My H and I met when we were 18. We were both virgins. We married when we were 21 and have been married 31 years now with 3 grown kids. I have never been unfaithful or with another man sexually in my life.

I just found out that I have genital herpes - I am devastated! He's taking it very calmly - Just said: oh, well I love you anyway. SOOO calm. I know if the table was turned I would be angry with him. Why is hebeing so calm about it when he flips out if he finds some crumbs on the kitchen counter.

During the 1st 27 yrs. of our marriage he spent over half the year ( in intervals) traveling the world on business. I always felt there might be infidelity in my gut. Even when he was home he didn't want to do things with us and there were huge missing time blocks and lots of lies, raging, blaming, etc.

He's been in counseling for these issues for 20 months.

Anyway, now I'm faced with the herpes. He said: I don't know how you got it, I don't care, I trust you completely and it doesn't matter. IT DOES MATTER - He probably gave it to me!

I'm just so angry, confused, feel dirty .....

He knows where you got it, that's why he's not worried about it. He's hoping beyond reason that you will not push the issue further.

If you just found out, make sure your Dr. does the type specific tests. If your sit. is like mine, my Dr. was able to determine that my WW had the virus longer than I had. This is because over time the body develops antibodies to the virus. If you just contracted the virus, your body will not have produced those secondary antibodies yet. Your H has had the virus for a while though, he will have developed those antibodies. This will establish the chain of transmission and at least force the truth out of him.

Its a terrible thing to be stained like this by someone that should be protecting you. Its been one of the hardest things for me to deal with re: my WW's infidelity. I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through, I definitely feel your pain.

He is playing mind-games with you. You got it from him, right? There is no other way for you to have gotten the STD.
You should go to your doctor ASAP and get a whole battery of tests (including HIV).

Have you gone to counseling with him? Has he admitted to affairs?

Best of luck to you.

Richard