Please see below for my post. I posted in other board, but was suggested to me that this board would be more appropriate. I know what I wanted now, but I'm just someone who always wanted to be sure. So any advice are welcome...
He was cheating for five years and promised to stop, but never did for so many year. Time after time I caught him cheating again with the same woman. Now he said he's has not cheat on me for the last six months, but it's hard to believe after so many lies. I doubt that he did. Anyway, I really have enough of this life and marriage and just wanted to move on with my life. He said he wouldn't leave, the only way he would leave would be that I cheat on him. I would never stood down to his level, so I will never cheat, but I hated this life we have together. I stay as long as I did because of my two beautiful sons, but I'm so tired of going in circle. I just wanted it over so I can be at peace with my life and myself. I rather live the rest of my life alone than to be with a man who continues to cheat and inconsidered of my needs and feeling. I am very confuse as to why he would not want a divorce. After all he was the one who cheated.
Post Extras:
Soolee
Member
Reged: 04/07/05
Posts: 1842
Re: He cheated and now I want divorce [Re: HappyFeet]
#3324686 - 10/25/07 12:53 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
You're hurting, and I get that, but I'm not clear on your intentions to divorce versus work on the marriage, or why would you be here?
I sense that you don't want the marriage to end. Could that be true?
Marriage Builders is a good program. Since you do have children together, I wonder if you and he could work together on this program to see if there is something you can do to save your marriage?
Even if he's not interested, do you think it's something you would like to try on your own, just as a way to assure yourself that leaving is the right choice and also to assess yourself as a good partner?
There is also an infidelity board here that may help you more than this one. Feel free to post here, but I just wanted you to know that it's there.
--------------------
Sooly
"If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world."
Me 44
DH 44
Together for 25 years.
Married 18 years.
Edited by Soolee (10/25/07 01:05 PM)
Post Extras:
MrAlias
Member
Reged: 04/09/03
Posts: 2628
Loc: Wisconeeee Re: He cheated and now I want divorce [Re: HappyFeet]
#3324693 - 10/25/07 01:07 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Previously posted by HappyFeet:
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is it normal for me not to feel sad or angry towards my husband for throwing him out and wanted a divorce? He was having an affaire for five years and I knew for four years. Time after time, he promise to change, but never did. I gave him all the benefit of the doubt and he never changed. He does not work and spend a lot of time out, either in the casino or elsewhere with his girlfriend. This last weekend, I dropped off my two sons at my parents and went out for a day and one night and when I came back, he was very angry. He broke my brother's quitar and hit my son on the leg when he came to my parents and found out that I was gone. I have enough and I want a divorce. I heard people said that divorce is very hard, but why am I so relief and not sad or angry. Please advice....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I posted your other thread post here with this one because it contains some very pertinent information and it helps to keep all your posts on one thread.
I'm curious why you'd want to subject your beautiful sons to a man who cheats, doesn't work, isn't around and commits physical abuse? Is this what you want your kids to see.
I'd suggest you think long and hard about why you'd want to stay with such a man and why you aren't concerned about the message and the lessons this is teaching your boys. You don't want them to grow up to be like him do you?
What are the benefits to staying with a man like this? What does he provide?
--------------------
Me: 44 Her: 41
M: 18 years
Kids(DS9, DD7, DS5)
There are times when a man should be content with what he has but never with what he is.
- William George Jordan
Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. - Dr. Alexis Carrel
Edited by MrAlias (10/25/07 01:08 PM)
Post Extras:
HappyFeet
Junior Member
Reged: 10/19/07
Posts: 7
Re: He cheated and now I want divorce [Re: Soolee]
#3324696 - 10/25/07 01:15 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Before all the cheating start, he worked three hours away and gone five days a week. He started chating with other women online and it turned into a full blow affair. It's funning, but his girlfriend and I have the same first name. I'm not perfect by any mean, but I think we just don't have the emotional connection that we used to anymore since we only seen each other on the weekend. He quit his job three years ago, but he never be willing to work on our marriage and continue to cheat. My feelings was never seem important to him even in our early marriage year. He live his life as he was single. Gone two or three days without calling me or letting me know where he was. If I get mad at him, he would get even mader at me. He would drive all over the road to intimate me if we were in a car. I'm not blaming his family, but his dad cheat, all of his uncle cheat. There is nothing wrong with what they are doing. I have a college education and hold a management position. I made enough money to raise my two sons on my own. Money will be tight, but it will do fine.
Post Extras:
MrAlias
Member
Reged: 04/09/03
Posts: 2628
Loc: Wisconeeee Re: He cheated and now I want divorce [Re: HappyFeet]
#3324705 - 10/25/07 01:29 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
HappyFeet,
I'm not sure what you're trying to say with that last post.
We asked you some questions but you didn't really answer them. You just gave us more information on what a horrible marriage partner your H is.
I'd like to know why you have convinced yourself to stay with him this long.
--------------------
Me: 44 Her: 41
M: 18 years
Kids(DS9, DD7, DS5)
There are times when a man should be content with what he has but never with what he is.
- William George Jordan
Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. - Dr. Alexis Carrel
Post Extras:
HappyFeet
Junior Member
Reged: 10/19/07
Posts: 7
Re: He cheated and now I want divorce [Re: MrAlias]
#3324732 - 10/25/07 03:08 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
I am not trying to stay. I am confuse however, why he did not want to end the marriage after all the cheating that he's done. Just trying to see his point of view and trying to make sense out of the situation. Right now, I am tired of going in circle and I wanted this marriage over with. I am however, very concern about my two sons. Any advice are welcome
Post Extras:
MrAlias
Member
Reged: 04/09/03
Posts: 2628
Loc: Wisconeeee Re: He cheated and now I want divorce [Re: HappyFeet]
#3324743 - 10/25/07 03:38 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Why would he want to stay? Well because he's not a person with high morals. He's cake-eating. He thinks he's got it made! Why should he want to give that up? He wants you to make all the money and provide a roof over his head and he gets to act like he's single with multiple females vying for his affection and he gets to be a self-centered jerk on top of it.
I'll ask you a question: What makes him think he has a right to act that way? Why do you value him so much that you've hung on to him this long? Why don't you realize you deserve better and why do you let him keep trouncing all over your boundaries? What have been the consequences of his actions?
He's living the good life. The good life of a low-down,selfish, scummy excuse of a human being that is (sorry I tried to hold my tongue but so far I haven't heard one good thing about this man).
What do you mean you are concerned for your two sons? Is your H heavily involved with their father? Is he a great Dad who spends lots of time with them? Does he teach them a lot of things that will add to their values? Would they be devastated if they had to split time going between Mom and Dad's house (if you were to split) or for that matter if they never saw him again?
List your H's good points and then tell me how that ties in with your concern for your sons.
--------------------
Me: 44 Her: 41
M: 18 years
Kids(DS9, DD7, DS5)
There are times when a man should be content with what he has but never with what he is.
- William George Jordan
Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. - Dr. Alexis Carrel
Edited by MrAlias (10/25/07 03:42 PM)
Post Extras:
HappyFeet
Junior Member
Reged: 10/19/07
Posts: 7
Re: He cheated and now I want divorce [Re: MrAlias]
#3324751 - 10/25/07 03:52 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
He take cares of them when I'm at work. He takes my older son to school and pick him up. I would have to put my two sons in daycare when we divorce. He is good to my two son when he's around. When he was mad at me and my son loss his toy and wanted him to help my son find his toy, he hit my son. That is the first and I'm worry that he might do again if he get angry. My two sons ask about him sometimes when he is not around because when he is, he play games with my older one and take my baby to the store to shop for toys and staff like that. Just more worry about how they would do in daycare.
Post Extras:
MrAlias
Member
Reged: 04/09/03
Posts: 2628
Loc: Wisconeeee Re: He cheated and now I want divorce [Re: HappyFeet]
#3324763 - 10/25/07 04:01 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
He's basically daycare. Is that what I'm hearing?
As soon as you walk in the door from work does he disappear ... heading to the casino and/or his girlfriend?
--------------------
Me: 44 Her: 41
M: 18 years
Kids(DS9, DD7, DS5)
There are times when a man should be content with what he has but never with what he is.
- William George Jordan
Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. - Dr. Alexis Carrel
Post Extras:
HappyFeet
Junior Member
Reged: 10/19/07
Posts: 7
Re: He cheated and now I want divorce [Re: MrAlias]
#3325212 - 10/26/07 01:22 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Yes, he is daycare. Sometimes, I walk in and he's out. Sometimes, he cooked dinner and put it on the table ready for me when I walk in the door, but as soon as he finished, he dressed, hugged the my two son, kissed me then out the door before I even finished my dinner. I want to end the marriage because he seems to do the minimum of everything just to keep me in the marriage. The cheating part was unspeakable. Cheating is not in my Vocabulary. I grew up in a loving family. Both my mom and dad were not perfect, but they were happily married. I wanted that for my two sons, but I know now that I can never have that with my H.
