OMG....my Ex EX the one who cheated on me the whole realationship...the one I almost married.....called me and left me a voicemail....wanted to talk to me because he hadn't talked to me in awhile......you know what I did right.....hmmm number 7 DELETE......don't pass go don't collect $200.....He really must be crazy if he thinks I would call him back.

OMG I am soooo tired...somebody smack me.....So DS and I took a road trip got back at 3 am and I had to be at work at 8 am...I got 3 hours of sleep.....But we had fun and did some bonding.....We got to visit with family we haven't seen in awhile and XBF's brother and SIL and I had ALOT of fun and DS and there son had a blast. They want us to come visit again but number 1 STAY longer and 2 Fly in....I will definatly head that advice and not drive next time.....I can't wait to go to bed.

Ok here is where I am at if anyone still cares......Still love him.....thats not going away no matter what I try.

But have been able to move on to hang out with some folks.

Still no word from him as he promised.....he will be going home to Idaho for x-mas.....his brother is already there...my good friend....he wants to sit him down and have a talk with him. Hopefully I will hear something after christmas. again this isn't normal I have never had this much trouble getting over someone. on a side note...one of his friends who I hadn't seen in awhile...I ran in to the other night....I didn't recognize him at first he actually called to me and we started talking. He did not know BF and I had broken up and was rather upset at the way BF broke it off. He said he wanted to talk to him and I said no...I don't want to be blamed for something else. He said your a sweetheart and you were good for him I don't understand why he did that. I just told him I don't either. We talked somemore about cars and christmas plans and such then I had to get back to my friends so he gave me his number and asked me to keep in touch. He has always been a nice guy and it was good to see him. I would have thought all his friends would know.....whats goin on?

Sounds like his friend is interested...

Just heard from my best friend....she email XBF about me....he said he will call to meet me at the end of this week.....he faild his last test and is being sent to Iraq. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Ok so.....if I am truly to communicate with XBF before he leaves this is my only chance to do so before he leaves.....There are things I never got to say. Things that I need him to sit there and for 5 minutes...do what I did for him.....just be quiet and listen. I feel the need to tell him these things...just incase for some reason he doesn't return from Iraq. I have realized I am a person who needs closure to move on.....Just giving up and letting it lie does me no good. It eats away at me. My Best friend does not understand. Once I say what I have to say and get my questions answered. It will help me immensly. She thinks it's a "waste of time".....dunno mabey the talk for him will be....but for me it will leave me with NO REGRETS. once I say my piece and i know he knows.....I won't have anything to regret. I don't want to live my life with regrets. Anyone know how I should start the conversation?

Wish I could help you. Like your best friend, it is hard to understand why you want to talk to him. He ended it a month ago. He cheated on one wife already. Sometimes we do not get the closure we want.

I am assuming you have been friends w/his brother for a long time. Because if you met him at same time you met ex and then went to visit ex's brother...well I am probably not reading correctly.

If you don't want regrets, try not to have a conversation that you will regret.

You WILL get over this. It just takes time. No contact is the easiest way.

No contact is not helping it's making it worse. I need questions answered and I need to say my piece.

ummm his brother is married.....I adore he and his family...they are like family to us....I could in NO way think of him like that.

Sorry SIHW,

I didn't mean to insinuate anything like that. I probably read it wrong. I was just thinking how if I had broken up w/my BF, a guy I hadn't dated long, who shortly thereafter drove a long way to take his kids to visit MY sister, whom he had met through me, I would think it weird.

I just hope you are not using other channels to try and get at him. His friends can ask him why he broke up w/you but his friends and family "ganging up on him" is not going to make him remember you any more fondly.

If it's not there, it isn't there. They can't make him love you any more than you can. However, if you are not careful, you (and they) can make him wish he'd never had anything to do with you.

NC WILL WORK. It's only been a month and you are talking to his friends and family. That may be NC with him, but it is still a close connection.

With all due respect - how will this help you get over him? What happens if the answers you get are brutally honest and hurtful to you? How will that make it all better? And, sometimes saying nothing is MUCH better than saying anything.......hard as it is, I say move on, forget him and concentrate on your life.....

won't work been there tried that already.....I have already discussed this with people on this board as well as an IC....Some people need to confront whats bothering them to get over it.....this has always been the case with me.....if I push it aside to "just move on" it won't work....once I confront it I can move on.....that has always helped me. Thats the difference between people who care and people who never did care. People refuse to believe now a days that some things are possible. Look I want to grab the bull by the horns and face it and get it out so it's not stuck within me anymore. I am a great multi tasker...no matter whatI do it's in the back of my mind. I have tried like ****** to move on and hang with other people....but it's not them I am with....it's him. I need to face him...tell him whats bothering me...so I can release it. I have made a list of the questions/issues to be covered. and as far as the brother thing....when we hang out or talk.....the subject of XBF is usually not brought up. That is kept seperate from our friendship.

Besides....if the person you loved/cared for was going to a war zone....and there is a possibility they won't come back......would you tell them how you feel and clear up anything that was standing idle......or "let it go" and if they don't return always regret that you never said a thing when you had the chance.....I don't want any regrets hanging over my head. That way I know I did everything I could on my end.

As long as you're not making it a 'so there' conversation. Will you? Is it about making him listen to your side and acknowledging he wronged you or whatever? Cos if that's your intent, you can't make him listen, you can't make him care, and you can't make him even want to acknowledge your side. So you're going to walk away even more frustrated, angry, and confused.

If you're honestly doing it to respectfully let him get on with his life, to give him your blessing, go ahead. But if you're doing it to get some sort of satisfaction, it most likely won't work. Just like all the people who plan elaborate revenges on people and then, once they've done it, they feel empty and wonder why it didn't make them feel as good as they've been imagining it would.

JMO

I know I havn't updated in awhile...so here is the latest.

So you all know of me XBF who wouldn't give me my property back and was being a regular [censored]. My Best friend got sick and tired of me being nice and patient and set him a myspace message politely asking for him to give me my stuff and he replied that he would before leaving to go home for christmas break. Well he never did....his brother who is my good friend tried to approach him about it when he saw him at christmas and was rudely cut off by a blunt "I don't have her stuff". His brother then told me...I tried he's dug his own hole do what you have to do.

At this point I was sick of being nice he had many chances to do the responsible thing and failed. I know because of his guilt that why he couldn't face me. But I didn't care if he sent it to me or gave it to his bro and the next time I see him he can give it to me. The most important thing of value is an earring of mine he has which I asked him for way back when we were still together. It may not be real onxy but it's the sentimental value of the thing. My grandmother gave me those earrings before she died and I will be damned if I loose them because he wants to be an [censored]. So i sent him this message as my last effort before I went ahead and got the ball rolling:

ok....look. I understand you hate me.....but this is about being responsible. I have asked nicely....I have been nice. My patience is running out. The thing I want the most is my earring back. My grandmother gave me those earrings before she died. I hope you can understand the sentimental value deposited in them. If for some reason you had entrusted me with something one of your grandparents gave you with the PROMISE to return it I would no doubt do the right thing. You claim to be a good christian...well just going to church isn't the only requirement for that. Honestly...you have treated me like I was the one who did something wrong....stop blaming me for your guilt....5 MINUTES thats all it takes to drop it in the mail, or give it to your brother and he can give it to me the next time I see them. You have time to go to ball games and poker tournaments. I sure there is a mailbox along the way.

I FORGIVE you for all that happened....I won't live with it anymore....Yes it caused me EXTREME Pain and my trust in men is now further damaged. You never understood because you never cared to stop and listen. Part of that is my fault be cause I was too scarred to say anything. I shut my mouth and sat and listened to you and NEVER told you how I was feeling. I am sorry for that. I tried to deny it and it made it worse. But I don't want to live with these regrets anymore. You won't give me anytime to get the healing I need. So I will say it here. I was disappointed you felt you could not face me. I never did anything to try to hurt you and I don't understand why you couldn't tell me to my face. We used to be able to have conversations and all of a sudden it was like we were walking a long a path and suddenly I hit a brick wall and went whoa how what when did this appear and you were on the other side. I tried to communicate but you couldn't hear me through the thickness of the wall so you left and didn't try.

Well here is what I have to say:

I loved you....yes no matter how small. Part of me will always have a little love for you. I don't base it on time I base it on what people share together. I trusted you with some of the most important things to me my heart and my son. I really don't care if you belive it or not.....but I will not live knowing I didn't let you know before you go off to a war zone you may not come back from. You were good....I don't know what happened to the man I met who cared about me and was excited to see what the future held for us. I miss him and I will always hold what he gave me in my heart. While your out there....Rememeber even if you don't feel the same someone at home in that states loves you even if it's a little bit. and please if you get in a situation fight like ****** Never give up for those here who love you....come home safe please. My prayers and love are with you wherever you go.

T

No response so I called a friend who is on staff who is an officer and he got me in touch with his company commander.
and last night I get this txt.

XBF:I need your address. S has the bowl and will look for this earring I told you i was out of town and now your harrassing my chain of command great welcome back for me there. Dont that again the captain is more pissed at you and wont be nice he says he as no part of it send me your address.

Me: Send it to ur bro I trust him more than u right now.(thought about it and was like that was ******)

XBF: good call cause Im all dangerous or something whatever however you want to be on it works for me.

me:U r the one who friggin couldn't b responsible enough 2 return what was mine like u promised. I understand u being a coward and not answering my questions. But u brought this on ur self.

Then i gave him my best friends adress as I don't trust him with mine.

XBF:Roger I will question me about being a coward all you want you have half the info (really. maybe if you answered my questions I would know) and no clue what being brave is to me (can't confront a girl to brake up.....thats brave) I have other priorities than winning a war of words. have a good life ill get your stuff in the mail soon

Me:I will believe it when i see results. Please make sure my grandmas earring is undamaged. U have no idea the value it holds 4 me. u never let me express a lot of things. But i did love u a bit and I still 4 give u. But I won't live with it in my heart. b safe out there please. u r in my prayers.

and i left it with that. so 2x4's please.

Oh and just found out he possibly lied about going to Iraq. Go Figure. Still not funny. It's like playing with someones life....don't joke about going to a war zone where people die.