'm 42 now. I don't know how to be with anyone else. I don't know how to start over again and I have so much to lose. Can anyone help me with some advice or just tell me they made it work? Has anyone just ignored the affairs, like Hillary Clinton maybe, and stayed because leaving would have cost them too much? I don't want to be a married single. I think I still love him, but I love the man I married who pops up once in a while, not this man who made a lifetime out of lying and deceit. Can he go back? I know you don't know him so you can't really say. I'm just so utterly confused I don't know what to do.

I think being a serial cheater is like being an alcoholic. I personally dont think the person can change. IMHO at least. I have a friend that cheated on his first wife multiple time, cheated on his second wife multiple times...........got caught finally and turned his life over to christ. This friend didnt have another affair for over 6yrs......but, the right opportunity came along and bam......another affair. He went up in front of the church, begged everyone and his wife for forgiveness and has been a good husband for the past year.

I think he will cheat again.

Hi merrycat-

Yes, there are many people here who have survived "serial cheating" and now have happy marriages. My favorite is RIF- he is here on the night shift (he's in Afghanistan) and hopefully he'll have time to write to you.

I wanted to address the cheating that happened when you were ill: it happened to me as well. My husband said the same thing as yours (he was worried, he didn't know how to handle it, he reached out to his co-worker because he didn't want to burden me since I was hurting so much). I've since read that this reaction is very common, especially in men, when their spouse is sick. It's awful because it feels like a double whammy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there- hopefully you'll get lots of encouragement from the wonderful people here.

~Saturn

sheeesh, have you ever heard of recovering alcoholics? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I haven't had a drink in 22 years, so you won't convince me or the other thousands of recovering alcoholics that people can't change. They can and do.

It is the same with a serial cheater. With a serious committment and willingness to change their lives, they CAN and DO change. However, they cannot be changed against their will. starfish's H was a serial cheater and I believe they are several years into recovery.

Just so you know, some people CANNOT overcome the resentment of serial cheating. You may have to accept that you are one of those people. I would not be able to handle a repeat affair myself, just because of my personality make up. You mention Hillary Clinton's ability to just ignore his affairs, however, your depression indicates that you are not successful at ignoring his affairs and the subsequent fall out. You might not want to use her a role model.

I believe ole' Hillary has her own PLAN and is just a verrrry patient woman. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And verrry strategic when it comes to her career. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Merry, here is what Dr. Harley says about multiple affairs, but you should read the entire article:

entire article at: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5062_qa.html

This is GREAT because you said he has come back to God AND to church. Does his lifestyle reflect this? Lots of bad people attend church every week. Going to church (alone) doesn't mean anything but if he’s consistently seeking after God, that a big difference.

I can relate to what you're feeling because my WH had two affairs (although not over a period of years). How did I know that he had changed for good when I took him back for the last time? I didn't. In fact he was still pretty foggy at the time.

The difference was in what he did after he came home. He actively began to seek after God. His whole lifestyle changed. He was willing to do the work to make things up to me. His whole life is now centered around God and his family. In fact, he's a full-time Bible student (at the age of 57!).

So, complete recovery is possible. Will you ever forget? Not if you know what's good for you. Will you ever forgive. Yes, but it may take you a long time to get to that place in your heart.

I'm married to a serial adulterer. I also have a history of depression, so I have an inkling of how you feel right now.

Can people change? Yes, they can. However,they have to want to do it for themselves. You can not be responsible for their actions. When you hear someone begin to blame themselves for their own choices and stop blaming you and your disease, you know that they are sincerely seeking recovery.

We've been truly recovered now for four years. We have a 2 year old son added to our family and my parents call him the miracle baby because he helped heal a lot of family hurt.

We went to a solution oriented counseling provided by the military. My work with MB techniques, the 180s, divorce busting, and personal growth were only part of the reason we are happy today. My husband's absolute insistance on being fully accountable for his time, money, whereabouts, and his understanding of my own anger and resentment is really what saved this marriage. A spouse can't do it alone. The BS honestly needs the WS to do actions, not just say what we need to hear.

Yes, we are happy. But there is not one day that goes by that I am not prepared to learn he had another affair. Its tougher even now that he is away from us in Cuba serving.

I live my life with an exit plan in my head. I will not go through this again. Realizing I had power really helped me pull myself out of my depression and helped me get on the road to recovery for myself.

I stayed because I wanted to make one more last ditch effort to do everything I personally could do to salvage the marriage. I knew that *I* personally would regret it even just a few months down the road. I knew myself and I knew I could do it just one more time. However, I went one more time knowing that I wouldn't stick around if it happened again.

Its going to take a long time, though, to get over the resentment. I know I'm struggling with that this year and its not helpeful that he isn't around.

You have to know what you can take. And you have to be able to tell yourself that it is honestly OK if you can't stay. You should bear no guilt at all if you need to leave for your emotional health. Please know that. Its extremely important.

I wish I had the answers.

Since I don't, I'll share the point where I'm at. Right now I truly believe that he's trying to make this marriage work and does not intend to cheat in the future. I'm realizing that I'll probably never reach a point where I believe 100% that he'd never cheat on me again. I don't even want to feel that way, because the last time I did I was blown out of the water by a dating ad I found online. Since I can't make him never cheat on me, never be certain he's affair-proof, the best I can do is accept that this is the way my life is. Like Mojo, I have an exit plan and I always will.

It's very possible that we could go the rest of our lives without dealing with another affair, and that's the potential that I'm holding onto. For now, we have a pretty happy marriage, we're good friends with each other, and we're a pretty healthy family. Right now, I believe that being together is a good thing for our children.

Oddly enough, I'm mostly at peace with that. I've been faced with a lot of choices and this is one I'm most comfortable with. It's not the best I could dream of, but it's the way it is.

If the situation changes, I know I'm free to go.

Hi Merrycat,

Mrs. RIF had 9 A's during our first three years of M... I found out about one A and I suspected another A during this time. I didn't find out about the other A's until 10+ years later when Mrs. RIF finally confessed all of her A's.

When Mrs. RIF finally confessed, I was determined to at least try and rebuild our M, so I told her that MC was a condition for me staying in the M. We also went to couples counseling with one of our pastors.

It is possible to rebuild your M after multiple A's... Like many have already mentioned, some people can't deal with the additional pain, and to be honest, that's OK. For me, I decided to try and rebuild because we have three beautiful daughters and we had 15+ years of history together.

I can honestly say that Mrs. RIF and I have worked through each and every A and we both know how to protect our M from future A's. Rebuilding after multiple A's is very hard, but it CAN be done.

Semper Fi,

RIF

The last time my husband confessed an affair to me was 10 years ago. He had maintained that he had been faithful for the ensuing 10 years, even though I had suspicions while he was on active duty with the Army Reserves in 2003-2004. He says now that he is telling me the whole truth and has no more secrets or lies, but had to come clean about everything. A month ago he confessed one affair that happened about 14 years ago with a girl he worked with and I honestly had no idea. Then he told me while he was on active duty there was one girl that he slept with a couple times over the course of 2-3 weeks, but it was just sex (like that makes it okay). This latest affair started in August but she only came to him on his 3rd shift rotations so in a five week period he was on 3rd shift 2 weeks, three weeks apart. He says in total she came to see him about 6 times and they didn't have sex every time because we'd gone back to church by then and he was having a hard time with his conscience and realizing he was only using her for comfort because he was terrified about my health problems. I find that hard to understand, but I guess it makes sense to him. He had decided to end it the day he confessed to me. He swears he did go from 1996 to 2004 without an affair of any sort, emotional or even just physical. If he could go 8 years, why not forever? I have no guarantee that he won't go another 8 years or so and then have another and he knows that it's a possibility, even if we get our marriage healthy and work daily on meeting each others' needs and being happy. That's why I'm so confused. RIF, do you still have periods of resentment? Does it still feel sometimes like someone else is in the bed with you? Do unexpected things trigger your feelings of despair and anger? Do you still find yourself suspicious sometimes, checking her email and cell phone, etc...? Are you still in the Marines? My husband is retired Army and many of these affairs happened while he was away from home on active duty with the reserves. But I guess if he wants it, he'll find a way.

Hi Merrycat,



I don't have any periods of resentment anymore nor do I have feelings of despair or anger.

I do still have 'triggers' from time to time, but I no longer 'react' to them like I did early on when Mrs. RIF and I were rebuilding.

It sounds like you and your H have never worked THROUGH his A's... it sounds like he just confessed all and you both are trying to move past it and for you, it isn't working.

Have you guys been through MC together? If not, I would suggest that you do that immediately. The feelings that you are experiencing are very 'normal' and until you both work through them, you will continue to have them.

You guys CAN rebuild your M, but it will take some serious MC to help you both work through his A's.

I got out of the Marines when I joined the Army ROTC and I've been in the Army since 1987... I'm in the reserves now and will retire after I finish this tour.

Semper Fi,

RIF

I was married to a serial adulterer for 25 years. There were 7 affairs that I know of. He always promised he'd changed, that it would never happen again... but it did.

We went to several different counselors over the years. Finally the family counselor I was takign my daughters to told me that my husband was a sociopath. Since then I've seen some references to a link between sociopathy and serial adultery.

IMHO serial adultery should be treated differently than just a single adultery. The recovery and rebuilding of trust will take a lot more work and time. Adultery can make any otherwise sane person act like a lunatic while they are under the influence of the adultery addiction. The craziness is temporary and a symptom of the adultery. On the other hand serial adulterers bring some serious self-flaws with them into the marriage and the adultery is just one of the symptoms. The problem has to be dealt with - not merely the symptom.

I was willing to do the work of recovery but my WH was at best just pretending to. Like you, I really did love him and didn't want to divorce. But in the long run he put me (and our daughters) through a VERY painful divorce anyway. There's no guarantee that just because you choose to stay with him that you will avoid divorce.

IMHO I can't even picture what if anything my WXH could say or do now that would enable me to ever trust him again. After all those broken promises how could I? He never appeciated the fact that I forgave him and gave him another chance anyway. Apparently he felt entitled to me AND OW so why would he appreciate anything I gave him of myself? You don't appreicate somethign that you feel entitled to in the first place. He had zero true empathy and purposely hurt me over and over again. I wish I had caught on sooner that when he apologized and made promises he was at best play-acting at being a person of integrity.

A sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy are two of the characteristics of a sociopath, BTW.

Again, it is important to realize whether this entitlement and lack of empathy are a temporary out-of-character thing brought on by the adultery, or whether those character flaws are always there, occasionally surfacing in adultery, and othertimes covered-up by carefully crafted con-artistry.

I'm not saying there is no possiblity of recovery with a serial adulterer BUT I DO think it requires MUCH more than MC. The serial adulterer would need individual counseling to deal with their sociopathic tendencies too.

And as already mentioned, an extrordinary level of accountability would also be a requirement in order to rebuild trust and safeguard the marriage. And this accountability would have to be permanent - not just something the adulterer resentfully agrees to temporarily until the betrayed spouse can be lulled back into a false sense of security.

In my case the ONLY way I would even consider reconciliation with my WXH to even the friendship level, let alone becoming romantically involved with him again, is if he became as anti-adultery as humanly possible, VOLUNTEERED to become completely accountable for the rest of his life, and basically took the lead in setting up counseling, learning about how to do the recovery, etc.

You see in my case after a while I figured out that all I was doing in trying to tell/teach him how we could repair our marriage was giving him tips on how to become a better con artist - what key words to say the next time he needed to apologize and promise... without really meaning any of it. Actually the last few times my WH tried to contact me with reconciliation attempts he had absolutely no plan whatsoever on how specifically he was goign to change or what he was going to do to repair the damage he'd inflicted. He just wanted to see if I'd be willing to pretend it never happened... AND he wanted to talk me into 'trying' again while keeping it secret from his family in case it didn't work out! Of course I declined those offers. I will NEVER again give my WXH any assistance in repairing our relationship. I've already done way too much in the past and have no further obligation or desire to do more. I figure if I had really ever mattered to him he could have found the same counselors, books, internet sites that I had in my attempt to save our marriage. It was very painful to accept the fact that I simply did not matter to him, that he probably never did love me. But I probably should have dealt with that painful fact decades sooner than I did.

Luckily I escaped with no diseases. And most of the time now I am quite happy and feeling more and more over him.

RIF, we've been to MC in the past, but he always felt that the counselor was on my side and everyone was ganging up against him so he never put any effort in. This time we have gone through a Retrouvaille program with our church which is a marriage encounter program learning how to communicate/dialogue. We are starting counseling again and this time we both seem to like the counselor (small miracle there). Maybe we've found the right one this time. I worry though, that maybe he doesn't really love me, he just thinks he should. Why else would he keep looking for someone to take my place? How else could he betray me that way, all the while telling me every day he loves me and still having sexual relations with me? He is accepting his blame for this and he really is trying this time. I just don't know if I have any hope at all.

If he hasn't already I assume he is planning to get tested

for STDS...every several months for a year...
and that you plan the same...
BUT
that he makes the appointment and follows through 100%

watch his ACTIONS
and that should numero uno

ARK

merrycat - I agree with Arks' advice to watch his actions, over an extended period of time.

Serial adultery means there is a repeated problem with relapses. Actually IMHO the 'relapses' are the real deal and the temporary periods of 'recovery' are either con-artistry or white-knuckling attempts to resist the ever-present addiction.

With AN affair the addiction and withdrawal are phases of limited length during which the adulterer is behaving out of character. With serial adultery, the adulterer is behaving as their real self while involved in adultery and being a poser when in recovery. OK, maybe a recovering serial adulterer isn't always purposely fakign it during recovery, sometimes they really do believe THIS time they have really kicked the habit... but as with all addictions they most likely will need professioanl help and a lifetime of vigilence to successfully overcome serial adultery.

I think you should be concerned about your husband's desire to only go to counselors who are not on 'your side'. What exactly does he mean by that? What specific things would a counselor have to avoid saying in order to be acceptable to him? What sort of beliefs about marriage, adultery, and divorce would a counselor have to ascribe to in order for your husband to not feel 'ganged up' upon?

BTW, there is NEVER an excuse for a truly repentant, reformed WS to 'never put any effort in'. The true reason for an adulterer to not really put any effort into recovery is because they are not yet ready to stop the adultery lifestyle. If they really put effort into marital recovery they would be depriving themselves of excuses to stray. Serial adulterers need somebody to blame (the betrayed spouse or maybe even the counselor who didn't take 'their side') or somethign to blame (the problems in the marriage that didn't get solved because they didn't put the effort in) so they can continue in their serial adultery lifestyle.

That's not to say that they don't have periods of time when they are not currently involved with an OP, when they really do seem to be in some sort of recovery. But watch carefully what they actually do while in recovery. Are they pro-active about setting up counseling appointments, finding books about their problems, eliminating temptations and being accountable? Do they view the steps necessary for recovery as temporary or punishment? Do they expect YOUR recovery, forgiveness, and trust to be quick? And do they think that once you've recovered the measures taken to rebuild your trust would no longer be needed? Do they realize, and willingly accept with no hint of resentment, that they will have to become VERY accountable to you for the rest of their lives?

One thing I picked up on in your post is that you wonder if he really loves you or if he just thinks he should. I think what you're picking up on is maybe that he's employing some con-artistry skills: saying what he thinks you want to hear in order to keep you hanging on. Although I don't think you should assume that he's looking for someone else to take your place. It's not about you.

He's like an alcoholic who has bottles stashed here and there, a few favorite bars he sneaks off to, and when he goes out to lunch he goes to restaurants who serve liquor. Now that alcoholic may very well have some booze at home too in his own fridge that he can and does drink. BUT he does a LOT of drinking on the side too that the folks at home may not know about. The problem is HIS addiction - not you. HE does not have a normal healthy relationship with himself, God, or any person including you. He uses people to try to satisfy his addiction. If he was married to one of his adulteresses he'd be trying to talk you into having an affair with him.

Has anything he's said to you or counselors indicated he even realizes he is a serial adulterer and an addict?

IMHO the Retrovaille program is a good program AFTER the serial adultery addiction has been dealt with, but IMHO honing his communication skills while remaining a serial adulterer might just make him more skilled at conning you.

MerryCat, this link will take you to a description of serial adultery. Note that even though there may be periods of recovery that is not proof that the problem has really been solved and that there won't be yet another relapse:

http://www.affairrecovery.com/5-types/wrong-places

So I'm not sure what to do at this point. Am I just fooling myself? He confessed the last affair to me without any suspicion on my part. He told me that he'd sought her out (and he admits HE sought HER out) because he was scared with all the health problems I was having and needed someone to talk to. It started out as talking and then, as I'm sure she sensed his vulnerability, it progressed to a physical relationship and then of course, emotional. The first time she told him she loved him he says he panicked and started trying to figure out how to get out of the situation. He said the guilt was horrible. When he was with her he couldn't get me out of his mind. He said before he'd been able to "compartmentalize" his brain and put me and the kids in a box so he didn't think about what he was doing wrong or the guilt. This time, though, he says I wouldn't stay in the box. He said that during encounters with her he felt himself on the verge of tears because I kept "escaping" from the box and he found that he was desiring me instead of her. I'm not sure how to take that. Instead of stopping, though, he had a "let's hurry up and get this over" frame of mind, like he didn't want to hurt or disappoint her. He told me he couldn't really perform with her but that she told him it was okay, she understood his stress. That was probably TMI for me, but he volunteered it. He knew it was wrong, but he didn't know how to end it. He says he'd made up his mind to end it when he told me. He was the one who initiated getting counseling this time and he was willing to drive 9 hours for our Retrouvaille weekend in Texas, knowing we wouldn't be able to go to any of the post sessions until there were some closer to home in a few months. We do our homework/dialogue every night and are talking now more than we ever have. He is going to church every Sunday he isn't working and he went to confession, which he hadn't done in over 20 years. He's reading the Bible, praying with us as a family every night and he's being more open and honest with me about the things in our relationship he feels unfulfilled with than he has ever been in 22 years. I don't think he's just telling me what I want to hear this time, because some of the things he's told me have really hurt and they had the ring of truth to them. Then again, maybe he's just getting better at hiding his true feelings from me. He swears he hasn't contacted her since he broke it off and that he has not heard from her either. He could call her from work anytime and he could have her come up there anytime and I would never have to know. I'm just having to take his word for it right now. I've never seen him this emotional before and his grief and remorse seem very real. He cries a lot when we talk, but I don't know if that's grief for what he had to give up with her or for what he did to me. I know there's no guarantee that he won't relapse and in fact the odds are against us. The odds are very high that he will go a while being faithful and then find himself in another "unplanned - it just happened" affair. I'm very well aware of that. The longest he's been faithful to me in our marriage was 8 years, although of course, he lied and said it had been longer. I've had to take a look at myself and my behaviors that have contributed to some of the unhappiness in our relationship and I don't like what I see sometimes. This time, though, he isn't blaming me and the things he wasn't getting from me. He started out that way, but now I hear him saying it was his fault, it's his problem and he has to find out what the "triggers" are and why he lets himself get into situations that are dangerous where he could and probably will "let his guard down". He understands that the things we put in place, together, for regaining my trust will probably be forever; at least he says he does. He is committed to going to counseling and doing our Retrouvaille homework right now. I don't know if that will last or even if his religious conversion back to the church and turning his life over to God will last, either. I am really well aware that I have no guarantees and that in a few years I could be right back where I am now. I've asked God to guide me and I thought He wanted us to reconcile because He made it possible for us to go to Retrouvaille and counseling, removing obstacles from our paths to get them started, but it seems like a mixed message now because some of the things seem only to be able to be done halfway, like not being able to go to the post sessions for Retrouvaille and if I get a job soon, which I must do, I will not be able to continue with counseling. So I am completely lost and confused. I know no one can tell me what I should do. Opinions here are split about 50/50 whether I should continue to stay with him and try to reconcile or whether I should file for divorce right now. Why does this have to be so confusing? How can I risk putting my heart on the line again? Why doesn't God just tell me what His will is for us instead of giving us hopeful signs, only to take them partially away? I feel so lost.

Mortal, I went to the website and I'm not sure about it. Some of the things seem to apply to him, but some don't. We had a discussion yesterday and i told him I don't think he loves me and it seems like the affairs have been his way of pushing me into kicking him out so he could be free of me without having to be the "bad guy" that ends the marriage. The problem is I haven't ever kicked him out. It's like I'm a bad cold that won't go away. When I talk about divorce he gets upset and every time he cries and asks me to forgive and he wants to stay. I'm really confused now because he told me last night that he has had situations where in his mind he actually has had times when he 'debated", for lack of a better word, whether he really loved me and wanted to stay with me or whether he wanted to be single again. He told me that it was never about any of the specific women, they were symptoms of something larger. There have been times in our marriage that he has been unhappy and he has blamed me, but these times have corresponded with times he's felt like a failure or out of control because he lost his job or something like that. He said yesterday he knows it's him, not me and he wants to find out what triggers these feelings so he can understand why he lets himself get into these situations. When I told him that I'm pretty convinced he doesn't love me, he said he's fought that battle in his head before and he knows he loves me. When I asked him how he knew he got agitated and said he can't tell me how, he just knows, he still desires me, he still wants to be with me and grow old together. I'm just confused as all get out because I don't know what to believe. I know I can't make him love me if he doesn't, but he thinks he does, or at least believes he should, I don't know which is true. Either that, or he's in denial because the thought of divorce terrifies him. I think we're closer to the truth than we've ever been, though. It's possible to love someone, but not like them very much and feel as though you can't spend the rest of your life with them, but you can love them and spend time with them periodically. I feel that way about a family member that I love with all my heart, but that I can only take in small doses because she drives me crazy. If that's the case, is anything I do going to make this better? It's got to come from him. Retrouvaille says love is a decision and he has to decide to be loving towards me. I'm gonna screw up and irritate him sometimes, that's just human nature. If he chooses to be loving, he's going to have to let that go. I don't know what to do now. He cried and begged me to understand that he loves me. That he put that battle behind him years ago, but if that's true, why did he have an affair only a month ago? Maybe he would be happier single, but he told me he's afraid that if he gets his head together and wants to come back to me, I won't let him in. He reminded me our counselor told us to give her at least three months before we make any decisions so I guess I need to honor that committment, but how do I live with a man that I doubt so very much? This hurts too much to deal with, but the idea of divorce hurts even worse because I know, deep down, I still love the man I married and sometimes I still catch a glimpse of him in there. Sometimes I really feel his love and sometimes all I feel is contempt and resentment. Why can't I just make a decision? Is it worth staying with him, continuing to talk and go to counseling and try to see if we can figure out his issues and my issues so we can try to make this work or is there just no hope at all? Do you think, from what I've said (mind you this is my side of the conversation as I remember it) that he really does believe he loves me? He's the one who told me that the whole time he was with the last one he wanted me and couldn't get me out of his mind. Was that just telling me what he thought I needed to hear or was it honest? I just don't know. My health isn't good right now and I keep thinking that maybe I should just stay for the moral support and to avoid the pain of being alone while I deal with my scary health issues. I just don't want either one of us to live a lie and I don't want him to be in denial of his true feelings. Lord Almighty please help us.