Hello everyone. I have been married for 10 yrs with 2 beautiful children. My husband calls me this morning on his way for a business trip to inform its over to quote him "he is done". He wants out and does not want to be married to me anymore. He wants to put himself first and not anyone else. I have drained the life out of him and I can have everything he just wants out.

I did not see this coming...I must be blind. I thought we had a pretty normal marriage the normal arguments and just day to day hustle and bustle of kids. I think he had this planned as he emptied out our bank account and left me with $100.00. I am in Real Estate and have had a great year but with the market the way it is now....i dont know what i am going to do...I feel like this is not real... this is not happening...I think I am in shock. He has been very distant lately but always said it was stress at the office...where do i go from here????

Call a lawyer immediately. You need legal advice and you need to protect yourself and your children financially. Deal with your H’s irrationality and your emotions later!

He very likely is involved with someone else. Denying that possiblity for a long time like I did will not benefit you or your marriage. Can you do some checking to find out if he's having an affair? Email, web-history, checking account, credit card statements etc.
Very sorry you find yourself here.

I agree... protect yourself first of all and then start snooping. Something smells about this. Oh, and what a man... delivering such a devastating blow by telephone. Sorry.

Welcome to MB... you are DEFINITELY in the right place. I'm sure there are some others that will come along soon that can guide you better than me.

Thank You all for responding to me. There is no rationalizing this..and the tears will not stop..plus it is 3:00 pm here and my kids will be home in alittle while so i have to get it together for them. I have called an attorney and have an appt. Wed. morning. The man I spoke with this morning was not my husband it was nothing but rambling and nonsense. He was so cold and hateful ... it has me thinking he had this planned. I want to just vomit i have a pit in my stomach...my kids ...thats all I can think of right now how this will effect them...they know their Daddy is on a business trip this week...so I think I am not going to say anything to them as it will give me time to process it....I dont know...as far as snooping I have not done that but i have noticed my changes in him but I contributed it to stress at work....I dont know

You should go to the Just Found Out board and read the posts at the top of the forum. WAT's quick start guide. BobPure's survival kit.

It certainly sounds like your husband is involved with someone else. Sorry you have to be here, but it's the right place to be.

If he is involved with someone else, you're right--he's not the man you know. He's been replaced by an alien. The sooner you can get your head around that concept, the sooner you can start to protect/recover your life. Read around here. Let us know if you can't find the posts I mentioned.

My guess is that he's having an A, and the OW gave him an "ultimatum". As the others have done, I suggest protecting yourself legally, and then snooping to disclose the A. Call his office to find out more about this "business meeting". Did anyone else from the office go with him? Where is it being held? Etc., etc.

can you call a friend, or family member, to come over and help you?
I know you want to hide right now. You hope that if you keep this secret, then he will come back, and apologize, and no one will ever know.
And he may come back - most of them do!! But it will take time, and you will need help right now. You need someone to help you pull your finances together as much as possible.
I would suggest draining that remaining $100 from your bank account right now, in cash, and stash it away.
Then figure out what credit cards you have, and can use. You will most likely need to pay a retainer to the attorney to help you.

Right now, you are tempted to just wait a few days, let it blow over. But he has all ready drained your bank account, and heaven only knows what is happening with your credit cards. You need to get as much cash as you can right now, before it gets worse.

and then, if he comes back to tell you he was temporarily insane, you can restore any money you have hidden.

In fact - I may be off base here - but I would even suggest that you take as much cash advance as possible on your credit cards, right now, while you still can.

You H is a little nuts right now - and he may snap out of it, but you have to provide for you children in the mean time.

Thank You for all the advice..I have secured half of our savings account which was advised by the attorney I am consulting with Wed. morning. I have called my mother and told her a few hours ago..she wanted to rush over here but I just want to be alone. She is enraged at him right now and I just cannot deal with that.

the possiblity that there could be another woman totally boggles my mind. There have been changes in my H. He is more distant and quiet especially around my family lately. I have this sick feeling in my stomach that his business cell phone would bring light on this. I have noticed that whenever his company phone rings lately he steps outside of the house to talk. It does not matter what room he is in he beelines for the front door. I have no way of getting my hands on the bill since it is through his company.


I read WATs guide and alot of it was my husband this morning. He made no sense talking about things like for instance 2 months ago we agreed we would spend Thanksgiving with my sister and mom. My husband throws up to me this morning he tired of spending holidays with my family and always doing what I want...when he agreed to it months ago the accusations made absolutely no sense....I dont know maybe I dont make sense right now. This morning it was just rambling and mud throwing at me.........

This is what we call "fog speak". I know it's hard, but PLEASE do not take this to heart. This is not your husband speaking but rather the alien-- the WH.

Good move on securing the savings account. Now breathe... there are many of us here who have walked in your shoes and some still are. We know it hurts but we can help you through this.

Mom,

So very sorry you find yourself here, but in your sitch, here is the best place to be.

HE ONLY LEFT YOU (and the kids) $100?? Very despicable, lowest life of the low lifes.

Did he leave his golf clubs, gun collection, or sports car at YOUR house? I would liquidate all his holdings immediately.

Change the locks and DO NOT let him back in.

To drop this bomb on you is very close to a terrorist act!!

YOU DO NOT CRY OR WHIMPER!!

You become VERY ANGRY and take on the role of the mother bear defending her cubs.

I must tell you this is one of the most cold hearted actions done by a WH I have read here. And this A$$h&le is a full blown wayward husband to be sure. No one in their right mind would drain the accounts to leave you and your precious children $100!

Stay strong and keep posting here. You will get very good advise.

There are attorneys here that can explain ABANDONMENT and the ramifications of it. I hope the low life is in big trouble.

God bless,

kirk

BIG. RED. FLAG. I'd be willing to bet there is someone else. Read up on the snooping stuff. You need to know your enemies so you'll be better equipped to fight for your marriage... if that's what you want.

Boom! Cannons going off!

Sure sounds like a work place affair. Who is with him on this trip? Is there anyone he works with you can ask?

I would start looking at the credit card bills for the past few months.

Any other changes the past few months? Going to the gym? New cologne? Lose some weight? Bought some new clothes? Listening to new music? Guarding hin briefcase and wallet?

Did he talk a lot about someone at work or elsewhere a few months ago and now abruptly the past few weeks never mentions her at all?

mom,

" I have no way of getting my hands on the bill since it is through his company. "

Call the bookkeeper at the company and request the last 2 months of his phone bill. You can do it! The phone bill lists each phone # individually.

See that lawyer and protect yourself. First things first. The why will come later.

Try to remain as clear headed as you can. Don't pollute it with looking for him being involved with someone else right now. If he is it will become evident later. He might not be.

I disagree. She needs to do both with all the energy she can muster. She needs to snoop and secure and or copy anything she can find before he comes home. While he is out of town is the perfect time to turn the house upside down.

I disagree as well. The sooner she gets her intel the better her position from a legal AND emotional standpoint.

It's almost certainly adultery. I think the most important step is to recognize what she's dealing with--a wayward spouse--and react accordingly. Don't argue with him. Don't beg or plead. Especially don't take what he says to heart, because he will be spewing FogTalk. Read about how adultery works--what to expect.

It sounds like you've taken steps to protect yourself legally and financially. That's good. Do you live in a no-fault state (like, say, California)? If you do, it may not be as important to catch him in the act.

Based on his actions so far, I think you can assume that there is another person. I'm very, very sorry.

This is the part you have to get your head around. I recommend not making any serious decisions until you understand your situation better.

Chris asked who is on the business trip with him and whether there is anyone at his work that you can talk to. These are really good questions.

First my husband works for the Dept of
Defense and there is no way i would be able to get copies of his cell phone bill. I have snooped around the house...found nothing gone through our personnel cell phone bills nothing jumps out at me there. If he does have someone I just feel in my gut its someone he works with. He left out on his trip with a man and another woman this morning. She is one of his employees and I could swear this morning when he called me to lay all this on me I heard a womans voice in the background. When I accused of speaking to me in the manner he was in front of people he told me I was crazy noone was around.


This morning when he called to tell me it was over...the things coming out of his mouth were so out of character. He wants to live his life for himself...he wants to put himself first...oh and at the end of the conversation he said whatever he did from this point out was "legal"...since we were over. I said what are u talking about....this is crazy what about the kids and u want to do this right before the holidays?? He said that he doesnt want to spend another year of his life with me...he wants out. This man was a total family man we did everything with our kids ...all sporting events cheerleading we are so proud of our kids. The person I talked this morning was a MONSTER.