My WxH and I have been separated for over a year and half now, and the divorce has been final for over 8 months now. I have posted here in the past under a different name. My WxH had a affair with a co-worker, and was off and on the last year of our marriage, which ultimately led to our divorce.

We were together for close to 13 years and married for 8 years. And we share two daughters together ages 4 & 8.

I loved this man with all I had. We had been through alot together. He had alot of anger issues througout the marriage, and I was the subject of some physical abuse during those times. I was always quick to forgive, but held resentment towards him because of it. But I loved him, and could never picture my life without him in it. We shared alot of good times together.


He moved in with divorced OW, shortly after he left. And he continues to live with her. It is now 1 and a half years later and I still can't let go of him.

Why can't I just let go? I have been desperately trying to get on with my life. I have done ok for me and my girls. But I can't stop thinking of my xh. I am still sad, and I still miss him. I miss the life we had. Things have changed so much, and I can't get used to this change. Things will never be the same, and I have a hard time excepting that.

I am so confused about my life. I find myself fantasing about my xh wanting to come back someday. Is it crazy of me to still hold out hope?

HWS, your H shared a considerable part of your life with you - the feelings associated with that aren't going to disappear so quickly.

Do these feelings usually show up when you're alone?

Are you in plan B?

Dr Harley recommends 2 years if you wish to.

Plan B should help in letting go and holding out.

You have logic on your marriage’s side because of your 2 daughters.

DLK

ManinMotion, it is not just when I'm alone, it seems to be quite often throughout the days. I have dated a few times, and am actually seeing another man at this time, but I still can't let the thought of my WxH go. I know it isn't fair on the new man I have been seeing, and I know in my heart, I may not be ready for this. It is just another way that I am trying to move on, but still can't let go.

DLK, I tried plan A, in the beginning, and caved towards the end. I failed and did all things wrong. Begged, pleaded, you name it, I did it. I was crushed, and couldn't hold it in. There is hardly any contact between the two of us now, unless it has to do with the girls. So, I may be in plan B.

Plan A is apparently very hard on the wife. It is often intolerable. Anger of the betrayal is overwhelming.

Plan B is not just little contact; it is also a letter of conditions of return and is usually started after a short plan A for a wife. Have you read Surviving An Affaire, it describes it?

Are you still living in house of your marriage? If you are, you may need to distance yourself from that environment.

What arrangements do you have regarding your daughters? It is apparently hard to keep up the no contact in that case.

What spin on the affaire has your daughters come to accept? Do they have contact with the other women?