I know this now....too late.

I feel like I am being bashed and I am just looking for some help. We are going to go to counseling, he is willing and wants to make our marriage work. He has made that very clear. I am going by myself to counseling first and then we will probably go together. He knows he screwed up.

Let's not lose sight here, folks. SadWife tells us SIL did a lapdance on her H. He didn't want SIL's advances and told her so. I'd venture to say if that was the defining moment that resulted in his behavior, then we could argue that he was "molested". I have sons, and it works both ways in my book. Touching someone that doesn't want to be touched is a no-no regardless of gender.

However, SadWife, I really believe there has been **at the very least** inappropriate flirting between your H and SIL before. Please call Dr Harley so you don't get the everlasting truth trickle that leads to the primrose path of insanity in the long run. He should be able to give you the insight to get to the bottom of this. I wish i had used him instead of my IC.


I have some errands to run.

Peace out,

Jewel

I dunno Melody. Were you there? What's wrong with trying to help her figure out what exactly DID happen and getting the information straight from the sources (WH, SIL, BIL)?

You're making assumptions and harsh judgments based on what you've read. I've read the same thing and I'm not seeing what you see.

She needs to get to the TRUTH (either way) and go from there.

No, I am not making any assumptions at all, I am just going by what ACTIONS she has described, minus all the misleading narrative designed to blame the SIL. A man walking into a room and grabbing the crotch of his half asleep SIL has committed an act of MOLESTATION. That is the action that took place. All of the noise about her "guilt" or what a flirty slut and how she confessed does not change that basic fact.

Melody, you have my deepest respect. But that this involves her family and given SIL's and H's behavior, why should SadWife assume anything that's been told to her is the total truth. I don't think she should keep denying what happened. I think she needs to connect with an excellent counselor who can coach her on the ?'s she should be asking at this point. And I also believe she and her brother should insist on a polygraph for both spouses (not just H). SIL has issues of her own.

Jewel

Sweetie we are not trying to beat you up, we are trying to wake you up. If he wants to make your marriage work he has to be truthful and do everything you ask him to do to earn your trust back. This includes a lie detector test. A nother poster had a great suggestion of asking each one of them their story without telling them what the other said. Do not warn them ahead of time. Ask for lots of details and write them all down. Ask them if SIL was awake when H came in. Ask H if he went in before or after he made the coffee. Was she under the covers? Did he sit down on the bed or was he standing? Did H come into the room the night before? If you flood them with these questions you will get closer to the truth.

And this is exactly what we have told her. Which is why I am trying to get her to call Dr. Harley. He can probably get to the bottom of this quickly.

sadwife, I hope you are on the phone waiting to speak to Dr Harley.

No, I am not on the phone. I am going to see a counselor on Friday...I am working (or supposed to be) I am not able to get on the phone and talk about this which is why I found this forum. I am sorry that you all feel like I am in denial, I am not denying the fact that this happened. I am confused and not sure what to think. I am going to talk to someone about this, how is that denial? Wouldn't you consider that a step in the right direction, moving forward. I am not pretending like nothing happened. I appreciate all the comments, but I don't feel like this is helping me any. If anything, I feel worse than before.

If this IS what happened then you're right. However, do you KNOW for SURE this is exactly how it happened? That's what I'm trying to get her to find out so she'll be armed with the TRUTH of what she's dealing with... not assumptions.

I personally have been both molested and raped. I would be the last person to defend a molestor or a rapist.

I've also seen how false assumptions and allegations can DESTROY a family.

PM, this is not an "assumption; it is WHAT SHE TOLD US and what was corroborated by the 2 participants. And until evidence to the contrary is produced, it stands, IMO. I have no reason to believe otherwise. If YOU believe otherwise, then the assumption would be on your part, not mine.

sadwife, can you step out for lunch and call Dr Harley on your cell phone? He is on-air until 1:00 CST. you can also send him an email at jharley@marriagebuilders.com and then listen to him reading it on air tonight when you get home.

Agree 100%.

Going by what both people said, it was a sexual assault.

H admitted it was ALL his fault.

It's really quite clear cut.

~ Marsh

MelodyLane,
I have never listened to the show. Is there somewhere I can look up what station it is on here?

Princess Meggy, this is exactly what she told us, so I am assuming nothing. What she describes here is an uninvited act of molestation. Nothing that has been said here negates that fact.

Yes, just click on the link at the top of the page and then click on the LIVE broadcast link if between 10 and 1 CST. You can call in and ask Dr. Harley questions and they will send you a free book!

Here's how I see it, and I say this as someone who very much in the past thrived on inappropriate male attention...(Not Good, clearly as I ended up a WW)...I fully believe that your SIL wanted your husband to lust after her at the Halloween party-but that is ALL that she wanted-She wanted the feelings of knowing that he wanted her, but she wasn't willing to give herself to him...I think your husband misread her signals-which I believe most men would-HOWEVER, your husband is a MARRIED MAN and should NEVER have even been trying to read her signals anyway...I think he did molest her...I think she does think somehow she "deserved" it because of her behavior the previous night-which is the reason for her guilt and apology...Her behavior was clearly inappropriate at the party, but it doesn't mean that she "deserved" to be molested...This is what happens when married people drink alcohol and have no proper boundaries...

And I do think that both your husband and your SIL are on their way to "Waywardville" if they both don't change some things FAST...

I also think that a call to Dr. Harley would prove beneficial to you...(((sadwife)))

Mrs. W

I didn't read this as SIL was actually sleeping... I read it as describing the room where SIL slept. But I've been known to march to the beat of a different drummer at times.

I dunno, guess we'll have to see what comes out.

PM....you are correct, I was trying to describe where she was sleeping. He walked in there only cause the door was open and the shade was pulled up so he assumed she was awake....which she was, so he told her that he made coffee and he also asked her if she wanted the shade pulled so she could sleep longer. From what they've said he was standing the whole time and never sat down on the bed. Not that that makes any difference.