well a lot has happened the last week and now, im really confused. our talks have gone from 1 hr to 2 hrs and she has been a little more positive, but the will go very negative which depresses me. thats ok, im on anti depressants 3 time s a day anyway, and im willing to put up with hearing her pain, cause im the one who caused it. i took some advice and slowed down on sending cards and letters so much, then i get a call on sun., night and shes like wanting to make this work now! great, but then last night, she doesnt think i will put up with her if we get back together. we started to talk marriage counselors and i asked her if hers is religious based and she said her counselor is reality based, (means, divorce the rotton SOB and get on with you life), mine is religious based. she called my pastor, cousleor and senior business partner and i think she is trying to undermind my progress with them (its not working), so now she calls last night and says no this wont work and she wants to have a f--k fest and then maybe ill understand how she feels. i told her to pray about it and talk to her counselor and if the counselor and God directed her to have her so called f--k fest, then by all means do it. i have let her know that im going on with my life and will keep on the path that i have chosen. i know i have caused this ,but im also willing to go thru whatever to help rebuild.

Hi Toolbox -<P>Sorry I took so long....I knew this was here somewhere and just haven't gotten past page 1 the past couple of days!!<P>Now let's get to you......I have been following when you post to see how things are progressing. Forgive my memory lapses now but I have overloads sometimes!!! LOL!!!<P>I seem to remember wanting to ask you about what exactly you have gone through with regards to marriages, affairs, etc.<P>I read somewhere here about more OW's and previous marriages...is that correct or am I confused?<P>If it's correct....what do you think is/was going on within yourself that led you through all these women? I ask because it is usually not about your wife or "women" per say....it's usually some problem you need to resolve within yourself. Does this make sense to you?<P>Have you discussed this aspect with a counselor? Or are you mainly focusing on the marriage and your Wife?<P>I am sorry that your wife seems to be going from hopeful to anger with her emotions.....to be expected, and I am glad that you understand that to some extent.<P>Glad you slowed down with the cards and letters.....and also glad that the conversations are longer, even if they are inconsistant in tone. That will take time and effort.<P>Why are you still not going home? I forget...please excuse my ignorance if you have said it somewhere. I did not see it, if so.<P>About the counselors...Hmmm? Did she say that her counselor recommends divorce or are they just about dealing in the here and now? I certainly hope that her counselor is not advising her in that way without at least meeting with you....that would seem a bit malpractice(y)? After all they're supposed to be a Marriage Counselor, not a divorce counselor....<P>Why is she calling your pastor, counselor and business partner? And how could she be "Undermining your progress"? I don't know what you mean by that? Is she just bad mouthing you or something? Explain, please!!!!!<P>The reference to the "fest" is just anger and hurt pride.....That's all part of this and is her way of lashing out and attempting to see if that would hurt you.....<P>Now, don't get mad at me for this...but I don't think that your answer to her about it - reassured her about your love too well!!<P>You sound a little confused and having some feelings of hurt pride yourself when you say that you have to show her that you are going on with your life..<P>Then you say that you are willing to go through whatever to help rebuild the marriage......<P>You have to take a step back and look at the contradiction of those two statements.....Which is it that you REALLY want?<P>I can hear the pain and am sorry that you are feeling it....<P>I have to stick with the things I said to you on (I believe it was) your first post....she needs to see any changes you have made. Talking about them doesn't make them real!!! <P>Do you think that there is a way to get you closer to home? I really believe that this is your greatest obstacle.<P>Think on it, OK?<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<BR>

thanks sheba, ur awsome...lol a lot has happened since my last post. we make progress then step back. i was going to go out for her b-day its tomorrow,a nd she said not to cause she thought i was coming out to ruin things for her. i said ok, and made plane to go to communion at church. i sne ther out some gifts and cards, and she calls and rips me a new one for one of the cards i sent to her. we have had great talks for 2-3 hrs, and she agreed to do a phone with dr. harley next monday night. we were on a truth talk the other night and, then it was my turn to ask questions surrounding the affair and such and i asked her about 10 questions and she lied about every one. i said that i was being honest with her, and she needed o t be honest with me too as honestyis a two way street. and she kept lying. she siad not to turn this on her, and i said i wasnt, but i had to have some questions answered too. yes, im seeing a counselor and my pastor weekly and making great leaps and bounds with my problem and the people i have hurt, most importantly my wife. her counselor adocates divorce, ill have a letter of offer form her on monday, yet, we still talk. i manetioed this moning about the truth again and she hung up on me. yes, im willing to do anything, but truth is a 2 way street isnt it? i know what im going to have to go through and willing to do that, but she has to be honest with me too or it wont work will it? yes this is my 3rd marriage and she knows of my other affairs with her. i never respected or understood marraige or commitment, we stopped talking and everyhitng and i just decided to find emotional and sexual filfillmet somewhere else hoping the marrige would get better on its own.she calls the pastor and my counselor to see if im telling them the truth and they say they are happy with my progress. she will make things up and such and then they ask me about the statements she made and i explain...i want to go back there but with this new development im kind of scared to, does that make sense?<BR>thanks for the advice, i answered your post on 10-15. hope you were able to read it<BR>jerry- <BR>