Post deleted by confusedmommy2

Can you please repost this and break up the paragraphs. It's tooooo hard to read.

Thanks!

Easy.....

Quit having a damn affair for starters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop seeing, talking to, being with, thinking of OM. Go and tell your BH the truth about you, your affair, the baby and let him decide what he wants to do. If he decides that this is a wake up call for him and your marriage and wants to save it then you do whatever is necessary to repair your marriage.

But first things first, you need to stop having an affair and contact with OM regardless of whether things work out w/ your husband or not in the next couple of months. You are out there lining up his replacement (as far as the baby goes, have already lined up his replacement), breaking all the morals, values and such I am sure you have been taught and wondering why you feel the way you do. Go and do what is right, something you can look at yourself in the mirror 5 years from now and know that even though you screwed up royally you tried to make it right and do what was right no matter the outcome. Go sit down and tell your husband what you have done and quit having an affair with OM and see what happens next.

so, let me get this straight...you cheat on your first H for two years....get divorced....marry another poor sap and cheat on him too....you get pregnant.......you are in love with a man not your H...you are deceiving everyone...yet you say.."Let me start by saying that I am a good person."

Are you frigging kidding me? I would hate to see what your definition of a bad person is. How about you stop acting like a trashy slut and become a good wife and mother for starters....

Good person.....bwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha

Here is the ONLY way...You tell your husband EVERYTHING...He is NOT your PET, even though that IS how you are treating him...He deserves the TRUTH about his life...TELL HIM TODAY...Will you do that?

Mrs. W

Not to go against MB principles (don't burn me at the stake here). But I think her husband knows the baby isn't his and what she did to get pregnant....but honestly there is something unhealthy about his fasination with the children.....He used his wife as a vessel for a child....he wanted her to sleep with a stranger in a bar for god sakes just to have a baby.....honestly guys would you ever ask your wife to do that? I think it's more than a dream for this guy...I don't mean to go all profiler and say anything bad...but I intuitively am not comfortable with this guy. Something isn't right with him. It's creepy almost.

Wow. This is a prime example of why 'doing the right thing' is the right thing to do even when a person wants something different. At every turn you have done what you 'wanted' to do instead of what was right. And I bet truth be known, right now you want to end your marriage and get with your Xbf/father of your baby and that is the reason you are here.

The right thing to do is tell your husband the truth. ALL of it. Today. He has the right to know that child isn't his before he becomes even more attached to it.

I am by no means an expert at a relationship but I can give you a "guys" perception.

I love my children, as a man I could't comprehend what it would be like w/o my own children. If I was steril I think that I would feel useless to my wife, he seems to have issues that a proffessional needs to address, as would I in that situation.

My best friends wife cannot have a baby, his wife has tried to "Brainstorm" with her husband for alternate ways to have a baby and a child in their life. She suggested adoption but he turned that idea down. The above husband seems to be "brainstorming" when he mentioned for her to go to a bar and get pregnant by a stranger. Do you thing that he really wants her to have an affair?

My point is, if you get desperate in a situation, you talk crazy to your spouse. The above information stated that it would cost too much to have her get pregnant. The husband is reaching to find a way. Any good father will love a child regardless b/c that child deserves it. This guy doesn't seem creepy to me, he seems to need his wife to accept him regardless if he can have children or not.

Accept or not....talking crazy or not...brain storming or not....he seems obsessive compulsive and sounds like he needs therapy for that and other issues....he wanted her to have a baby with another man (irresponsibly with a STRANGER from a bar...one night stand not knowing the other persons history and such...he was willing to put his wife in a dangerous situation for his own gain) and then seems to push the wife aside after the child comes into this world.....in a marriage is it not 50/50....just because HE got what he wanted does not mean he should stop meeting his spouses EN's...Thats part of having a family....I am a mother I love my DS with all my heart....and love spending time with him but I don't push my SO aside and stop meeting his needs I set aside time for him and communicate with him as much as possible....I am not saying what she did is right by anymeans....if she felt that the marriage wasn't working out she should have talked to her husband and tried everything she could to save the marriage and if at that point nothing worked she should have ended her marriage before cheating.

sihw...you are only hearing the views of an obviously disturbed current ws.

However, SIHW, all the information that we've received here has come from the mouth of a woman that has cheated on TWO husbands...She is certainly NOT the most reliable character witness for her current husband, yanno?

Mrs. W

Quit reading my mind MEDC! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Another thing if the High school sweet heart was a better choice for the father of her child why ot discuss it with the H then go to a clinic and have him donate the sperm and do artificial insemination.

Well, on a practical level it seems quite unlikely that the woman would get pregnant on a single attempt, wouldn't you say? Realistically, she would have unprotected sex many times over the period of maximum fertility, and probably over several monthly cycles.

So, either she would have to establish some kind of frequent-sex relationship with a specific guy, or she would have to pick up a whole bunch of men for ONSs.

In the first scenario, it seems plausible that some kind of emotional connection would be established, especially if this man turned out to be the father of the baby. The chances of this leading to an affair are high.

In the second scenario, the woman would inevitably be cheapened by acting as an unpaid hooker.

In both cases, the chances of contracting a disease that might threaten the life of both mother and child would be significantly more than zero.

Seems pretty creepy to me.

TA

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Great minds think alike!

Or is it...fools never differ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thankyou...it kind of ticked me off...because it seemed like no priceless value was held to the woman she was just a means to an end.....I was just reacting from a womans stand point as if my SO ever asked me to do that (go sleep with some random guy in a bar to give him a baby)....lets just say ****** hath no fury....It would be on like donkey kong.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Well, it has been a sick situation in all sorts of ways since this WW's college days. That doesn't mean she can't step up now and do the right thing.

Confused

Your problems cover a lot more ground than this community can help you with.

What's happened in your life is not about infidelity. It's about getting through life on the basis of going towards emotional comfort, rather than structuring your life around values and principles. In everything you've said, there's not a shred of awareness that you made choices between acting morally and acting immorally. Do you realise that?
Everything you've said is about your emotions, and making choices based on what you were feeling at the time.

None of us has much choice about the life skills given to us by our parents, but when those life skills prove to be disastrously dysfunctional, each of us has an obligation to find a better way to get through life. Your life skills have brought you to crisis, wouldn't you say? Now is the time to start building new and better ones. You have children to whom you have a duty of care to be a responsible adult; do you want them to grow up into the same kind of mess that you are in?

You need to restructure your life from the ground up. Start THINKING about what your principles are, what your values are, what your boundaries are. Stop blaming other people for the choices you've made, and stop finding excuses.

Get yourself some counselling and prepare to work long and hard.

There are no easy answers here.

TA

Don't get me wrong, by no means would I say that it is OK for H to think this way. I am just saying that communication with your spouse is important and we all may have crazy thoughts from time to time.

Would the act be creepy, I think it would yes. But the thought of something like this is not the creepy part. He seems to need to talk with a proffessional like I said before and deal with the steril issue.

Again, what would you do if you could not have children? The H seems to have issues regarding the relationship, I shouldn't be defending myself here and am not defending him. Just be a little objective sometimes about an extreem situation.

I know that I said bad things when I found out about my wife having an affair, like I would kill the OM, I was angry. Does that make me a murderer for thinking it or saying it? I have had bad thoughts about OM and my wife and have even tried to convince myself it was ok as long as we were together. Does that make me creepy or am I going through a stressful time with someone I love and had trusted?

There are better experts here to give her advise from what she origionally asked on this forum than me. She seems to need direction, she is asking for help not judgement.

SO... sending his wife out to sleep with random strangers and possibly get a disease is OK because he so desperatly wants a child?
There are SAFER ways to go about it.
I would not let my SO put my life in danger for even the possibility of having a child. And I personally take it as an insult that the man wouldn't even think about a womans safety (or the child).THAT IS IF IT'S THE TRUTH...NOT SAYING THAT THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.