My life has really changed for the better since my divorce. My DD is doing well at West Point, my finances are much better, and I have a wonderful boyfriend.

Still, I've felt sad the last few days. I recently got back from visiting my DD and with the holidays coming up, I just really miss my stepsons. It's been close to two years since I've seen the young men (now 18 & 21) that I treated as my own for 10 years. I sometimes wonder if DD will ever be able to have a healthy relationship. She was close to the oldest SS and was hurt when he cut off contact. She has avoided dating and has been very focused on her career ever since.

This is one part of my D that I still have a tough time dealing with and don't understand. During D, my XWH and his family told the boys horrible lies and told them not to have any contact with me or DD. Oh, I understand that it was his way of cutting me out of his life and hurting me and DD. I just don't understand how someone can use their children that way. (I see it all the time, I just don't understand that state of mind.)

What's worse is that I worry that SS's aren't getting the attention they need from their father. XWH now has a new baby to occupy his attention and had already threatened to disown younger SS. I also know that older SS is flunking several college classes (he forgot to change me getting grade reports).

I know that there is always the chance that they may contact me when they get older. The reality is that I will probably never see them again. I may not have any legal ties to them but I still love them like my own. It hurts!

I know exactly what you mean.

My SS hasn't contacetd me in the 10 months since my WW threw me out.

I do know she HAS been lying to him about everything, but I know one day he will come to ask the truth as I'm the only father he had ever known.

He's in for a shocking reality.

It has been about a year since my 3rd wife abruptly decided to end our marriage without explanation. I think at this point I'm pretty much over the loss of our marriage (doesn't mean I don't miss who I believed she was but I see just how blind I was and the true her that has shown through I don't really miss or even want to be with), but the one thing that has not healed and in fact has gotten worse is the loss of my step children.

I was not even allowed to tell them bye when I left. I have three children who were very close to her children. The amount of inquiries and hurt they were going through decreased some but as birthday time rolled around this year, it is suddenly getting brought up frequently again. It just kills me to know the grief that my children are going through and worse yet to know that it's my fault they are going through it.

And I can't begin to explain how I feel. I know they aren't my children, but I didn't marry lightly. I love them as much as I love my own children and I simply can't describe how difficult it was the first six months not even knowing if they were ok.

I lucked out. I have someone near to them who has given me a few updates and shoots me pics of them every so often. She has even offered to get a message to the step children but I asked her not to at this point in time. When they are 18, I will contact them, either directly or through the person offering to help. I have no desire to say anything bad about their mother, but I want them to know that I didn't leave them and haven't stopped thinking about the. I saved every e-mail and mail I sent begging her to even tell me how they are doing. I have saved things my boys have written and wanted to send to them. I want them to know that I never stopped loving them and that it wasn't anything they did wrong or their fault.

I have no doubt she is lying to them about me. But I don't think I'll even need to tell them for them to know the difference. I think kids are much smarter than we give them credit for. The indications I have from my friend is that the older step son made a comment once that validated that he misses his step brothers and that he kinda suspects that I didn't want to leave.

I don't know that it will ever heal. I haven't even gotten to the point where I can truly describe in words how I feel about the loss of my step children.