<3


Ill let yall know how everything goes tonight. We've been talking online all day about us. Everything is going great. But im still going to be very cautious and not rush anything. I want to take this very slowly. Again thank yall so much ive prayed and cried for this day for 5 months now. Thank you all for helping me become the man I am now and will continue to be. A while from now I hope ill be a great success story. Still hoping for the best.

Zach!!!!

I'm so happy for you!

I hope everything goes really well. And it WILL! You'll do great!

I know you've learned a lot here, as I have, and that you'll be applying that knowledge. I find myself doing that a lot with everyone I come in contact with. LOL! It's great!

Take care, Zach!

You go, Dude!!

Charlotte

Thank you so much!

You have been a great inspiration to me also. Thank you for so much help and advice youve given me. Dont worry im not going to go anywhere. Ill still be here everyday posting. Like I said, we have a long long ways to go.

Zach,

I have some concerns.

I still see a lot of manipulative behavior and control issues on your part.

My concern is that if the two of you reconcile just yet, those behaviors and tendencies which haven't been completely eradicated will make the chances for LONG-TERM success in your M more unlikely.

That is the goal here - long-term success as opposed to just getting her back.

I realize that isn't going to stop you from going full steam ahead right now, but I do hope it will cause you to be hyper-aware if indeed reconciliation does take place.

Tonight...NO PRESSURING HER!!!

Don't try to get her to commit.
Don't try to get her to admit she loves you.
None of your subtle hints to get her to come back.
No talk at all of the future and what it holds.

Tonight, think of ONLY TONIGHT and enjoying the time in the here and now that you spend together.

I'm telling you, if you pressure her or try to manipulate her or change her choice, she's probably going to start detaching.

Back AWAY from your agenda! Put it away (leave it at home, in fact) and focus ONLY on your date together and enjoying that.

If you want to be physically affectionate with her, either wait for HER to initiate or respectfully ask her if she would feel comfortable with your holding her hand, kissing her on the cheek or whatever, and reassure her that if she doesn't feel comfortable with that, it's okay and actually let it BE okay for her to say she doesn't feel okay with that yet.

Respect her. Respect her boundaries and don't try to manipulate her into giving you what you want.

I MEAN IT!!!

Lecture over.

I hope you both have a nice time.

I've seen that movie, btw. It was pretty good - some sad parts, some funny parts.

P.S. Don't forget not to pressure her! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you frozen. Youve always got some things for me to change, thank you for the advice tonight Ill take it fully.

I had planned on not pressuring her at all, im not going to force anything or any conversation on her. If she brings up R chat imma try and get her to just enjoy the short time we have together.



This I thought was cute.

Her friend send me an IM earlier and told me my wife asked if she should give me a kiss tonight? I think thats cute and funny at the same time. Like I said Im not rushing or pushing for anything, I want to take this very nice and very slow, one step at a time.


Thank you all. I will give and update later tonight on how it goes. Im sure it will go very very well. Well shes calling so ill talk to u later.

Ok just got home. Wow what a night thats all I have to say.

I can say we are on the road to recovery. Fantastic night, everything went perfect, it was like we were first dating again. I surprised her with some flowers and a card when we got back home. She just now left.



Again... W.O.W

Easy there, trigger. Recovery is a two year process. There will be many peaks and valleys. This was a peak, but don't expect things to be so great. I just want you to be realistic about your expectations. This was just ONE good step in the right direction. Don't take two steps back if things don't progress like you want them to.

Zach, I'm glad that you and your wife had a good night. But I want you to go back and read Frozen's post again, because there's a lot of good information in it. Tonight went well, but there may be more difficult times in store, as Jim pointed out.

Stay on an even keel. Don't run the whole race in your mind; just focus on the next step.

PK

Yes Jim, it will be a long process. I was just overally excited last night. I had a great time, many more to come. As I said in my other posts, I understand this is going to be a long process, im ready to continue doing right. She said shes coming to church with me sunday which is a huge step to me. She was worried about talking to my parents last night due to she was saying she was suing for 30k 2 weeks ago. But I had a talk with them before she came, everything is a o k


We didnt do any R talk. She was very nervous and cautious. It was weird going out on a date with your husband she said. I laughed. During the movie she was cold, she asked if she could put her arm around mine <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Hope all is doing good.


I can say I am.


She called me this morning and told me to have a good day ect and she loved me. We've sent a few nice texts back and forth today. She called me at lunch and told me she loved me. She told me last night she finally woke up and saw that I was changing for myself and not to get her back.

Shes going to church with me sunday which will surprise my Pastor since hes been my cousnler and has been with me every step of the way, I havent told him the news yet so Imma surprise him, it will be funny catching him off gaurd.


Shes going out to eat with a few friends tonight to talk then she may stop by my house on the way home I believe. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Good day so far.

Ehh im in a grumpy mood tonight. Not sure why.


Not sure what to do about this or if I should wait a bit to bring it up. I know imma ask her but not sure when would be good. That OM is on her myspace still as one of her top friends, that bothers me. I cant believe she would leave him on. I wanna say something but I think I should wait it out and work on us having good times right now.

Hi Zach,

Don't worry about that right now. IMHO...I don't think it would be a good idea to bring it up.

Take care!

Charlotte

Thank u charlotte, I agree thats why I havent. Ill let it fade away and work on good times with us right now.


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Zach:

Glad you had a nice night and hopefully the beginning of a new start.

I saw that movie too and thought it was a pretty good date movie. Unfortunately, I also saw Golden Compass a few days later, what a sleeper!

My only advice, have realistic expectations, avoid the LBs, and continue to move forward on yourself.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks OMY! Glad to hear from u again.

Havent heard from the W today. Im sure ill hear from her sometime, im at work right now. Ill keep you all posted.

Be sure to read the MB stuff on this site about how to have a good marriage, especially the Policy of Joint Agreement - where neither of you does anything that the other isn't in enthusiastic agreement with. Also check out the emotional needs stuff.

Thanks Believer ill def. check that out Tomorrow. We both agreed to we wanna go to counseling together every week. We seem to be on the right track and we agree to what we need to do.


She came over for a while tonight, Titanic was on tv so we watched that and just layed around. Great lazy night. Shes coming over in the morning and we are gonna head off to church! Then we are going uptown to the mall cause some store she likes is having a big sale. And we're stopping at a few other places, we are also going to look at these nice apartments behind my work. We'll see how that goes!

We Went to church yesterday morning,funny my pastor had to look twice at first. He told me to call him, he was very intresting in hearing the story he said. Imma see if he can get to see both of us every tuesday for couseling.

After that I took her up to a nice resturant I like about 35mins away. After that we stopped by a married couples house that I work with down the road and hung out with them for a while and had a good time. I scared her to death with his snakes but she got enough courage to finally hold one (not long though!).

Then we met my mom and aunt at the mall and we ended up seeing a sell at Express,being the loving husband I am I bought her a bunch of clothes. She was really happy cause I have never done that before, we never went shopping together much less me buy her clothes. After that my mom,aunt,Wife, and I met down the road at these nice apartments my W really likes alot. We checked them out and there is a very good possibility we will be moving there sometime in Feb. She wants to get out of our Hometown pretty bad. As you know I drive 40-45 mins to work everyday and these apartments are less than 30 seconds away by car from my work.


She wanted to get away from everything where we live. We both have several friends that live in the apartments so shes excited about that. We've both matured so much within this 5 months of seperation. We both talk about things now and come to agreements without aruging. She told me she hoped my kindness and caring will stay this way forever. I told her imma do my best to be a good husband for her. I have a totally new outlook at us and our marriage now. We have a long ways to go and we both know that.

After that we finally got home and laid down to watch some tv and both fell asleep. It was wonderful, then she finally woke up and she went on her way home. Today I think after work shes going to meet me at work and we're going to go out to eat and then look at some furniture.



Just an update!

God Bless

Zach:

Glad things are going well! Don't forget to continue to work on yourself, and continue her faith that you have changed.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

yes of course, just like I said before im not going to stop working on Zach, with or without my wife.


But thank god its with her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />! Shes staying at my place tonight. Shes taking my car to work tomorrow and imma clean her filthy car out, probably gonna be a all day job lol. Shes told me a few times shes happy and proud of me and she hopes I continue doing what Ive done the past few days.