Onmyway- Where do you live in NC?!

What a boring and depressing day, hopefully church will lift me up tonight.

Zach,

Kudos on the NC letter and the blocks. Good self-care for you, as Belle said. Taking these actions build your self-trust, your self-respect.

You're not legally anything yet, 'k? Even when you are...you can read stories here of reconciliation after separation...after divorce, even.

Stick to your goal.

Get the OW's letter mailed.

Reach for the bible anytime you want a good time, a lift. God doesn't stop reaching for you. Let him in.

Do you have K-Love in your area?

LA

By K-Love what do you mean?

I just got in from church, im lucky to have such great people at my church to give me hope and courage, im truly blessed! As well as the people that have stuck by my side here and have faith in me.

Im heading off to bed, church helped me a lot tonight.


One day at a time.....Long ways to go


Imma try and finally get some sleep for one night <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

www.klove.com - a radio station which may be in your area...you can go to the website and look up the call numbers and see if you get it where you are.

Doesn't have any commercials, either.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

Thanks LA, ill check it out!


How is everyone today?

Well since last night I decided I would FINALLY stop chasing my wife and bothering her. I dunno how she will take it really, I noticed she signed off AIM and hasnt gotten back on which is unsual. Oh well, I need to stop worrying about her and worry about myself.

One day at a time...

Hey, Nothing you can do but continue on with your plan to rebuild yourself and build a relationship with God. Chasing your wife didn't help, didn't help you or her.

No reason why you shouldn't respond if she contacts you however. Just be nice.

Yeah, some reason it finally hit me last night to stop chasing, ive been trying to gain enough courage to do it, but I finally realized it was getting me no where cause with me bothering her, she didnt have a chance to work on her emotions and all I did was make her mad.


We havent contacted eachother today, but nothing I can do but work on myself!

Zach:

Beautiful Jacksonville. You?

Glad church helped you. I wouldn't be here today without my faith, it's one of the things that helps me the most.

Lexington, Davidson County.


Yes faith is great.


Im having an ok day today for once, but I know ill go into one of my panic attacks by bedtime.

Ive had a decently smooth day.


One thing thats been bothering me the last 3 days is something she said to me the other night.


"If the last day comes and I call you up and tell you I want to work this out, how do I know your going to tell me everyone you have been with in the meantime?"


Of course I told her Ill be waiting till the day of our divorce. But that statement she made to me seemed almost to give me hope.

I know I should be worrying about myself and all, but that statement has boggled me the last 2 days at times.

We havent spoke to eachother all day today, and im not expecting to. Hope you all have had a great day in MB land!

"If the last day comes and I call you up and tell you I want to work this out, how do I know your going to tell me everyone you have been with in the meantime?"

That's easy, Zach. Don't date or have any relationships with women. Don't go out with friends who do. Work on yourself, and WAIT.

"Do you have K-Love in your area?"

GREAT IDEA LovingAnyway!

KLove has literally been a God-send to me and my daughters!

Zach: Believer's right - do NOT date until your divorce is final and/or you no longer desire reconciliation with your wife - whichever comes LAST. Also, it may help your wife if you become more accountable to her. Give her access to your e-mail password, phone bill records, phone message password, etc. WS accountability is one of the things needed for full recovery. Since you are a WS who so quickly ended the adultery and does want marital recovery, and your BW doesn't want to do a Plan A, then IMHO you should Plan A her PLUS do all the steps for recovery. BTW, did you ask her what her most important emotional needs are, and offer to meet them?

Also, don't forget that anytime she brings up something about the adulteries, do NOT get defensive; instead take the OPPORTUNIY to assure her that you are sorry for hurting her with that particular thing in addition to the overall betrayal AND that it's OK with you if she needs to keep bringing these things up again and again, for as long as it takes for her to process it and heal. You should actually be thankful when she brings up these particulars because her secret hope is that you will be her hero in helping her get through this. IMHO you should even thank her for giving you tose opportunities and ask her what specific things you can do to help her. Whatever you do, do NOT even hint at an 'oh no - not again' attitude because that will cause her to lose hope.

Thanks Meremortal, Yeah I do have KLove in my area! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


I will not date or anything during any of this. To tell u the truth I couldnt date the way I feel right now. I have a hard enough time getting out of the house. My W does have all my PW's and such but it seems like she doesnt care to even look. Like she told me, she thinks I have changed but shes so hurt she cant get over it. I stay calm and all when she starts venting off on me and I always assure her im sorry.

On the E Needs, we were susposed to talk about them in the next counseling session but she hasnt talked to him since, its like shes gave up. Is she going through a Withdrawal period?

I was on AIM yesterday but in a meeting and she asked me If I had my checkbook. I feel she was trying to get me to talk since Ive had NC with her for a day and a half now.

I was thinking on the way to work, Im going to give her a few days or a week or so to herself, so she has time to think over and work on herself. Cause the past 3 months, ive called her everyday and always asked her ?'s and such.

Imma give her the alone time she needs cause right now she doesnt want to do anything, counseling or talking, she wont even talk to her mom or come home, shes still staying with a friend. Last night her mom asked her when she was going to come home and she replied something like... "I dont know, I have to work through some stuff."


We did an EN question thing in pre marriage counsleing. We both checked off what our most important needs were and then what we thought the others was. Funny cause most of mine she didnt guess right, but I got every one of hers right.

I tried out K-Love this morning, and ill be dammned it wont pick up but half way to work <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

Belleuve,Meremortal,LA, Onmyway


You guys around today?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />




Onmyway- you have any bad weather your way this morning?

Also not sure if im exactly sure, you told me to do plan A. I havent been on the site to long and all the Plan A's I see is for the BS to get the WW home.

As me being the WW spouse, what do I do in "Plan A" on my part? Cause it seems like we're doing more of a Plan B cause we arent having any contact the past few days at all.

I need some help on understanding this. Thank you

Zach:

Am trying this again, first time didn't work.

Her statement from the other day means that she WANTS to trust you. Give her every reason to.

IMHO, you need to do a modified plan A. Contact her about something non-personal, and find a way to work in something thats shows you care. Not long, and don't expect anything in return at this point.

Let her know that you still love her and want to be with her.

Best wishes,

K thanks onmyway- Sorry im stubborn sometimes, Im giving her a few days to herself to calm down a little. Good news her mom told me she was reading a book on how to deal with her emotions that our pastor/counsler gave her.

Ill call in the next few days or so and check in on her for a few.


Going to go see a movie tonight with a few friends, feels good to get out of the house <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />