Does your family know? Please tell them. You need all the support you can get.

MOM:

See if you can use X to find out about the current A. You need some facts!

His things are boxed up yes.
Locks changed yesterday yes
PI...I really do not have the money for that. I have my Attorney appt Monday at 11:30..thats what i need my money for.

Yes I knew about the sexual harrassment charges WH came home bawling his eyes out telling me what the charges were and that there would be an investigation. X came over with his wife to be of some comfort and X covered it all for my WH. I believed him...the man I thought I was married to would never act in such a manner. My WH plays the victim very well as I look back on it all.

As far as my children I have spoke to them...my daughter and I were taking a bubble bath last night. Well first off the locksmith was here yesterday when my daughter got home from school....so I know she was wondering why I was having the locks changed. I spoke with her about daddys and mommys sometimes have to take time outs...and that what daddy has done to his family is wrong. That he was still her daddy and he loves her...but what he is doing right now is wrong
as far as leaving us the way he did....as far as my son he's a teenager and I spoke with him...he's been kindof quiet but has made some remarks that show me he is angry.....

Yes my family knows....they think he has lost his mind...they are extremely angry....they want to call him and rip into him...I have asked them not to do that right now it would not make a difference.

As far as X since he stopped working with my WH my WH will not have a thing to do with him. I was told to stop talking with his wife to completely cut them. Now as I look back on it I can see why my WH acted the way he did, what they might tell me...before we were all friends.

Hubby may be a sex addict. How was his childhood? They say SA has little to do with sex, but has to do with a response to family of origin issues.

His family is horrible. Mom and Dad divorced when he was young. Mother is worthless they can go years with out speaking same thing with his Dad.

WH never into porn or anything of that nature. He's never on the computer. I dont know.

mom, the crying in the bathroom thing, I did that too. But my worst day was on the kitchen floor, I lay there unable to move and wanting to die. I was grateful that the spot I collapsed on was not in view of the windows.

If it happens again, just know that it will pass.

You're going through one of the worst things any person can endure. It won't be over any time soon. You will get excellent support here. And you will get through it.

Later, when you find out more about what is going on, you can check an SA site like RecoveryNation.

Right now you are ahead of the game because you have found out from X about some of your husband's antics at work. Apparently he has been at least looking for other women. I would still be most suspicious about the business trip woman.

Try to contain yourself and don't scream at him with angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements. It will all be a waste of energy if he is in the midst of an affair. I would just let him know that you are not the jailer, and since he is so miserable, he is free to leave.

That isn't really MB advice though. I just think that he has some issues and is blaming you. I also think that he has somewhat planned this out, making such a sudden break. Usually they go back and forth and try to hang onto the wife and the other woman.

just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you

You know, each one of us, when we first find out about our spouses infidelities, we are shocked at the 2nd life that was going on behind our backs. We feel foolish for not seeing it. And our friends and family memebers say things like "you will be better off" or "at least you found out now. better now than 10 years later" and then there is the ever popular "I never really liked him anyway"

But for you, as his wife, it will take a while to finally come to terms with this knowledge. After all, just 1 week ago, you were in love with him! Even 5 minutes before he called you the other day, you were his wife, you loved him, you had plans to grow old and retire together. Those feelings, and hopes, and thoughts do not disappear right away. It takes time. your WH has been working up to this for months now, and he is further along then you.

For the next couple of weeks you will hear more people telling you to get over it, move on, you are better off, etc. And all of this may be true - but allow yourself the time to grieve, to be angry, to be sad. It is ok.

Stay close to God. NOW is the time to really trust him. Often times people want to say "where is God in all of this - why did he let this happen". So let me remind you that God is right there with you! He did not cause this to happen - but he knew it would. And he will draw even closer to you through this, if you allow him.

Thank You all so much...believer, bellevue and womanoofaith05..you are all so right...and I do know the Lord is here with me...and only his Grace will se me thru this. I am starting to here the He's sorry, your better off without him, he's an @ss.

Believer you really hit the nail on head that he is blaming me. That is one major flaw with my WH everything is always someone elses fault. He never takes responsibilty for his actions he always deflects it on to someone else. If that makes sense.

In a way that is good - that he blames others, because the OW won't be able to make him happy either. Right now, it is like a fantasy to him where all his problems will be over and things will be wonderful. He has a big shock coming.

Are you going to be cheerful and calm when you talk to him again?

Yes, I am not going to let him know about anything I have discovered. I am going to stay calm and not let him engage me in any type of argument.

I am not going to let him about my attorney appt Monday nor about me changing the locks. He will figure that soon enough. I am going to pack his clothes up and leave them in the driveway as I told him. All I can do at this point is do what I think is the best thing for my family because he sure isnt thinking about us. I am hoping when the reality of all this sets in for him ....he might be ready to talk to me camly....

I know that all I have done will only futher his anger at me. He will fault me for all of this but thats ok because I have to protect my family..I am prepared for that I just keep thinking about the wayward mindset and their thinking is just warped and he totally has that warped mindset right now.

He WILL fault you. They all do. Your best bet is to be very calm and matter of fact. Tell him this took you by complete surprise. Let him know that you are sorry he was so unhappy. Don't argue or love bust.

For sure don't tell him what you know, no matter what. Otherwise he will just get sneakier. You need to be smarter than he is.

You may not want to recover your marriage with this man.

Do you live in a no-fault state?

I live in Arkansas..I'm sure its no fault...

Oh, I don't think so, mom. Some of those southern states still have the adultery laws. I'll try to check.

Thanks believer I was suppose to see an Attorney yesterday but he had to be in court so it was rescheduled for Monday at 11:30...I think I will feel more at ease when I know what I can do...and what the laws are. I am set to file speration or whatever I need to do to maintain residence and start getting help from Wh. I cannot afford our house payment .....its scary.

Online it says that Arkansas allows adultery for grounds for divorce. It looks like they also have legal seperation. But I don't think fault matters in the division of property. Your attorney will know. In fact, he may advise you NOT to go to work.

But we are getting ahead of ourselves. Just stay calm, have a plan, and wait to see what hubby does next. I'm thinking he MUST have a place to move to.

Yeah I have a feeling he has a place to go but he sure isnt giving me any clue to it. He just called the kids to talk to them he never asked to talk to me...and I let them have their time with him..I'm way to scared of not getting steady income right now....it will make me feel much more secure...I wish I knew what he was thinking, is he thinking we will sale the house...will a judge allow me and the kids to stay in the house until the sale....I have so many questions...Its very scary.....