(((((cat))))))

Thinking of you Cat

Cat, I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to find kindness for yourself in such a tough situation, but as you get back to your routines, I hope you feel better. Your mom wouldn't want you to beat yourself up, she'd want you to take care of yourself. And your H wouldn't want you to feel like you "have to make it up some time," he'd want you to feel relieved that he can do this for you in such a tough time. I'm glad he's by your side as you go through this. (((Cat)))

Thanks.

I'm sorry for not responding to each post, but I'm trying to stay out of here cos I start crying each time I do, ya know?

It's hard not to beat myself up because I was on my way to a doctor's appt Monday when my brother called at 3; she'd been in the hospital for several hours, but he couldn't find my work or cell #. He said they were keeping her overnight for tests when I asked if I should come straight over (she had been coughing blood), so I went ahead and went back to my side of town for my appointment, and THEN headed for the hospital (remember, it's an hour drive to get across Houston); and H needed to go to yet another corner of town for work, and I told him that brother said it wasn't that serious. So we both went and did other things first; but then her heart stopped and they had to ventilate her (emphysema, 78 years old), which they weren't expecting. By the time I got there 3 hours later, they had just revived her but they said she couldn't breathe on her own any more, and she did NOT want to be on a ventilator, so we had to tell them to pull it; and her heart was so weak it just had to stop.

So...the beating up - yet again, I chose personal stuff instead of going straight to her, and she was alone and scared in an ER without me. And I never got to see her awake to say goodbye. H is just as upset, cos he works near her hospital, yet he went across town cos work wanted him to.

I have a lifetime history of choosing H over my family, to keep him happy. You may remember a trip back home to see all my family that I passed on because H said no; actually, that was one of 3 trips I passed on so as not to upset him. He kept saying we'd go, we'd go, but we never did, and I missed the last one, which was the last time mom saw her family. I hadn't seen them since D19 was 1 because of that. Just a big mess.

You were going on the information you had, cat. ((((hugs))))

Cat, I am so sorry about your mother. It is not just their passing that makes a loved one's death so difficult. It is all the relational stuff that it roils up.

Please remember that you are not perfect. You cannot always make the correct decision. You will not always be in the right place at the right time. You probably know this intellectually, but you do not know it with your heart--how to accept yourself and your decisions and not to constantly second-guess yourself.

Do you have this scenario in your head of how a perfect Cat should have behaved? And beat yourself up because of all the ways you deviated from that perfect picture?

Also please do not blame your husband because he doesn't always make the perfect choice for you. He is just a human being as well.

Buckle your seatbelt, Cat. It's going to be a bumpy night.

I agree with Nano. The possibility that Jupiter will be aligned with Mars when someone passes away are very slim. There will always be this self examining thing that goes on in our minds, whether we did the right thing, what we could have done differently. I think it's just natures way of forcing us to learn something from the experience? I don't know.

All I know, Cat, is that you will see her again, and her arms will be open.

In the mean time you have a life to live, opportunities to keep learning about your marriage and your husband's true heart, while still guiding your daughter into full adulthood, and you're doing a fabulous job. I like to believe that the secrets of our hearts are revealed to those who pass on. If that is true, I believe your mother knows all that you've struggled through, and she would want you to continue being a great mother. She would want you to have a good marriage. She would want you to be happy and fulfilled. So do her the honor of not allowing yourself too long the luxury of regret. Keep moving forward.

Cat,

I am sorry to hear about your mother, the inevitable sucks no matter when it happens. Please try to remember that everyone makes decisions on incomplete information, because the future is uncertain. The future will always be uncertain, and NO ONE can predict outcomes with complete accuracy all the time.

sportsguy

{{{{{ cat }}}}}

Please try to go easy on yourself. Like everyone is saying, you made the best choice you could based on the information you had. And also, please don't feel you have to "make it up to" your H for him being nice to you. Accept his love and care.

*hugs*

Yes of course Cat, don't worry about that we all just want to reach out

Catperson,

(((((((((tight tight tight hugs cat)))))))))))

Cat...just wondering how you're doing today.

Thinking of you, Cat. In prayers...

LA

Cat was banned from the forum yesterday. She asked me to let you all know. I for one am sorry to see her go. There have been a lot of newcomers who understandably need a lot of support, and I admire the patience and diligence cat has given to so many of us in her time here.




******************from JustUss***************
NewEveryDay,
Although I'm sure you aren't aware, this information is not true.
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Hey Cat how have you guys been holding up?

I think I'm that man