OK, for those with EOW custody, how do you define vacation? We can each take up to 4 weeks of vacation with the kids each year.
Does a vacation week mean 7 days in a row, or can a vacation week be added onto your regular weekend so that you'd get 2 weekends in a row (actually 3) or about 10 days?

I'd love to hear how others interpret this. This is a recurring problem issue.

Hi newly,

What I find works best for me is to not be so tied to a schedule. If ex wants time with the boys that is technically mine I try my best to accommodate that. I feeling it helps my boys and me in the long run to not have more tension and animosity between their father and me.

Does your ex want to do something special with your kids? If they aren't going anywhere and what you know you're going to missing them see if you can get them for an afternoon or dinner and over night.

I guess it boils down to trying to be understanding of why he's asking for the vacation to work this way and trying to be flexible.

He doesn't want more time with the kids. He doesn't talk to me, so I wouldn't know whether or not he has plans.

He's not asking for a vacation, he's attempting to define my vacation and then tell me when I can and cannot go.
This is actually overflow from last year's Thanksgiving vacation.

I know I need to get a court order to have a parenting coordinator assigned. In trying to find a list of Parenting coordinators, I found an article written by a lawyer. He sent me a list and said I was right in my interpretation.

I get frustrated that x Changes his interpretation to suit him. He takes 2 weekends, but now seems mad that I did last year.

This year again he's ignoring the mediated agreement. So I'll need to file a court order to have it enforced. I just wanted examples of how others interpret. And What I sense from friends is flexibility. There is no flexibility here on his side, ever. As a friend says, he's incapable of change.

i have not run into that problem yet. it is 7 days in a row. usually my ex would have to go back to work after his 7 days off as he is not a m-f weekends off job. BUT, if he wanted his 7 day vaca and it ran into one of his weekends off i would probably allow it. but we do have some flexibility in our agreement...

mlhb

Well, I do work m-f, and I do take advantage of the 4 weeks of vacation a year I may take with my children.
X only goes on vacation because his mother books a shore house and pays for it. It's a weekly rental, so he's gone for 2 weekends in a row.
Now he says that I can't do the same.
Every interaction with him causes me to think NPD.
The rules always change to meet his demands. The entire world should revolve around what he wants, even his lies.

I'm hoping a parenting coordinator can help here.

Sorry Newly,

I don't have any advice for you. We don't divide it up that way. If there is one thing ex and I are good at, it's accommodating and adjusting our schedules. It hurts everyone if you aren't.

If you can't take them 2 weekends in a row, then he will have to have them back earlier when he takes them. End of story. Either way, when one of you has to bring them home early, the kids are the ones missing out on a few days of adventure.

When ex takes our kids on vacation, he usually goes for a week or eight days. It takes up two weekends, although due to his work schedule, he will pick them up here on Saturday morning and keep them until the following Saturday or Sunday. 2 weekends in a row does not seem unreasonable for vacation. Hopefully your x will realize that.

Shared parenting works well when parents are flexible and reasonable.
He is neither. I need to go back to thinking of his as a teenager who said "I want what I want".
He'll use one argument one year and demand the opposite the next year.
I can't believe I lived with his way of thinking for so long. Lived may be too strong, survived may be a better term.

All bets, and advise, is off when you're dealing with someone who has a personality disorder or addiction. If we are dealing with exs who are relatively "normal" there may be some predictability. For you and others dealing with exs who have mental, emotional, or behavioral problems the only thing predictable is that you have continued problems. The only thing I can think to suggest is to talk with a mental health professional and ask them the best way to deal with his particular problem then maybe contact your attorney to set up some standard response, if there is such a thing, for the issues that crop up the most.

Sorry you and your girls are dealing with this newly. Just think, only 10 or 15 more years to go. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Newly,

In our agreement, it states that in the odd years I have first pick of vacation dates and my X gets the even years. I can use the days he has the kids or the days I have the kids, it doesn't matter, it's my choice and he must comply to it; same goes for him.

I hope it will all work out for you, I just wish your X can just put things aside between you two and just focus on the kids.

Good luck!

Thanks for the responses. I need to hear how normal people handle it. I reread the documents, and it appears he just makes up his own rules and demands stuff.

I've even asked him to consdier this as a business arrangement, and what might be blocking his ability to communicate for the sake of the children.

I like the idea of picking years. That doesn't matter as much in our case because he doesn't take the kids on vacation and I do.

Here's the thing, Newly. In my experience, people who live by different rules than they require others to live by, also seem to have a blind spot. They cannot see that they have a double standard. Trying to get them to see that and "play fair" is futile at best.

The way I see it I have two choices: Make he follow the letter of the contract or cede to his whim because it's good for the girls. I take it on a case-by-case basis. And I get it in writing.

Good points GG.
I put everything in writing, he never responds. I have a paper trail of information, requests, etc. With no response.