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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 34
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 34 |
Am heading through the final stages of my divorce and I am just sad.
I do not really miss my ex, but the compnaionship.
I feel displaced, lonely and just feel like I am going through the motions in life.
Is this normal?
I've started dating again and feel pretty good about that but I find when I am alone, it's just really hard.
Kinda sound like a [censored] don't I?
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774 |
no, you are not a "[censored]".
i did not feel deep sadness after my marriage ended but i felt the way you are feeling now when my first ltr after my marriage ended. that was over this past summer. and yes, that would describe it. displaced, very deeply deeply sad, hurt, very alone.
it takes time to pass. i wish i could say i was all the way there but i am not completely over it yet. much more over it than i was, but not completely.
i am finally getting to a place where i feel i can get back on path, set new goals that do not include him. rewrite my future. and it is making me VERY cautious about another serious relationship happening any time soon. i was very careful in my choice and it still did not work. so i am flying solo for now.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150 |
You sound normal....Do you have a counselor?
Do you think it might be better to take longer to heal before getting into another relationship? Especially to wrap up your divorce and find yourself again?
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 363
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 363 |
Yes, those feelings are absolutely normal as you grieve the end of your marriage.
Everyone goes through them, at different paces and different stages. Take one day at a time, it's ok to feel sad and reflect on your loss and pain.
Be careful not to let these feelings overwhelm you though. Do be with people who loves you-- family and friends-- when you don't feel like being alone. You don't necessarily need to date. This means you will bear the complexities of a relationship, and the end of your marriage at the same time-- no need to get your emotions mixed up at this stage.
I understand how uncomfortable and unbearable loneliness can be. It's ok to be alone. And it's ok to seek company to share your time with... take little steps till you can stand on your own two feet!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 180
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 180 |
Dude, you are in the "Will I ever find anyone better than she was, or will I be alone?" phase.
Every man goes through that. I went through it with my ex wife, and with my ex GF 3 months ago.
Consequentially, it proved to be the right decision. I have upgraded after every break up. Better looking, smarter, more personal.
Let me assure you, you made the right choice.
Also, if you involve yourself in activities, it will go away. Sign up for karate, or start working out, or take dance lessons (-ie- The Meeting Tons of Eager Women Class), or do the Church thing.
Don't just sit at home farting around. That will make you a lonely fool.
The opposite of love isn't hate...it's indifference
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 634
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 634 |
Yes, it is completely normal and I am going through the same thing right now. I am two weeks into a breakup from my ltr after divorce and it is horrible. I had no idea it would be this hard. But I am trying to occupy myself and seeing a counselor once a week to work on my self esteem since it is low. Of course it is low. We never think that we will love someone as much as we loved this person. We never think we will find anyone else. And certainly we never think we will find a relationship that will last. I know I have been there more than once. Make yourself busy and allow yourself to cry and hurt. Mostly try to consume yourself with activities that will make you happy.
"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch."
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