Well I was married a few years ago but that is not why I am here. I just broke off an engagement two weeks ago and I am feeling so down about it. There was abuse, both physicall, verbally, and emotionally. I do not proclaim to be innocent in the ordeal and do admit that I did have fault also, but I feel horrible about the break up. He has emailed and texted a couple of times and I ignore them. He hasn't tried to come see me at all or call. The second weekend of being alone is approaching and I am so sad. We lived an hour and a half apart and we would spend EVERY weekend together for the ENTIRE weekend. Now I don't know how to get threw the weekends and all of my girlfriends are married or live away so I can't spend time with them. Can anyone relate?

Well I did not hear from my x at all today for the first time since I broke up with him. No text, email, or phone call. I have to admit, and I don't know why, but I do feel a sense of sadness is finality to the relationship. I did make a list when I started to feel sad about the good things. I wrote the good times and memories on one side and then matched each good memory with some bad memory or thought that I have experienced with him. That worked for a little while, but when I put the paper down, the sadness and finality of the relationship come to ahead and I feel depressed.

You know you dodged a bullet, don't you tally?

Still, even a bad relationship fills some needs. Do you want him back? Are you finding worthwhile things to do on your own? Hikes, museum trips, church?

That is what everyone keeps telling me. The physical abuse only happened one evening. It hasn't been repeatedly, but I have noticed controlling issues in the past as well. Everyone keeps telling me that it would have happened again, I don't know. I do go to church weekly, but have been unable to come up with some ideas about things to do that do not remind me of x. I guess b/c we would do everything together, it is hard to find other things.

No one needs to "tell you" it would happen again. There can be single incidents of physical fighting with couples, NOT to justify it. BUT it's how he reacted. Was he SORRY? Did he say he'd go to counseling alone and with you? Did he take this incident very, very seriously? Or did he blame you? The losers will blame the one they hurt. The losers will say "you made me do it."

If you did "everything" together maybe that wasn't healthy. But we all do it. Get into a relationship, and dont' nurture our friends, then wonder where they are when we break up. Abusive relationships are the worst. If he was really abusive he would have tried to isolate you from friends and family. Mine did, he just didn't want to spend time with me and friends/family. I was cut off from the world when I left him, that's how jerks want it to be.

If it was a weekend relationship did he go to church with you? Is there someone at church that can counsel you, a female role model of some sort? At first everything will remind you of your ex. You'll go shopping and forget you aren't supposed to buy things for him. Little things every day, but with time there will be healing and a distance, and less hurt.

Be glad you live 1-1/2 hours apart and don't have to run into him. Distance, physical, is good. But not always the best when dating - as the bad guys can show you what they want you to see in long distance relationships... you know. There's no daily reality. And jerks like that.

Ok?

Well he was NEVER really sorry for what he did. When I would bring it up, he told me "If you wouldn't have said what you said, then I would not have done that." He offered to go to counseling with me and alone,and we went to three sessions together and he went to one alone. After that he began to make excuses as to why he couldn't make it every time we were scheduled to attend. At that point, I realized that he wasn't serious about getting and receiving help and he certainly didn't think that HE had the problem. To this day, and it has been two weeks since we split, he blames me for making him this way. He blames me for our relationship going down the drain. And he certainly doesn't see what he did to me as wrong. I thought all this time apart would have made him see or realize that he had done something wrong and be sincerely sorry for what he had done. But like my counselor says, why would he be sorry he doesn't think he has done anything wrong.

Hi Tally,

I missed this thread last week - I was away. But I wanted to let you know you are not alone with your feelings. I found the weekends to be brutal at first. I could fill up my weekdays - work, hobbies, chores etc. But the weekends seem to drag on forever and they were so lonely. It's hard if you've been together a long time and don't have a network of weekend friends that you can call up to go out for a beer or a movie. That was the case with me. I'm doing a lot better now. Believe it or not, you build up these networks gradually over time. If you can find a support group, that's the best way to meet people in the same boat who will also be looking for people to spend time with on those long, lonely weekends.