My wife is from the Ukraine. We have been married six years with two beautiful children. We were quite happy before. We went everywhere together. Then when my wife became a citizen, she insisted on inviting her mother to live with us permanently. She is widowed and can't speak English. This has become a very challenging living arrangement for the past six months which has led to threats of divorce from my wife including demanding that I leave the house (my clothes on the lawn) since I have frequently complained that my time with her anymore is minor. My wife spends most of her free time with her Mom. They prefer to be by themselves without kids shopping or whatever. They prefer not to tell me where they go or when they will come back. Her reason is that I want to control her, not true. The kids stay with me. Over the months of this my kids now prefer me to them which they hate me for. Its my problem they say. My wife an I have had perhaps two hours alone away from the house without the children, Though my wife and her mother spend days together without anyone else. Her mother needs her more my wife says. I do not understand Russian well at all. Help! Anyone have some creative ideas for me? My wife no longer goes to church with the kiods and I since her Mon is not interested. She is not interested in counseling. My idea to find Mom a male friend has not worked out yet, internet dating style only so far. Ideas?

hi, you may want to move this over to general questions 2 it gets far more traffic.

I can empathize with your situation. My MIL and all her boys lived with me and my husband. One I raised for 5 years and others kept moving in and out of our house for years. It is NOT easy and unless you deal with limits together it can't work.
Sorry no suggestions other than read Dr. Harley's articles. Don't be a doormat for those two either. Respecting yourself and your spouse is a fine line in these situations as I found out.

I agree that you will have to set boundaries. Sit down with your wife - alone - and work out a plan you can both agree with. If she refuses, let her know that you will not support the current situation. She's welcome to go out and get a job and place and put her mother up on her own, or else she can renegotiate what the two of you have so that your marriage is the key ingredient in the house. You will have to be firm.

You may want to study up on the Russian culture. I'm sorry that this has happened to you, you're wife will never be able to think like an American. Her behavior is probably acceptable in her country, but if she wants this marriage you'll have to set up boundaries as stated above.

Let us know how it works out!

I must agree with fresa, dc. In Ukraine the extended familyis much closer to each other than in the US (culture, lack of housing, respect for elders, etc.).

As far as what to do, you need to ask her where her affinity lies. In a marriage you must identify more with your spouse than with your parents. She must chose you over her mother. If she does not, see a divorce lawyer. Sorry.