Ive been reading through this forum today at work, and I think its great and has helped me get some answers, let me post my situation.
My name is Zach, Im 20 years old, I got married in May of this year to a great woman, shes 19. We got together my sophomore year of High school and have been together 4 years today. We've always been together and loved eachother even though we've been through some tough times, mostly my fault.
Through high school dating, I was not the most faithful boyfriend, I was a being a hardheaded teen and my hormones took advantage of me at times. During high school years and so on I was unfaithful and hooked up with 3 girls during our relationship. She ended up getting suspicion and I confessed to all of them and we talked and she was ready to leave me, but I begged her back and she took me back.
Well we did fine for a good while and decided to get engaged. We were engaged for about a year, and decided we were ready to get married. Of course she was always suspicious of me and what I did cause of the past. I understood that but at times it really made me mad and we argued a lot sometimes. We got married in May, and had a great honeymoon and got along great, I thought everything was turning around!
In September, she went with her friends to the beach to help her brother move out of his beach house. Well the house was a mess and I was bored. She told me she would be home around 6pm that afternoon, I was really excited to see her! Well she ended up coming home around 11pm that night which made me pretty mad. During me waiting on her, I cleaned up the house really good which wasnt like me. She got home and right off the bat accused me of having a girl in the house cause of it being cleaned and two glasses I drank Alcohol out of. I had 2 different glasses due to the 2 days she was gone, one for each day. Well me having the temper I do and being accused of something I didnt do, I went off of anger and yelled and pitched a fit and went to bed.
The next day we argued like crazy to the point where I didnt wanna be with her. I didnt come home for the next 3-4 days. I stayed with a friend I work with. I didnt tell her where I was exactly staying, and she was crying and begging me to come back, but I was in questioning of our relationship. I was going off of anger and was ignoring her while she was at home crying and begging for me to come back. During that week I had a friend that was female. She asked if I wanted to come over and me making a bad decision i did. I went over there for a few hours and then the next day I stopped by there again and realized my wife was at home begging me to come back.
At that time the next day my wife decided to go through with a divorce. I agreed with her, but the day she went to go get the papers is when I realized she ment the world to me and I really didnt wanna lose her. Thats when I started to beg for her back. She agreed not to take the papers out right then, but 2 days later she told me she didnt care for me anymore and she hated me and she didnt want to make this work out. Of course I went and cried my eyes out to her and begged for her back and agreed to do anything possible to get her back. She ignored me and told me there was no chance.
Well by that time I decided to treat her right and get my life straight, I cried for days and begged her to come back. I then contacted my preacher who married us and told him I wanted to change and go through counsleing. She agreed to go to counseling with me but she told there was a very very slim chance of her getting over it and feeling the same for me after she treated me so right and I kept doing the same thing over and over. I admit I was a very bad boyfriend/husband and I dont deserve someone that great. But ever since we have split I realized what I have lost and everything I need to change.
I saw my pastor and spoke with him several times. By this time its been a month of seperation. I then decided not to chase her anymore and let her come to me. She saw the pastor and that weekend I was going away for the weekend and all of a sudden out of no where she told me she had a surprise and she seemed very happy. She told me she wanted to go with me to the car event with me! I was so happy and she came over to my house and we ate lunch that afternoon. It was like we were dating again for the first time, you could sense all the chemistry and we were very hesitant towards eachother, but very playful.
She told me it would take time and I agreed, she said shes still not sure if she could ever get over it and move on. But that weekend we went and had a great night Sat, we stayed a night at a friends house and we slept in the same bed but didnt not try and have sexual contact. We just cuddled that was it. We both still told eachother we loved eachother. That sunday she didnt feel good (she was starting her period) and then started having a bad day. Well went got back home at the time and I stayed at her parents house with her for 2 more days( We had left our house and both moved in with parents). I noticed for those days she started becoming more and more distant from me each day.
I finally asked her what was wrong, and she said she just doesnt know anymore and thinks we are moving to fast. I said thats fine and I moved back in with my parents. The past few days she has kept saying she doesnt know about us anymore and she just didnt feel the same when we were together. She said she wanted to take it slow. Since this breakup she got this new friend, she says she doesnt influence her decision or anything, but she spends every afternoon with her and stays out later than normal. She has also started smoking and she knows I hate it and ive brought that to her attention, and she just says she will stop when shes ready. But the last few days she is just going back to where we were a month ago saying "i dont know if Ill ever feel the same" and so on.
Right now im so confused and feel hopeless, How can she go from last thursday to saying she wants to make it work out and she loves me and is so happy! To now a week later to "I dont know about us" and she doesnt think she can move or or get over it.
What should I do? Right now im giving her the space she needs and not going out of my way to contact her. I talked to her for a few mins on AOL today, but nothing good out of it. She just said she was in the dark about what to do and she doesnt know what to do. She was susposed to talk to the pastor/counsler today but she didnt feel good due to (PMS). She is going monday I beleive, and im going tuesday afternoon. We are both going alone right now till he thinks its fine for both of us to go together. She said she does forgive me and does beleive I can change my ways but isnt sure if I can make her happy or she can feel the same around me. Today is also our 4 year annv. and she never told me happy anniversery or anything.
Im so lost and need help. Sorry for the long post, I was just scanning through the last 2 months of ****** for me. The worst moment in my life. Now I realized what means the most to me now that ive lost it.
