You may want to get some anti-depressants. And be sure to talk to someone if you feel suicidal. One thing is for sure - if you end it all, your mom WILL be alone - your wife TOO.

I just went to the funeral of my son's lifelong friend. She was only 25, shot with a shotgun accidentally by her sister's fiance who was only 20. Hundreds of people are going to have a sad Christmas - she is dead, and the fiance is spending Christmas in jail. Her sister completely alone for Christmas.

Im so sorry to hear that. I found my cousin dead on his face, he was 24 last year on thanksgiving day. He died of drug overdose. I feel your pain and I pray for them.


I still need a plan about what to do here. I know I need to work on myself, ive been doing that for a while now. As far as my W. Do I even talk to her? Do I call her a few times a week to ask how she is? Im stuck here. I dont know weather I should go out and look for someone else cause I feel its over or what. So many questions. So little anyone can answer but god.

Don't go out and look for someone else! You are MARRIED.

You need to be patient, and keep making changes. And you should email and call your wife from time to time. But don't go overboard. Tell her that you love her and are sorry for your part in how the marriage turned out.

Hi Zach
Please ignore your wife's threats and demands for money. She is just trying to get you to react in a way that will allow her to justify her behaviour.

The rule is that while you are married, income and expenses are treated as one and so there is no 'my rent' there is just 'rent' paid on the marital property. It makes no difference whose name is on the lease or whether she actually choses to live there.

With the car, if you have been making the payments, the car will be a marital asset although it is possible that your FIL may have to be reimbursed for the deposit if the car is still in his name.

In the event of a D, the marital assets will be everything you have except assets owned by one or the other before the marriage and not co-mingled or spent. Co-mingled means, for example, that you had money in a bank account when you got married and then put money in that same account after you were married co-mingling separate and marital money.

W can sue you for anything she wants but is very unlikely that a court would require you to pay alimony to a young wife where there are no children unless she was a full time student and was therefore unable to work.

Does this make you more comfortable?

Yes the money situation im not worried about.

#1 the car, is PAID OFF, My mother has the title actually and its in her name. My W's parents are millionaires. They own 40+ houses for rent and make good money, they work for it all. They were nice enough to help me out as a person and bought me that car and I agreed to pay a sum every month which I keep my word to and pay it every single month.


#2 the house, her parents own the house anyway so it dont matter. We rented from them, they own it.

#3 Bank account, she works at a Bank. We have seperate accounts anyway. All we have between us is 2 credit cards, one her ring is on and the other is some of our honeymoon and my car parts. I told her we could split them and I pay for mine and she pays for hers. She hasnt brought that up so I dont think thats a problem.


Im not worried, she even said she told me those things cause she was pissed off this morning. She loves me and she knows it. This guy is meeting her EN's and I guess ill hang around a little longer and see how it goes. Im not out looking for OW but if it happends it happend. My gaurd is very high though and I love my wife and im not going to go off with OW while we are married. Maybe she will see the Grass isnt greener on the other side. Shes still very angry and hasnt gotten over it. But she may never get over it without seeking help? Maybe this guy will make her fall in love again? Maybe she will miss me? Who knows.

"This guy is meeting her EN's and I guess ill hang around a little longer and see how it goes. Im not out looking for OW but if it happends it happend."

Zach - You might want to spend some time thinking about what your marriage vows met to you.

Your right Believer, im not going anywhere, Im deeply in love with my W and truly sorry for what ive done and I realize the hurt ive done to us and our families. And Im going to wait on my W till the day we are divorced.

Ive left her alone, but now shes sending me Texts again telling me how bad I am and I need to pay for this and that. I deserve it...

Text her back that you love her and are in this for the long haul. Tell her you are sorry, you made mistakes, but desire to be happily married to her.

Damn, shes letting me have at it again. She wont just stop sending me text after text telling me im paying for this and that lol. I spoke with her mom and her parents arent going to make me pay for some of the damage that was done to the house, but my W says otherwise (rolls eyes) its not her decision.


Shes so angry today. maybe she will settle down in a bit.

Oh yeah, Ment to say what I was saying back LOL.


I keep telling her ... "Ok" and... "I love you and ill be here for you till we divorce, im here for you" ect. things like that. She yells and threats but I come back with nice things and not arguing.

I love my W and want to do everything to get her back.

Ok...



That quote just made the first sentence null and void.

You need SOMEONE...which leads me to believe that ANYONE will do. That was proved by the THREE affairs.

Let's exit the pity party and get you to accept YOUR part in this.

Don't be so eager to wear the BS badge...it serves no purpose in getting you where you need to be.


It is STILL all about YOU YOU YOU and what YOU NEED.

YOU got you into this it is gonna take alot to get out of it.

YOU should be looking to do whatever is necessary to change YOU.

Do NOT focus on her...what she is or isn't doing. Who she is with or not with has ZERO bearing on what you need to do.

Remove the BS badge you are being told is yours.

YOU have shown your colors to her and she doesn't like them.

You have had 3 affairs....you have been married less than one year...and the focus is that SHE is committing adultery <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You have ZERO control over her. You have 100% control over you.


You cannot fix what you do not acknowledge. Start with that.

committed

I haven't posting as much lately, but I see you needed some help. Here are some tips that I'd like to pass along to you.

First off, get a prespription for some anti-depressants. I recommend Lexapro, but others do the job as well. DO NOT OVERUSE XANAX. It is addictive. It is meant only for emergencies.

Secondly, the biggest weapon you can have against your now WW's affair is to contact OM's parents. Tell them that their son is messing with a married woman, you did have problems before like any married couple, but she is essentially breaking up with you to date their son. If he's around your age, parents still have some influence.

Other than that, just calm down and continue with a good plan A. If I understand things correctly, you were the WS first, and now she is becoming wayward. If you are to save this M, then this is your penance. Suck it up and put it in God's hands. Your story wouldn't be the first of WH/BW then WW/BH. In fact, I helped someone named WaywardNoMore aka OpheliaGrimm. His marriage is recovering. It took him about 4 months after his WW started cheating to get things back, and she had filed for D and everything. Why don't you take a look for his story? You can search under his username for his old posts.

Just remember, plenty of people have been here in your shoes and recovered or have not recovered, but are happier with a new love. Don't end your life prematurely because of some temporary pain. I promise the pain is only temporary, so just keep fighting, and you'll make it through, I promise.

Ok and she tells me she paid for everything....Found out the loser shes going to has no job, some reason this makes me laugh and feel so much better. I wanna make that comment that she will be paying for everything again but I know its not a good idea lol.


She ended with her last message.


"I hope you and your family has a good christmas, bye"

Wow.

Thank you for that post, makes me feel good. I will defiently look that story up when I get off of work. I please ask you to stay with me through this in my thread. I have no idea how to contact OM's parents, hes from Dallas. Plus I dont know anyone else that knows him. Hes a loser, he clubs,smokes,drinks and has no job. What a joke. Hes just being nice to her and she likes that. Dude has the same Initials and same first name. Has 2 tattoos just like me in the same spots. Its about weird.


When im on mediciation I feel so much different. Im going to see someone soon for this right after christmas.

What kind of damage was done to the house? Was it done by YOU?

It's situations like these where you can't take no for an answer. Find out who he is, who his parents are, who would be in a position to pressure him to end it, etc. Know your enemy.

I'm going to be gone for a few days, and I don't post during the day anymore, but I'll try and check up on you occasionally. Try and have a merry Christmas.

Yes like I said wayyy back in this thread I had problems with anger at time. The typical WW anger when they are busted. I put a hole in the wall, and messed the door up.


I talked to her mom a min ago and told her Ill pay for it and if she wanted me to, she thanked me for offering but she said she would write it off.


My W seemed to calm down a little now, he last text was....

"Yea, and remember its not going to be easy on me knowing i was suposed to be with my husband on christmas cause he couldnt say no"

Thank you so much, and have a great christmas yourself.

Im going to get through this!

I would pay for it. And go to anger management courses.

Zach - You have been married such a short time that it seems almost impossible to turn this around. But miracles happen every day.

And I see a big part of the problem as being YOU. Time to step up like a man, own your contribution to the problems, and start being the husband your wife always wanted.

Yep I agree with you 100%, ive came so far and im going to continue doing so. In my heart I do believe she will come back after a long period of time. I really do believe she loves me that much, thats why she gets so angry at me cause she loves me. Right now she knows im wrapped around her finger and she can do whatever she wants and ill still be here.


Im my heart and mind I do believe we love each other enough and I do think over time she can forgive me. I love her and I will wait for her.