Today, I found out my STBX-MIL was here this past weekend. I hadn't heard from her since my birthday when she promised me she'd bring me the clothes she bought for me when she was up next. We have had a rather shaky relationship since the separation - STBX "primed" her a couple of months before he gave me the ILYBNILWY speech and had her convinced that our M was on the rocks. Even though she was eventually informed of the A, he has her convinced that he didn't begin seeing OW until after the separation (though they moved in together within weeks). In the beginning, MIL blamed me for the A (because if I'd been paying attention I would have known there was a problem - yada, yada, yada). Then my mom took ill and required the same surgery FIL died from. Suddenly, MIL was calling all the time and checking on us (me and mom who stayed at my house). We maintained occassional phone calls until that last one about the birthday gifts which was back in August. So back to today's bit of info (today being Nov 5), she was at STBX and OW's apartment this weekend and she gave OW the clothes she had bought for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />!! Not only that, nobody informed my DS that she was going to be in town. It turns out, he hasn't heard from her either (so much for that promise that she wouldn't cut him out of her life).

Honestly, I thought I had moved along with my life quite well. It didn't bother me when STBX and OW bought a house and it hasn't bothered me that he named her as his common law wife on his life insurance. It did bother me that he cut off DS as a beneficiary (because he told DS he wouldn't), but from an emotional standpoint, I've been ok with everything for the last few months. But this just threw me for a loop. I had no idea there would be so many emotions involving the in-laws and my lost relationships with them. I was never particularly close to any of them but they were still my family.

I was divorced before but I never had these issues. I am still in contact with my former in-laws (including 2 different ?MILs - FIL remarried so there is the MIL from when I was married and his current wife, both of whom treat my son like a grandson). Current STBX-MIL always treated my son like a grandson and promised both me and him that she would continue to.

And sorry about the pettiness of this, but why the h*!! would she give OW my clothes????!!!!!!

She should have given the clothes to you or returned them. What she did IMHO is wrong and if I was the OW I sure as heck wouldn't want something that was orginally purchased for you, because she was too lazy to return them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

As for your DS being cut off the insurance, I would guess the OW told your XH to do that, so he did. We all do things for the people we love, care about, when we love, care for them. When they have moved on, promises are broken and they don't look back. I'm sorry your DS is being treated that way, especially since he did have a R with your XH for many years.

I just found out that my best friend of 12 years and Brother in Law who promised not to get involved in our divorce, supplied my wife with an attorney who owed him a favor, he's an attorney himself and knew the full story.

So much for friendship and being neutral.

This was the man that saved my life when I got shot, now he stabs me in the back.

I've come to think of certain people as "cut off" people. They can discard people like the trash, even people they claimed to have loved "like a daughter", or in your case, like a grandson.

To me, those people don't value relationships. Now, do you wonder where your X got that idea?

You would think the OW wouldn't want anything of mine, but some of the material items in the house STBX and I fought over the hardest were wedding gifts (some crystal and stuff) which are apparently displayed proudly all over their appartment. In addition to this, she gave him a necklace that she had previously given to OWH (stole it when she was moving out her stuff) which he wears all the time even knowing who it really belongs to. I wouldn't be surprised if he has edited all of our digital photos (which he also insisted on getting copies of) to include her face instead of mine. I don't know if this is normal behavior for an affair or not - it is as if they have each attempted to substitute their STBX-spouses so that their lives and memories can be exactly the same but with each other instead of who they married. There are issues surrounding the ongoing custody battle between OW and OWH that suggest this as well. I understand the concept of "fog", but this just seems outrageous.

Agreed. I think it’s a bit bizarre. My dad’s wife for a while ended up dressing like my mother, plus they had the same kitchen dishes. It was weird. What killed me was when I went to my grandmother’s house and saw a family photo, my dad, his wife, her kids, my grandmother, aunt and uncle and cousins. My sibs and I weren’t in it.

Regardless, wearing your predecessor’s clothing and jewelry is really weird. Sick. As if it were a war trophy, taken from a dead solider. Tabby, you are going to be so much better off when this is over.

I asked my STBXH why his family hadn't returned any of my notes, emails etc. He said he didn't know...and that "I never come up" when he talks to them. I was part of their family for 15 years (or so I thought). My STBXH visits my parents and talks to my sister. They love him and are sad we are not together. I don't mind because I think my family gets some kind of comfort from my STBXH(hes an MD) and I don't want to take that away from them. It does irk me though that he has poisoned his family against me...

Since we the BS are not in the shoes of the WH we can only make assumptions as to why they do or act the way they do. As Dr. Phil says - Don't try to make sense out of nonsense..

But here's one for ya - I was told my OW BS that her A w/my husband was initally not about "him"..it was about me. She is a very jeolous, gold digger type woman and that she dispised me. Her BS said, she would do anything for money, because she doesn't have money but she want it.
******, she didnt' even know me. But, she saw my nice clothes, car, home, vacations, etc. and decided SHE WANTED MY LIFE..She did everything she could to destroy me and for a long time I was destroyed, weak, etc. She became bf w/my WH kids, etc. I was the evil, [email]b@@ch[/email] wife of my poor husband..I was the ENEMY...

Longer story shortened - she left her BS, kids, etc. got an apt. my WH continued his A w/her - for maybe 4 months though all during their A - he was cheating on her too, she just didnt' know it..There A is now from what I know, OVER...she probably caught him cheating on her too.

So, she got exactly what she wanted, what she prayed for.....

MY WH and some of his money and toys (for awhile) A man who cannot be faithful to anyone !!! She was just another toy that he discarded when HE was done playing...

Call me gumby - she destroyed me for awhile, but I bounced right back, better and stronger than ever... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Moral of the story - watch what you wish for... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugs and Healing Vibes - it takes time to heal from all this...

Your story raises some interesting points Ithurts. Now that I think back, in the beginning when STBX gave me the ILYBNILWY speech, he also described a "solution" where he would keep the house so DS would have a place to come home to and I could move closer to my work (I commute an hour). He made it sound like the ideal situation for all of us. He hadn't admitted to OW at the time. I later found out from OWH that she had told him she was moving to my town!!!! In fact, none of the mud slinging crap started until I informed STBX that I was NOT leaving the house. OW has called me numerous viscious names to OWH since then - and we have never met either.

Interestingly they just bought a house together (OW & STBX). I looked it up on the MLS site and it is very similar to mine - only minor little differences.

I guess the only question is which one of them will destroy the other first? I can definitely say I will NOT be around to pick up any pieces. I'm worth more than that lyin' cheatin' piece of crap.