A while back I asked if I should contact the ow's ex about an affair my husband had with his wife 10 years ago and 14 years ago (2 a's.) I also emailed several divorced bh's if they would want this information revealed.

the majority said he had the right to know and that he might have an idea that something occurred.

Well. . .I did it. I sent the ow's ex a letter telling him to call me if he wanted some info on his ex - giving him the option to hear it or not. Well he called me and he had NO clue whatsoever. It seems as though he has never gotten over the ow marrying om#2 (my husband being om#1.) the shocked him.

of course, he immed. contacted his ex-wife and confronted her. She called me - the first time I had heard from this woman in 10 years and apologized profusely. It didn't take long for me to realize that she really wasn't calling to apologise, but to tell me that I shouldn't have told her ex.

Well - it appears the $hit really hit the fan. ow calls me again tonight and yells at me that her 15 year old daughter read the letter and slit her wrists. We were screaming back and forth as I explained that me telling the truth didn't do this - it was her actions. She said I sent a letter to a mentally unstable man. She said I should have called him instead.

I called the ex and asked if it was true about his daughter and he said the daughter was fine and that he wouldn't have worded it the way his ex wife had. he explained that the daughter has had problems all along. I learned that she is living with him because there was "activity" between her and her step-brother. of course it didn't help that her mom used to bring om#2 to the home while daddy was working. this kid was 8 when she outed mom to daddy 7 years ago. the ow's ex explained how his children have suffered from the breakup of the family.

he also explained that he told her closest cousin everything. I wonder if this is what got her very mad. She never thought this secret would ever be out.

Please. . .what do I do? It seems that I will be her target now for any of the fallout! I wanted to only send him the letter and be done. I didn't expect to have this woman who has tormented my every thought since jan 06 to call me! She also used the opportunity to tell me of how my husband behaved. . .ouch.

Any advice????

What ever happened to her daughter or her ex-husband is NOT going to be your fault, legally or morally; it would be HER fault. Keep that in your mind. I'm NOT saying this to make you feel better, but it's simply the truth.

Oh HSmom, that was a horrible experience for you no doubt. It is obvious to me that the OW has NEVER "gotten it". For her to call and blame you for the consequences of her actions is proof of that. The OW's ex had every right to know and I think you handled it perfectly. I thought it was a very good idea to ask him first if he wanted any info on her. It gave him the option of knowing. And he didn't sound unstable to me from what you've said about your conversations with him. The one that sounds unstable is the OW.

So, you did what you needed to do and now you don't have to worry about it any more. It's their problem now. You did the right thing. You might want to spend the dough to get your # changed though, maybe unlisted. She sounds like a flake and could be revengeful.

From what you have said, the OW sounds like a real piece of work bringing a OM into their home. I wonder how she bribed the kids to keep their mouths shut for as long as they did. Didn't you say the kids knew about one OM and the daughter told her dad about it? Now the daughter finds out there was another one? Your husband? Can you just imagine the torment and the guilt those kids had to bear keeping their ****** of a mother's secrets? No wonder those kids are so messed up. Sounds like the OW got hit with her own karma bus. I hope those kids receive tons of therapy because they sure are going to need it.

I'll say a prayer for those poor kids.

Don't blame yourself. It is the adulterers's doings that caused this damage.

Goodness, that sure opened a can of worms. Look at it realistically. The OW had two affairs, and exposed her kids to who knows what. Also, during their affairs, WS's are notorious for thinking about me, me, me. There may have been neglect of the kids emotional needs during that time.

Add to that a family life built on lies, and you see the result. I'm sure it was very unpleasant. I wouldn't answer any more of her calls. She would prefer to blame her poor choices and family mess on YOU.

Thank you for the replies.

After a week of drama with them (ow/ow's ex h) calling, the weekend was quiet.

We have decided if ow calls again, we will send some form of a "no contact" letter.

And for anyone who thinks affair marriages that last beyond a few years are just peachy - well, that's not the view I got. ow and om#2 have been together for 7 years- married for 4, and the 4 children (his/hers) are so messed up, it's truly heartbreaking. And it is so obvious ow has not told her om#2 anything about me, her ex, or my husband. this is a not a match made in heaven - that's for sure.


again, thanks.