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Mrs. W, lol, we might even be twins. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (Wouldn't that be a surprise to Mom!)
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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OH NO...I AM absolutely a good parent - I am not a good WIFE by any stretch, but I am a good parent.
I am not running from names or judgement - I just feel that this was the wrong format for me to get help because no one can see how truly stuck I feel or how helpless I feel and how sorry I am. I need to have a face to face with someone objective who can help me with how to get back to where I want to be and what I know is right.
The people on here are so vicious - I guess it's easy to be cruel from the protection of a computer monitor.
Confused....
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MEDC and MsW - rough stuff and awfully mean but I deserve (SOME OF)it. I didnt want anyone to tell me my actions were justified or that I did anything right here - I know I am wrong. I am ANGRY at my H. I feel lied to and betrayed myself because as one of the pp's said health issues should be disclosed if you know of them especially when you KNOW you are infertile and you are marrying a woman who wants kids....and his absolute obsession is SCARY especially for my 11 year old.
HOWEVER, I must say....do not call me criminal because I have done nothing illegal and people make mistakes and suffer the consequences and obviously I am trying to make this right...and
DO NOT call me a poor excuse for a mother or whatever other vicious and cruel things were said about my children. Who do you think you are!!! Let the sinless cast the first stone!!!!! I am by all accounts a great mother who sincerely loves and adores my girls with all that I am. They are beautiful and intelligent and my older DD is a true testament to my mothering skills as she is an amazing little girl by anyone's account the little one is coming along wonderfully as well. You people CAN NOT pass judegment on my parenting based on your opinion about my affair.
I thought I came here for some deserved harsh criticism and help in how to move forward with my H. I thougt you guys might have some experience and I really just needed to tell my story because no one knows and it is a lot to carry around.....but I can see that even though some posts have been real and helpful, you guys, for the most part, just want to judge and be cruel and mean spirited.
Confused... You've got to be kidding...Did you even read my posts??? You call THAT mean??? C'MON!!! I told ya, I've been where you are in some ways...I AM A FWW...I GET IT...I WANT YOU TO GET IT! Will you tell your husband the truth tonight??? The answer to that will determine how serious you are... Mrs. W P.S. I'm not mean, you're just being a SISSY! Life's HARD, get a HELMET! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Cowgirl up and I'll help you!
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Mrs. W, lol, we might even be twins. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (Wouldn't that be a surprise to Mom!) Yeah, Ole "BM" will be totally shocked! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I have one daughter with a husband that I cheated on and divorced.
I have another child...not by the man I am married to but by the very same man that I cheated on my first husband with....and am now cheating on my second husband with.
Yes, I have all but doomed my kids to therapy and doubt as to the lineage when they get to an age where they know better.
But, I AM a good mother. Look, the capital letters prove it.
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I personally think we should stay focused on the fact that Confused is having a SECOND affair, has duped her current husband into believing a baby that is NOT his, IS...and NOT on what SHE CLAIMS are her husband's shortcomings...Cuz again...NONE OF IT MATTERS...NONE OF IT JUSTIFIES ADULTERY...Continuing to focus on WHAT SHE SAYS are her husband's faults allows her to continue justifying the unjustifiable...JMHO...
Mrs. W The man knows he is sterile....how could he not know the baby isn't his....especially if WW and him arn't having SF.
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I personally think we should stay focused on the fact that Confused is having a SECOND affair, has duped her current husband into believing a baby that is NOT his, IS...and NOT on what SHE CLAIMS are her husband's shortcomings...Cuz again...NONE OF IT MATTERS...NONE OF IT JUSTIFIES ADULTERY...Continuing to focus on WHAT SHE SAYS are her husband's faults allows her to continue justifying the unjustifiable...JMHO...
Mrs. W The man knows he is sterile....how could he not know the baby isn't his....especially if WW and him arn't having SF. SIHW... You are taking the words of an ACTIVE WAYWARD as TRUTH...KWIM??? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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The people on here are so vicious - I guess it's easy to be cruel from the protection of a computer monitor.
Confused.... People are not trying to be vicious, they are trying to give you a wake up call. If you stick around long enough you may learn a thing or two about where you are now and how many people have been there. First I would suggest you do some real soul searching. Think back to when you married both times and figure out why. Then think about why you never married OM.No matter what you do have to tell your husband the truth. Then you have to decide if you even want to continue in this marriage. I would also HIGHlY recommend IC. From my perspective there are other issues that you need to confront and work on.
W (me) 44
H 43
Married 19 years
DS 17
DS 15
DD 13
DD 8
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TJ
OMG MEDC... it's way too late in the day for you to be pulling that. I actually thought YOU were posting about YOU and were telling us that you were a WOMAN after all this time and about the things YOU'D done. LOL
/TJ
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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you guys, for the most part, just want to judge People are supposed to judge between what is right and wrong...Are you telling us that you are unable to do that Confused? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Confused... you said it yourself. You are CONFUSED. You've been CONFUSED for quite some time. The CONFUSION comes from your bad choices. SO... do you start making good choices TODAY? Aren't you sick of being CONFUSED?
How about starting with the TRUTH. You owe that to you husband. Come clean regardless of the consequences. Get it out. Go from there. Do the RIGHT thing and end the CONFUSION.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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You know Confused, deleting your posts tells me you were here to get help justifying the unjustifiable, rather than to get help in doing what is RIGHT and GOOD...You will begin to feel good when you do good...Feelings follow actions...You were told the TRUTH here...Stop running from reality and deal with truth...I pray that you will tell your BH the truth-he deserves that very much...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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You know Mrs. W... one of these days I'm going to follow my instinct and cut and paste an original post when something tells me to do that.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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You know Mrs. W... one of these days I'm going to follow my instinct and cut and paste an original post when something tells me to do that. I hear ya Meg...I often ignore my instincts on that too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> It also AMAZES me that people actually think that others post here just to be "mean"...It somehow eludes them that people spend a lot of time, thought and emotion trying to HELP them...Only to be called "MEAN"...Being "mean" sure isn't the reason I've stuck around here...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I personally think we should stay focused on the fact that Confused is having a SECOND affair, has duped her current husband into believing a baby that is NOT his, IS...and NOT on what SHE CLAIMS are her husband's shortcomings...Cuz again...NONE OF IT MATTERS...NONE OF IT JUSTIFIES ADULTERY...Continuing to focus on WHAT SHE SAYS are her husband's faults allows her to continue justifying the unjustifiable...JMHO...
Mrs. W The man knows he is sterile....how could he not know the baby isn't his....especially if WW and him arn't having SF. SIHW... You are taking the words of an ACTIVE WAYWARD as TRUTH...KWIM??? Mrs. W No....I am simply "brainstorming" If what this person says is true.....Her BH has been to the doctors and the testing.....her BH would know he's sterile...and would know this baby isn't his....Unless he's in denial.....he's got to know....or if he wanted a child Soooooo bad he's looking the other way....IF thats the case.....BH is enabling her in the worst way.....YES she needs to sit down and fully disclose EVERYTHING to BH. BUT if he has been enabling her just to have a child....will it really help save the marriage if all he wanted was a child? I am not taking her word as the gods own truth.......most of my posts are about moral values in the meaning not saying her situation is true and she is being wronged. I have alot of IF's in my posts....my main IF is that I worry for these children.....One considers her possibly unstable unhealthy Step father as her "dad".....the other is put on a pedastle and basically praised by her obsessive "dad" but secretly being carted off at any opportunityto see her Biological "dad' which must be really confusing. Yes these are alot of IF's.....IF her story is correct...and IF it isn't.....but I prefer to look at all angles and analyze the situation to be ready for whatever comes. Just my 2 cents.
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I understand SIHW, but Confused is not ready for that kind of brainstorming yet...It helps her to justify what she is doing, imo...When I first got here as a WW, if someone would have grabbed onto a kernel of negativity that I threw out about Mr. W and ran with it...Well, let's just say it wouldn't have helped me cross over to reality...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I also bet that this BH has been kept off balance for a while now and isn't thinking too rationally himself...Also, he could certainly think he's been blessed with a miracle-and bless his heart for that...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Does that make me creepy? Reacting with brief, intense emotion to an unexpected and catastrophic situation is not creepy. That kind of reaction is to do with shock and the struggle to rebalance yourself. Infertility is not a happy experience, but it's also not an experience that arises suddenly. A person is not knocked unexpectedly off-balance; they have time to assimilate the information and work out a healthy response. It's possible that a person may make a wild suggestion in a sudden outburst of grief and disappointment, and it's plausible that that has happened here. It's also possible that Confused has used such an outburst to justify her pregnancy by the OM. But if the suggestion was made seriously and more than once, then it IS creepy. It shows a mind that does not value the worth of another human. TA I wont post again but thats what I was trying to say. Thats another reason I have a hard time with my marraige, it never comes out right. Sorry if I offended anyone : (
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Frankly I wouldn't take a single word an affair addict has to say about her H as even remotely resembling the truth.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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OH NO...I AM absolutely a good parent - I am not a good WIFE by any stretch, but I am a good parent. No dear you are not a good parent. You have risked the health and happiness of your children by carrying on a sleazy affair even if you don't feel you otherwise neglected them to pursue OM. I am not running from names or judgement - I just feel that this was the wrong format for me to get help because no one can see how truly stuck I feel or how helpless I feel and how sorry I am. I need to have a face to face with someone objective who can help me with how to get back to where I want to be and what I know is right. So sorry we aren't seen as "objective" because we don't believe your bullchit. The people on here are so vicious - I guess it's easy to be cruel from the protection of a computer monitor. The people here don't swallot bullchit. Wrong forum for that.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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