Her best friend for 15 years has been hanging out with them some. She brought it to my attention that the friend (Amy) is bossy and tells her to do things sometimes. Her exact words were its like shes controlling her and acting like her mother. And I dont remember the exact comment but her best friend of 15 years (Jenna) said something to my W on the phone about her friend bossing her and my W agreed with her. But yet my W is moving in with her.

I wasnt aware of this till Jenna brought it to my attention. Shes worried about her, shes not acting like herself.

Zach!

Stop worrying! No woman will put up with another woman telling her what to do for long! Soon, she will want to return to the natural order of things, which is telling a man what to do!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Smile, it's almost Christmas!

Im still laughing at that one.....I guess we'll see over time , gotta long way to go. Havent heard from her today or yesterday. Ill try and cheer up, I really wish christmas would just pass on, its going to be hard being alone during it and new years

Frozen glad u posted again.


I hope you come back to my thread please.

Can anyone link me off hand to any similar stories like mine? I know its rare for the WS to come on here willingly like I did and end an Affair so quick.


But is there any stories on here like mine? WS ends A quickly and asks for W back and doing everything possible to change and W is unsure for a period of time?

I need something to pass the time when im at home


Thanks!
-Zach

Tools for Handling Control Issues

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thx Frozen, cant view it at work cause of the blocker thing. But ill check it out when I get home tonight. I had a good day yesterday felt like my old self for once. Today is the opposite, been down and thinking of her all day.Havent heard from her in 3 days now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.


Paitence....

Hey Zach,

I saw that you were looking for viewpoints from FWWs - I'd be happy to help, but there's no way I can wade through 40 pages of this thread right now!

Do you have a question or a particular insight you are looking for?

lol, thank you, I didnt want you to read over 40 pages anyway, dont expect u to that, its very time consuming.


Give you some background.

- We're young first of all, very young, no kids ect. Been highschool sweetharts since 2003. We've never been with anyone else.Im 20, shes 20. I didnt treat her worth a crap after about a year or 2, and I had multiple cases where I cheated on her through school. I stopped for a while and continued. Slept with 3 other girls through school. My girlfriend at the time which is now my W, found out about all of them at once, she told me she was leaving me but I begged for her back and she took me back the same night. We started doing better and I became a better person for a little while.

A year later or so I ran around on her again, and we were about 6 months away from our wedding day. She was very excited about the wedding and she forgave me again, I know it should have been a redflag not to move on with the wedding but she loved me to death. Well, we got married in May of this year. Had a wonderful time through the Honeymoon ect. and was doing great for a few months. In sept, I became bored and began to feel like being a husband to her was a choir ect. Wasnt happy blah blah. I went and ended up getting involved with another girl and hung out with her and had an affair for about 2 weeks. During that 2 weeks I told my W I wanted a Divorce ect, she didnt make me happy, all the typical WW talk.

Well the girl had behavior problems (remember we're young) and her parents sent her off and no1 could contact her for 2 months at this camp. So for a week or 2 I was sad and down cause I thought I really wanted to be with this OP. Well my W was dying and she kept telling me to come home ect (she didnt know about the A at this time, but she was suspicious) and she finally went to go get D papers. Well I called her while she was on her way and begged her not to cause I started to wake up some and realized I wanted her. She went over her options and sat the papers aside.

Well then for about 3 months till nov. I lied about the A and told her I just "hung out" with the OP and didnt touch her which was a lie, I loved my W and I began to realize I loved her and I was sorry. I didnt want to hurt her anymore by telling her cause I knew she would leave me at this point. My W was already very angry and unsure if she wanted to be with me. Well the OW finally told my W and I confessed everything to her in detail and so did the OW. Well my W took out Seperation papers and saw a laywer with me on 12/5, which I havent gotten in the mail yet.

She since has started living with a close friend which does not like me and will not talk to my wife about. She says "ditch me" ect. She told me a couple of weeks ago that she didnt think she could forgive me and live not throwing it in my face and she will never forget what ive done in our marriage. I wrote her an apology letter and all and she cried and said it was really hard on me, I asked her at the end of there was any possibility of Reconciliation and she still hasnt answered that question. She said she wants time by her self and to work on herself which I respect and am happy for her, she wont go out of her way to contact me at all anymore, and she does answer my calls and now doesnt talk out of anger. She told me she loves me but is not in love with me anymore, but she will always love me to death. Shes not acting like herself and i know I cant change any of this but just letting you know what shes going through.


She will not tell me she loves me or anything anymore. On her Bday tuesday I surprised her with flowers and a card and she was happy. I also surprised her with some cupcakes she really wanted at her work at lunch and we kissing, and I told her I loved her ,and I dunno if she slipped up or what but she said I love you back? She talks to another friend of her that talks to me also and my wife is throwing so many mixed signals and emotions which im sure is normal.

Now im here, lonely nothing to do ive been going to counseling, gotten saved and got into church hardcore and became pretty good friends with him. She wont go to talk to him anymore, she did at first before she found out about the A. She wont contact me or anything, but she did last week get on my AOL Instant messenger name while I was at church and looked through it and accused me of talkign to a girl that was on there. She must still care?

Im really hurt and trying and these great Vets on here have changed my selfish ways and have turned me into a non cheating caring husband now. Ive finally became the person my W has always wanted me to be and I know I still have a long ways to go. I see all these BS's begging for their husbands to do the things im doing and wanting them to come back home. My wife is the opposite, she says shes not sure if she wants me back in her life, I know she loves me but is so hurt and torn she cant do it right now. This friend is controlling and bosses her around from what ive heard from her other friends. Im just stuck right now and so hurt but she doesnt realize my POV.


Sorry for this long post, Ive had a lot of emotions today bothering me here at work. Id love to hear some of your stories and advice! Thank you.

Honestly, it sounds like you are doing the best you can given the situation. Looking at where I was when I was 20, if I was your wife's friend I would have told her to leave you as well.

My guess is that most of your peers are single, so she is going to be seeing her single friends having fun and not dealing with all this drama. Is there any way that you can get an apartment, and create a home for the 2 of you? It just seems like if you are both living with your parents it is going to feel more like "highschool" to her - like she can just break up with you and get on with her life. I think it's important that you present yourself as a married adult instead of living at home.

One other idea, do you have any friends that are young married couples from church? It might be really good to go do fun things together with a married couple that is doing well.

At this point I think your challenge is to make married life and responsibilty as appealing as possible to your wife. Right now it's just too easy for her to live at home and hang with her friends and dog on you, ya know? You need to get out of living like you are in a highschool relationship.

I hope that's helpful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good post your right but right now I dont have the funds to do this. I got stuck with 2 credit card bills now since shes left me. I have 2 cars and a Crotch Rocket. Im trying to sell some stuff and save up money and pay these cards off first so I cant really be on my own. I really right now dont want to be alone either, I feel pretty depressed at times.


I thought about seeing if a friend wants to get a place with me but she doesnt like most of my friends and they are all single and I guess you could say typical teens wanting to hang out with girls ect. so that wouldnt be good. Im keeping myself from those people right now so I wont be put in a bad situation. My W isnt one of those girls that go out and drink and all, she has her head on straight. She lives with her Friend now and they mostly just are redoing that girls house everynight. They dont go out and do wild teenage girl things, they are good girls and stay out of trouble. I dont understand what it takes for my wife to split apart with this girl all the time and possibly come back with me and try for this M.

Shes even said she thinks ive changed and sees it but right now she just "doesnt know". Thats her answer to everything and she doesnt really like to talk about it. She put a quote in her AOL profile the other day....

"Ida Scott Taylor once wrote: Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.
"



She WILL NOT say its completely over between us. She wont say theres no chance with us, she just says I dont know or I dont wanna talk about it. I think if she continues doing this till our Divorce she will be in the same mindset. But maybe with time she will decide?


I love her and yes more than likely im going to be waiting for her for a long time cause I love her. But sometimes I wonder what if I waste a year of my life waiting and be put down? I guess thats a risk I have to take, but some days she shows signs of she will come around one day, and others like the past 3 days where i havent heard anything from her, I feel there is no hope.


I was just wanting to get opinions from the WW's on this board. How long did it take for your spouses to make the big decision?

As far as the young couples, I have a few I hang out with, but very very few, like one or two and they are always busy. I basically go to work for 10 hours everyday and come home and sit on MB reading, go to bed and get up. I dont feel like doing anything really. My friends are a bad influence on me and she doesnt like them.

Im basically sitting around a lot. Hoping everyday. church is about the only thing that keeps me busy.


I still have a decently busy life and all, I mean I leave to go to work at 6:30am. Get home at 6:45pm. And i go to bed early at like 9-10 so thats fine. I also work on saturdays till 4pm. I go to church on wednesdays and thursdays.

" I got stuck with 2 credit card bills now since shes left me. I have 2 cars and a Crotch Rocket. Im trying to sell some stuff and save up money and pay these cards off first so I cant really be on my own. "

I think you need to get your priorities in order. Credit card debt is not worth ruining your chances over! You have 2 vehicles, AND a motorcycle? Get rid of the motorcycle, immediately. Sell the car that is worth the most. Use this money to get into your own place, big enough to make a marital home. Any extra can go to the credit cards.

Do you think you could ask some of the church couples you know if they would go out with you two? I think that would really be an important first step.

Oh - and DON'T get a roommate! You need to get a place that is for the two of you to build a life together, not a bachelor pad.

Yeah I agree, Ive been trying to sell my bike here recently, If I do that then I will be fine. I make good money but the bills is killing me.

Its tough to sell it during the winter, the spring I wont have a problem I know. Ill look around and try to find some places <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.


Thanks for the advice. Im a huge car guy and do a lot of racing. I have a 600hp Car and a Corolla I drive back and forth. I work for toyota. When I get my race car back together im selling it. I can get about 30k off of it. I told her I would sell it if we def. got back together cause I use to spend a lot of my money on it.


My cars and stuff I will give it all up for my W. Id give up anything for her.

Remember, you don't have to give this stuff up forever, you have many years ahead of you where you can buy motorcycles and working on cars! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But right now, you've got to get your marriage on track!

Yes, but im not gaurenteed my W back <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.




I dunno what else to do if shes not willing to do anything.

What scares me is reading that when people move out of the house, its very very hard to get through this.


I agree, I dont see how we can if she dont see/talk to me?

She has me sooo confused.....



Wont call me or wants to spend time with me.


Told me Tuesday she loved me? On Accident maybe? Kissed me.


Does what she wants/lives with her friend.


Im doing everything possible to get her back and make her happy and she knows this.




Im just having a bad night/day I guess. So many thoughts and questions in my head. Havent heard from her since Tuesday and its killing me. I know I need to be paitent

Of course there are no guarantees, but your thread is full of advice from people that will greatly increase your chances!

Don't focus on what you can't control right now, just on what you can control, ok?

Yes.


I just got done lifting weights. Im going to start getting back into that, and start my fighting classes again. I feel much better now since I got done. Im going to continue to do everything to make myself a better person. But I know this is never going to work if she keep ignoring me day to day.