What would be the purpose of my ex's reservation of two hotel rooms this weekend? He comes to see his boy once or twice a month, since I moved it's the hotel just down the road from where I live. I started letting my three year old stay over with him again just one night.

So here's what's strange, I received an email that said I had a reserved room under my ex's name. I cracked into his email and he had three emails from the company, two emails confirming two different rooms and another email with specific instructions "that the two rooms be adjoining."

We've been separated three years, have no formal legal agreements. He's been living out of state for three years and now says he's moving back to this state.

He's always up to something it seems, but this one I can't figure out? Is there a reason he wants to make it look like he's paying more then he is? or that he'd say I stayed at the hotel and why? Or is there someone else coming I don't know about? Why was one of the hotel reservation/emails addressed to my email address? I've never had that happen before but I'll admit I crack his emials and have record of his reservations.

In the past there's been a few times he's reserved hotels then cancilled them.

I just don't get it. I'm tired of trying to figure this man out and what he's up to. I know, I know, I know, hurry and divorce him while he's losing another job, before he moves, while he's in a transition...

I should. I have a little boy at stake here. I can't imagine a judge would decide he could come back to the state after three yeras and do a major custody battle or something, he's been missing in action. But yes he's had a long track record of now showing up every 2-4 weeks for 1-2 weekends a month.

I'm so sick of all of this. So what's the latest plot here?

STOP!

Stop trying to figure him out...

Stop checking his emails...

Stop trying to make sense of this all...

It doesn't make sense...

He doesn't make sense.

Yup

Can you write this on a post it, and move it around as necessary?

IT WILL NEVER MAKE SENSE!

Hi horsey2,

We talked a long time ago and I've followed your situation somewhat. I was married to a narcissist who kept me real busy for about four years.

Newly has it. Stop. You have to cut him out of your life LEGALLY. ASAP. If you're worried that he's trying to create a separate reality, just use a debit card and/or keep receipts everywhere you go. They're time and date stamped and can be used to blow holes in whatever evil plots you might suspect him of. And keep a brief journal. Then let it go.

It is possible that you have or are becoming addicted to this craziness. The only thing to figure out is that you happened on a tornado in life and you need to stop going near and getting hit by debris. Putting a legal boundary between you and your son against this man's finagling is what you have to do as well as putting a boundary within your own mind to stop giving him one second more of your thought life than you absolutely are required to give. Do you suspect sexual abuse with your son? Then part of your divorce should include a child advocate who will investigate or focus your own investigating on getting proof and then get done with this.

You should ask yourself why, after all this time are you still married? Is it a financial problem? You need to focus on getting divorced. If you have to do it the cheapest way possible (without giving up the farm) then do that first, then tackle other problems as you see fit. You will get through this.

My guess is that you are not done with this because you have some codependent tendencies that make you believe you have some power in this situation. The only power you have is setting and maintaining boundaries against such people. That is all. A glimpse into the future doing things as you have been will look exactly the same three years from now. He's a crazymaker and he's making you crazy. He probably is trying to establish some alternate reality with which to call you a liar, so the sooner you cut it off the better for you. Cut it off! It's a cancer. No amount of analysis is going to stop it from eroding your life.

Start thinking of your compulsive analysis as an addiction and break away from it. The difference between a healthy passion and an addiction is that addiction is destructive and passion is constructive. Is this thinking constructive? What is it producing? See what I mean?

I hope I haven't offended you. I only know these things because I've been through it. Sometimes you need to reach out in the dark and just do what wisdom tells you to do without understanding why, without 'feeling' it and eventually you find yourself in the light. You don't know necessarily what got you there and you may not be able to see to get out. But, once you're in the light of a new life, it WILL all become clear to you.

Check out this website: atthewell.net. There's lots of good stuff for self-check there, lots of good stuff about dealing with destructive relationships and support if you need it.

Be free.

It will never make sense.

So Protect yourself and your son.
Get it done.
I couldn't wait to be divorced from that nonsense, and my X kept dragging it out.
Why would you want this madness to continue?
People at work laugh when I count down the years when I will no longer be liable for filing joint taxes with X. I don't trust him.

You will always have some crazines due to your son. But it can be limited.