I finally created an account. I have been reading the books and the website since 2002. I have been divorced since 2004.

I have so much respect for these concepts and I have learned so much from each of you. I truly wish that I had been fortunate enough to be armed with this knowledge way back when.

I came in this morning to work, and just like always, I was checking on some of the poster’s stories that I have been following for years, and some for just months. I really feel like this is the last option I have, as a sister, as a sister-in-law, and as an aunt.

Please forgive the length and my rambling.

My twin brother and his wife were married four years ago. She was pregnant when they married and they had dated for 3 or 4 years before that happened. My brother is an alcoholic. He was always a beer drinker. Loved beer. He was never overly affectionate, but the beer made him sweet. He had also been diagnosed with depression when he was 18. The depression and the beer drinking all started about the same time, give or take. He never took medication well, but he was sure to have his however many beers every night. He began dating my sister-in-law about that time and she bought him beer. Somehow, this all seemed normal, though I don’t know why.

Anyway, fast forward through moving in together, pregnancy, marriage, and a DUI one mile away from home. My brother stopped drinking – cold turkey. It was right before my niece was born and he just didn’t want any part of it anymore and all of the other risks involved.

My niece was born – and since that time, their marriage has been slowly falling apart. The sweetness left when the beer did. Right now, they are in crisis. My sister-in-law has just about taken all that she can and it tears me up that I am witnessing this and that I am unable to do anything about it.

There are absolutely no needs being met, by either of them now. She has all but given up. I understand her frustration in speaking with my brother; he is just so angry all of the time. It is next to impossible to get him to actually have a conversation about rebuilding because he speaks down to her constantly. He has recently admitted that he is miserable and that he doesn’t want to live that way – yet he won’t and hasn’t done anything to make it better.

My brother has a full time job, takes college courses, and plays in a band. My sister-in-law has an extremely heavy course load at school and works part-time. They have a home and a 3-year-old little girl. Their lives are very hectic. With their schedules being so overloaded, they have begun to pull away from our group of friends and family – and we see them less often.

I spoke to my sister-in-law last night for a long time and she is just exhausted and disgusted with him and his attitude.


I have spoken at length with my sister-in-law about Marriage Builders and she has skimmed through the site – I do not know how much. At one point she promised me that she would log in and try to get help from people who have worked for years on their marriages – but she hasn’t, yet. I am hoping by her seeing that I took the initial step - that she will soon follow.

I do not believe there is any infidelity, I just know this general forum received the most traffic. Please let me know if I need to move it.

I love my brother, my sister-in-law, and niece very much. I am going to try and direct her to this post.

Please ask any questions. I am sure I left a lot out.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Please help.