Going_Forward, the most she could abscond with is about one month's salary and that is only if she failed to pay all the bills which wouldn't help her. The apartment where WW is living is owned by both of us and I don't know of any legal way to ask her to leave. Remember, we are separated by almost a third of the globe as I type. The apartment where she is basing her affair is where our son lives while attending school. He has recovered and is no longer entertaining ending it all.

My WW has always had a sense of entitlement since she lives a luxurious lifestyle for almost no effort (although she wouldn't say that). I do believe she is temporarily insane but can only hope that she comes to her senses and gets on the plane. If she doesn't???

Is Friday a slow night for posting? Last Friday I didn't know about this site. Now, I am dependent on it.

There is no news about whether she is still intending to come back to me although she has been "packing up" all week. I know whe is waffling and told me earlier that she was having a hard time but didn't want to talk about it so I know she is at least beginning the pangs of withdrawl. I'm just trying to be strong, calm and supportive.

Amy advice as to what to do if she doesn't come?

The latest is that WW has been telling all her friends about the affair, one the wife of my best friend from high school who I have known since we were teenagers. They all seem to be enablers to the A. I'm having a hard time understanding that. Is there some code among women that makes it okay for women to cheat as long as the BS doesn't know about it?

My world is pretty much upside down right now. The good news is that the books will be here on Monday.

these people will need to be completey removed from your life. anyone that supports the affair has to go.
A call to your friend might be in order too since his wife is most likely cheating too.

H:

I would consider moving to US even if it doesn't work so that you can be near your kids.

And if your WS decides to stay with you, you can keep better tabs. There are just some people in the world that if they get the opportunity, will make a bad choice. If you want to stay with her, you will have to find a way to limit her ways to make bad choices. Which may mean you may have to find a way so spend every night with her from now on.

If you did well over there, you will do fine here. Jobs are jobs.

As long as we are here in the Middle East together, she is apart from the OM. So as near as I can figure, that is good. The problem in the future is that she will want to spend the hot months here in the States but I believe we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm sure we will have to sell the apartment, as that place is a cesspool of divorced and singles sleeping around.

There is a chance that my wife is a serial cheater. If she is, is there any hope? I think she believes it is okay to get affection outside the marriage but I'll have to hear her out. Maybe she is not capable of an exclusive relationship anymore.

I changed the heading from "Agonizing in the Middle East. Need help" to better describe what I'm looking for now. So now I know who the OM is, a bit about his background, where he lives and the fact that he has a "committed" girl friend who is mostly only with him on the weekends. My WS was his "weekday squeeze" only. I need help confronting WW without revealing how I found out just yet. She'll be here in three days time.

Could anyone provide any good advice about a story that would not be a lie but would protect my source and still let her know that I know what has been going on. I was thinking about getting a picture of him somehow (Maybe with a PI?) or something else?

Hi Hurt,

Yes, there is hope... rebuilding a M is very hard after one A... it's even harder after multiple A's... but it CAN be done.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Perhaps, she never was.

While there are a few examples of serial cheats being in a recovered marriage here, I would say that much more than not, it doesn't work and results in year after year of heartache for a BS that simply can't let go of the perpetually WS.

Thanks, RIF and MEDC. I'm less blue today as I was successful finding the OM's name and where he lives. I'm still looking for a strategy for exposing her that doesn't entail revealing how I collected the information.

If I lay my cards on the table, I will no longer be able to find out what she is up to. I'd like to monitor her response when I tell her what I know at least untill there is some indication that we have a future together.

Hey Hurt,

Don't reveal your information source if you don't have too...

So is your W due back in this week?

Semper Fi,

RIF

RIF,

She is supposed to leave today to come here, arriving tomorrow. I'll probably tell her I know about the affair on Thursday and see what happens. I will try to preserve the source of my information but I may have revealed that already by blundering on the computer.

I've been going back through all our old e-mails and contacts, and it is clear that she has been emotionally detaching herself from me for awhile. I will not be surprised if she has cheated before.

I need someone info on a practical matter: I was trying to access her cellphone records and probably triggered a warning. How should I respond, and what kind of warning do U.S. cell phone companies send? Is it a text message or what?

Hey Hurt,

I'm as dumb as a box of rocks when it comes to cell phones...

I wouldn't worry too much about it for now. Check out Charlotte's thread and some of the replies that she's gotten about exposure. She's doing a great job and the exposure ended her H's A...

Semper Fi,

RIF

RIF,

I've got a feeling that we must be near the same time zones. Are you in the ME?

I'm really nervous about WW getting on the plane. If she doesn't, should I expose her right away?

This is the worst journey I've ever beeen on.

What does every think about my wife giving up A if she is a serial cheat which I'm beginning to believe more and more?

RIF, you said it was much harder but not impossible. Does anyone else have information?

Hey Hurt,

I'm on my second tour in Afghanistan...

Based on what you've told us, if your W doesn't get on the plane and makes more excuses, then I'd go for a nuke-exposure. The purpose of this exposure would be to END the A. Exposure isn't for revenge, it isn't to 'punish' your W... it's sole purpose is to end the A.

People can and do change. I think that you've received some good advice from some of the other posters... I would SERIOUSLY consider changing jobs so that you can spend all of your nights with your W. I think that in your particular situation, that if you continue to work away from home for 3-4 nights a week, that eventually, your W will probably have another A.

My best recommendation for you and your W would be to find a stable job where you don't have to travel. Start counseling with the Harleys and follow their guidance.

The rebuilding process takes about two years. Once you guys get to that point and are comfortable in relating to each other, then you might possibly be able to return to the ME... but until you work through this A, then I would strongly recommend that you find a job that allows you to be at home every night...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Your are right, RIF. I don't believe either WW or I is dealing too well with separation. I have a job worked-out at least for the near future that will allow me to be home every night for awhile. I have started counseling with Steve Harley and hope WW will join me. It remains to be seen what her reaction will be when I expose her. I'm hoping that the reason she has stayed with me all these years is because there is still a spark of love after all we've been through, but I guess time will tell.

Hey Hurt,

One of the things that you might want to do before your W arrives is come up with a list of boundaries that are NOT negotiable if you are to even begin to try and rebuild with your W... some things to think about:

* 100% NO CONTACT with the OM (phone, e-mail, voice mail, IM, etc.)
* MC w/ Steve Harley
* Passwords to all e-mail accounts and cell phones

If your W balks at any of these, I would let her know that you consider these three items essential to rebuilding the M, and that if she isn't willing to do them, then you will have to decide on the next step...

Don't use your list as a threat... these are boundary issues that you must enforce in order to remain in the M... Only you can decide what your boundaries are, and what the resulting action will be if she breaks a boundary...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Thanks again RIF,

I really appreciate your guidance. As this is all news to me, I'm not quite sure how to do the face to face but I'm planning on keeping my cool. No shouting, threatening just trying to keep it plain and heartfelt.

I guess you can tell I'm nervous.

Hey Hurt,

It's never easy to confront someone... the goal is to confront her out of love.

Again, make sure that you've decided on your non-negotiable boundaries. You must stand firm with these and have appropriate consequences if she doesn't follow them.

Relax and try to focus on what you want to say to your W... I really think that if she does get on the plane and come back to the ME that 1/2 the battle is won... if she doesn't get on the plane, then that will be a pretty strong signal that she's still involved with this OM and the A... and you should expose further...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Hey Hurt,

Just wanted to check and see how you're doing today...

Semper Fi,

RIF