This isn't quite like everyone's tale here as my tale involves my girlfriend rather than my wife although we were nearly engaged last April. I know that just about everyone will say why would you want to tie yourself down with someone who could't even make it to the altar with you. The problem is that in spite of her infidelty with a married man I still love her just like a spouse and her family loves me more than anything.

The sadest part of all this is that she is an incredibly beautiful woman, successful in her career, and she was a very loving girlfriend until the affair fog crept over her in July.

She met her paramour through work and the EA began in July and progressed to a PA in August I believe.

My suspicions were raised late in August but I didn't confront her until late September when it became too much. I left in October (a big mistake I know) did some LB'ing but she kissed me in middle of OCtoebr while we hung out and took care of some business.

I just served her papers indicating that I vacated the apartment we shared and I'm no longer paying rent. The car I bought from her is still in her name, but I will be serving papers to her this month requesting the title (she claims she lost it) so it can be transferred into my name.

Unfortunately Plan A can't work like most here because we're not married and now I'm moving towards Plan B.

Part of me wants to go to court so I can Plan A her and expose her in court which should get the MM on high alert.

If she doesn't get anyonme new in the apt then she'll get an eviction notice.

Of course she's said all the fog things like I Love you but I'm not in love with you. This comes froma woman I was able to get to have an orgasm without any clothes having been taken off.

I'm heading to Plan B as soon as our business is done but I can't expose because I don't have legal ties to her.

She doesn't know that I know who the guy is, however which is one trick up my sleeve.

What to do?

Exposing has nothing to do with legal ties. Tell her friends, family, etc... and ask for their assistance in getting her to end what she's doing and come to her senses.

But...I WILL agree with what you feel everyone will say.

This is a warning sign. If it happens now...when everything is supposed to be roses...it makes it FAR more likely that it will happen again when you have to WORK to maintain your marriage. You should give that some serious thought.

Well, I hope you have told his betrayed Wife.

I haven't exposed to her yet because I don't have tangible evidence (I'm checking the computer we shared for conversation logs on messanger or something like that.) I do know the guys name and I know where he lives.

What's the best way to confront her? Over the phone? In person? I'll admit I'm a bit scared mostly because of the unknown factor of what the OM may do.

As far as work mates I have their e-mails and they are her only friends really (sort of points to her issues I presume)

Do I send an e--mail to her friends so and so needs your help she was not honest why we broke up. She broke up with me because she was having an affair with a married man? do actually name the guy because I know he's there occasionally working with my WGF's company as a Sales guy.

As far as her parents go do I send letter or notify them by phone? Same questions apply ... do I name the guy or what?

I don't have a lot of advice to offer, there are a lot of people much more knowledgeable than I am here. However, I can tell you that the marriage builders principles can be applied to people who are not married.

I'm not legally married to my spouse. It's a common law marriage. We took our "vows" when we decided to have kids together. But, we are following the principles, and even have counseling through Jennifer Harley.

here is my opinion,

For the sake of the OM's W, please tell her, obviously if you know its that man. W of OM has a right to know.

You should go on with your life and do not bother her at all. This way, A. you will get over her faster if she never comes back and B. Sometimes this perks up the interest of the person and she may realize what you meant to her when you are out of her life completely.

But, I got to tell ya, if she is not honest and a cheat while you are dating it will be much of the same while you are married, my guess is, this isn't the first time she has cheated on you.

Thanks for all the replies.

As an update we're dealing with the financial matters. She just took me off her cell phone bill and then she wanted to make "some changes" .... ouch, I realized she's going to be adding the MM to her phone to help him as otherwise she didn't need to make changes as I was leaving her bill.

I got my name off the lease of the apartment and now we've got her old car to deal with.

Good news is her friend (girl friend) will likely be moving in and she's pissed at my WxGF for what she's doing and yelled at her for a long long time.. We're good friends and I get the impression she's moving into work on helping my WxGF get out of the fog.

However, she's in really deep, I know because I saw kept wine corks from a couple of bottles of wine with OM.

We shouldn't have much contact but I can tell that from the conversation today my WxGF misses me quite a bit and because I could sense that she was uncomfortable about things being awkward at the old apartment when I was face to face with her, yesterday.

Anyway I'm going to be Plan B save for the car and I'm going to reach my goals and leave her be.

I'm glad that our mutual friend will be there as I've always been worried that my WxGF might commit suicide when the A ends.

Today was a bad blow but thanks to the stories here I understand than she's just addicited and lost. She may never leave the fog and I can't wait around for her to do so.

On with life! Vive la vie!

From the ashes rises the Phoenix.

You don't need tangible proof to expose to OMW. All you need is to raise her suspicions, get on a good working dialogue with OMW, and inform her when OM and your WGF are meeting up. Also, they can be exposed at work.

On another note, how long have your and your WGF been together? Since you aren't married, I would suggest finding a woman that won't cheat on you.

we were together just shy of 2 years.

I agree it's for the best and there's someone better out there.

However, I never the close the door and if she gets better I'd take a second chance but only my conditions (i.e ****** for her to come crawling back)

Expecting her to come crawling back is pretty unrealistic.

If you truly love this woman, and want your relationship to continue, study the MB ways, listen to those who respond to your posts, and start with a totally committed Plan A, and a full round of EXPOSURE, totally without warning or threat.

In the mean time, read as much as you can about MB philosophy, and how to combat infidelity in your relationship.

Your situation is no different than if you were married to this woman, unless, you have decided to just cut your losses and find someone who hasn't put you in this position.

You will learn a great deal about how your NEXT relationship
should work, if you try and fail at this one.

Best wishes,
SD

I do love her more so than anyone girl I've been with. Exposure should should be interesting. The question is coming up with a good way to tell the OMW. I'm trying to figure this one out. Is letter better than in person or over the phone or how should I do it?

Do it either in person or over the phone. A letter is too easily intercepted.

Do not tell anyone that you are going to inform OM's W. Telling your WGF gives OM a chance at spin control...a chance to work up an excuse.

Be prepared to prove you are who you say you are...give specifics.

See if you can get her to agree to speak at least one more time to compare notes with her.

She will probably be hysterical by the end of the conversation, but know that you did the right thing, regardless of the outcome.

Thanks Krazy what about a letter to her (OMW's) work? I don't have the home phone number yet. So I'm a little leery of calling and getting the OM. I don't know when the OM will be there either so I'm also leery of going there and him being there.

I would avoid sending a letter. If you know where she works, call her there, tell her you have something urgent to discuss regarding OM, and ask her if you can contact her when she's off work.

If she tries to blow you off, then I'd blurt it out then and there. It's not ideal, but it's more likely to hit home coming from a person, not a letter...especially if you don't have any concrete evidence.

Don't worry about what OM will do. Most OPs are gutless when confronted, and the police would know exactly who to arrest if anything were to happen to you.

In my situation, I prayed that OM would get angry enough to come after me so I could "neutralize" him legally.

Telling his wife is the right thing to do, and it makes for sweeeeeet revenge.

Thanks again Krazy,

I'm not so worried about physical confrontation as I've been wrestling for 20 years so I know how to defend myself and neutralize attacking parties. I'm more worried about guns etc.

I'm not out for revenge Krazy, I'm looking to expose to fight for my WxGF (she chose to split because she said ILYBNILY which is a bunch of crap she only started saying this after she met the OM)

What should I say to the OMW over the phone? Do I give her details about my WxGF? DO I point her here? what else should I tell her?

I called OM's W the day after d-day, so I've done this once before.

Don't just say, "Your husband is cheating with my wife!" at the beginning. Introduce yourself, let her know that you've got some really bad news.

Stay calm.

Make sure you use OM's name at least once.

Let her know that you'll provide as much info as you can to help verify what you are saying, if she wishes.

I said it before, but it's important: Try to get her to agree to talk at least once more to compare notes/stories from the WS's.

She might treat you like the enemy. Don't be surprised. She'll likely be in shock...out of her mind.

If I had it to do over again, I would actually have a script or an outline written down, like a telemarketer, before I made the call.

Be ready for an angry callback from OM. He might threaten you, or he might try the "How dare you mess with MY family" argument. Wish him luck with his wife and hang up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You may not be out for revenge, but you are doing the right thing. Down the road, once the anger sets in (it will), you will gain some comfort in knowing that you stirred up the same sh_t storm in his home that you are dealing with in yours.