Background: Affair was 2/06-10/06. At the beginning, I was 7 mos. pregnant; at the end we had a five month old. I found out end of Sept 06. I moved out. We live a mile apart and have been struggling in and out of R for the past year. He went NC last Oct, and stayed that way for one year, definitely. He wanted to R and did everything right for a long time. I couldn't commit to it in my heart, so when we were together, I was horrible and bitter and resentful. I really punished him.

I ended up walking away in the end of Sept this year. Told him we were done... for good. Not even one week later, he contact OW again.... after one full year NC. He never saw her, but it was a total of 14 phone calls and 13 texts. She now knows to be sneaky, so she text'd him from her computer.

I finally came to the point of truly wanting to R in my heart, and he still does. But with this new bout of contact, I am even more afraid that I will NEVER trust him again.... and I am even more afraid that he so desperately needs validation that I will be in danger of affairs for the rest of my life if I R with him.

thanks for listening.

This guy sounds like he is needy and just has to have someone validate his self worth. If you are doing it like he wants then he will faithful but if his whims change or you have a bad day, week, month then he will look for somebody else to validate him.

do you have children?

"He wanted to R and did everything right for a long time. I couldn't commit to it in my heart, so when we were together, I was horrible and bitter and resentful. I really punished him."

Have you been reading about the MB plans for marriage?

we are now doing questionnaire's and reading articles off of this website; and we've seen our pastor, and will continue to get counseling from him. He will most likely recommend a MC for us.

I have three kids total, one with him. Our son is 17 mos. old now.

We have both been in IC, but aren't currently.


"Needs to have someone validate his self worth" .... absolutely. This is what scares me about reconciling with him. Unless it is addressed (and he is in denial) I fear it will be an ongoing problem.