Does her mom support the marriage?

How is your relationship with her family? You may have to plan A them as well, if you know what I mean.

I don't mean to play them, or pretend to be someone else. Let them see that you are making positive changes, and that you are committed to working it out.

My parents support me either way I go, they have stayed out of it really.


Her mom adores me and always has, I talk to her everyday. Her mom sees my changes and is proud of me and wants us to work everything out, her mom is upset cause shes lost her daughter it seems. My W has ALWAYS been one to talk to her mom about EVERYTHING and run to her for questions and talking. Now she will not talk to her mom really, and that is tearing her mom up inside, she feels like shes lost her daughter. I think since her mom talks to me that she's sided with me which shes told her tons of times, its her decision and she wants her to be happy.

I guess im off to work, ill be on here while im there. Today is day 3 of not hearing from her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

Ehh some reason im having a rough day and missing her a ton. Especially not knowing where she is ect.

Thank you all who have stuck with me and truly believed in me through this.

Spoke with her mom, she wont really speak with her mom at all and doesnt show any sign of wanting to work this out, shes dead set on this Divorce.

Do people go through like stages like this? Is this normal?
Is there any stories like mine, where the BS wants to Divorce and is deadset on it, and will not talk about it.

Like I said, im having one of those rough days today.



Is there any stories out there similar to mine? She knows I went out last night but doesnt know with who. I feel my wife has moved on, and she is not intrested at all to see my changes. I know this is way early and all, we still have a long time till Divorce day, but today im just having one of those really rough days and need you guys advice.

Curious to whos actually sticking with me through this besides OMYH?

Well I broke the NC we were having a min ago.

I saw a quote I had to txt her.

""It's hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen. But it's even harder to give up especially when it's all you've ever wanted.""

She said yeah I understand.

Then I asked her if she was going to answer my ? to my apology letter, to at the end where I asked if there was nay possibility of Reconciliation?


She responds....I dont know anything except imma focus on me and im getting a new job, I think imma go from there.

I asked what and ect.

She tells me.... Business Clerk, but i dont know anything about us Zach, why a new job, because im tired of busting my [censored] and not getting paid anything out of it. She has an interview monday.

She may in fact divorce you. That was the risk you knowingly assumed when you cheated on her, not once, but many times. Would YOU stay married to you?

All you can do is try to learn from your mistakes and try to figure out why you were willing to do what you did to your wife. As you are seeing, there isn't a lot you can do to change your W, so keep working on yourself. I don't really think you truly grasp that yet, and I have a feeling your W sees this too.

Yes Tyk all I can do is work on myself and im doing better and better everyday, I have truly learned from my mistake ive made and I understand I cant change her mind. It is up to her.


Im just hoping and praying god helps us get through this.I was happy to hear though she finally said she was working on herself now, im happy for her. One thing I have noticed, even though shes got divorce papers, she still hasnt said there is no hope to reconcile. She just says "I dont know about us". To me, thats still hope. We have a long time till the divorce is final.

Forgot to answer your question....


Would I stay married me?


Well if I were her I would have left me before marriage. This incident, if it were me, I would give it time to see if I can recover before divorcing. So really I would be undecided if I would stay married to me. I wouldnt have married me in the first place. I had no intentions of changing my ways then. Now ive turned my life around.


Would I work on my marriage if I were me? I would try due to the changes. Wouldnt say thats my final decision, but I would try.

Hi Zach, I see maturity and self-care happining around your wife. She may be young, but she realizes she needs to have a good job, and think about what she wants in her life, and not get tied down with babies with a man she may not be able to count on. Be proud you chose such a woman.

I have been out of touch because some luggoon down the hall in my building disconnected my TW cable and plugged in their own, too cheap to pay for his. Meant no phone, no cable tv, no internet, nada.

Let the rebuilding take its own time.

Ohhh I see.....

Bellevue- Your right the woman I chose is like NO OTHER. She is one of those girls you hear about thats truly 1 in a million. I know I can never do better than her. Only time will tell.


Yay for church in the morning. Always helps me out.

Good Morning.


One of my W's friends which is also a friend of mine finally got my wife to talk last night about how she feels.

She told me this... "ya know how when you're very angry with someone and after time, you eventually forgive them? well thats the same with yalls situation. shes so angry with you for what you've done and she may or may not admitt that but she is. and one day when shes not angry anymore and she sees you again, those feelings that she once had will come rushing back and i have no doubt in my mind that you two will be back together agian... someday, i just dont know when"

"we'll see... i dont know what to tell you and i didnt know exactly what to tell her. she knows you love her and i believe that she sees your changes but i'm just not sure if she can forget... not yet"

": i think that yall will most likely get seperated and divorced.... i think if you continue to try with her even after she files for divorce, one day yall will be back together again. she needs time and she needs the relief of being by herself. honestly, now i think she just wants to prove to herself and everyone else that she can make it on her own."




I know this isnt going to apply for everyone, and everyone is different but for some of you BS's... How long did it take you after D day to decide to help yourself or decide which way to go? I know this is kinda dumb cause it will vary from person to person. Is my wife in withdrawal stage? Shes still very angry. I understand my W may never come back to me. But it really comes down to right now, can my wife deal with her emotions and be around me? She loves me, she sees changes and happy for it. I want her to seek help with Counsleing and ive asked her to read my book "Surviving an Affair" but she hasnt, ive also asked her to do counsleing with the Harley's but she wont budge.



But off to church...!

Zach, I believe your W has already answered that question.

Frozen your correct. She has, and she cant at the moment.


Only time can help this.

Zach:

If your W was close to her mom, eventually they will talk again. It is a good thing for you that her mom likes you and sees good changes in you.

Yes, I have heard stories of people who got close to divorce. Even my former wife's mom remarried her first husband after they had been divorced a few years-- so there is always some hope.

I would say that it seems to me that your wife has at least some possibility in her mind of getting back with you.

Know that this process will take time, and that you will be under a lot of stress if you continue to wait for her. Why not find another outlet for your time, instead of just waiting for her? Is there a place where you can volunteer, like thrift store, soup kitchen, etc? There is no better way to acquire the habit of selflessness than to practice it.

Onmyway- Yes her mother adores me and loves me. Her mom is a BS also. Her dad ran around on her mom at one point. They are another story themselves but im not going to get into that.

Her friend that spoke with her last night has a BIG influence on her and they were neighbors for 10+ years and grew up together. Another good thing that friend is also HER AGE unlike the girl she stays with now. Shes wanting to be on her own and work on herself and im proud of her for doing that. Shes never been one to do things by herself and on her on.

I work 10+ hours a day and work about 1 hour away. So when I get home I get on here for my leisure time and then go to bed around 9-10pm. I dont get home till like 7 so I dont have time to do a whole lot anyway. This site is fine by me to pass my time. Ive went out the past 2 nights with my friends (couples). My other friends wanted me to go to a club last night with them and told me I need to get out, but I refused to put myself in that situation and told them that wouldnt be good for my Relationship.


I have been very involved with church so thats been taking up some time for me. I think im doing ok actually, im just having those normal rocky days.


Yes my wife does want to get back with me, she has this hurt and anger right now. I told her yesterday she never answered my apology letter where I asked if there is any possibility of us being able to reconclie. Her answer to that was, "i dont know im going to work on myself in the meantime". And by what her friend told me last night shes wanting to do this but doesnt know how at the time. Tons of hurt and anger.

Last night she said she did see signs of her old self in her. After that talked and all they went out and she acted like her old goofy self. I understand this is going to take a lot of time and ill be here for her.

The friend that talked to her, her parents just split up after 30+ something years and its killed them, I dont know details of the story but her mom lost "love for her husband". I showed her this site and she loves it. So she has a good understanding of how both of us feel.

My biggest worry right now is...


My wife's very vulnerable right now cause she prolly needs someone to meet her Eneeds, im worried an attractive guy may come along within this year and meet them and be attractive to her. I know shes a very very good girl and a christian and isnt out seeking guys. Im hoping one doesnt come along.

But thats just me worrying lol....

Then it seems as though you are continuing to make good choices, you and her just need some time!

Make sure that when you talk to her you are cheerful and kind, try to avoid being demanding.

It is ok to talk to her once in awhile! NC is for OP's, not you.

Glad you are finding good things to do with your time. Is there a chance you will see her during the holidays?

Thanks on my way.....

I might not contact her really till her Bday witch is on the 18th. Good thing its on the day I have off!!!


Imma surprise her with roses and a card at her work.


Idk if she will see me during holidays, Im not expecting it to happen. She said the reason she got papers is so she doesnt lead me on through the holidays.

We'll see I guess?

Hi again Zach,

in my opinion, your wife is NOT getting input from her Mom right now because she is finding her OWN way. She is maturing, without Mommy's influence. Your wife is safe. She is with her girlfriends. she is interviewing for a new job because she realizes she has outgrown the old one.

She isn't sitting home in a funk. She isn't out there looking for a new guy. She is doing things the right way, the grownup way.

I believe she won't date anyone as long as you are still legally married. She sounds to me like someone with principles and morals.

I believe she avoids her mother because her mother was betrayed and took her betrayer back, and your wife saw that as the wrong choice. She also knows that your Mom likes you, and she does not want Mom influencing her decisions or campaigning on your behalf.

She is compassionate and thoughtful. Doesn't want you to get wrong impressions during he holidays. Not a femme fatale, but an integrated young woman.

All in all, she is quite a woman.