So we were in MC last night. The first thing FWW brought up is that she still thinks about "him" sometimes and doesn't know how to deal with it. This really hurts me. She said she can't talk to me about it with me because I'll just get angry or upset. Well no s***. I'm sorry you, a married woman, miss your f***ing boyfriend.How horrible it must feel for you.

MC tried to get at what she was feeling at these times that made her want to "escape" from reality with OM. FWW didn't understand it, I think she drank away some of her IQ during the A. When do I get her all to myself??!?!?!?!? When do I have to stop sharing her with him??!?!?!??!!??!

After 6 months, she'll probably forget all about OM.

I don't feel like I should have to wait around for her to "get over" him.

Cubed,

Not sure if those were rhetorical questions or not, but NC was late August, so just over 2 months ago. Very short time.

Things that come out in MC are KILLER!! Our MC asked her what the biggest thing she will miss about the A? She said the SEX!!

YYYOOOOOUUUUCH!!

So what is said in MC so soon after dday and NC really must be taken with a grain of salt. You both still have this emotion roller coaster going at full tilt.

AND even though it cuts you to the quick, she is being honest. This is all part of communicating and talking it through. Plus she probably still has some withdrawal tugging at her.

The BS always seems to get the short end of the stick when bringing the wayward back into the fold. First plan A'ing and then having to sit in MC and listen. But it is all (hopefully) part of the re-building process.

You must have patience, control of your emotions, make a loving and safe haven for her, and have that damn constant smile on your face.

THEN, you, at some time, will have her all to yourself.

AGAIN!

kirk

i say you get to stop sharing when you decide to. Make her feel comfortable with talking to YOU about it. Yes ....it's gonna piss you off to hear what she's got to say, but at least she's telling YOU right? Keep the reaction in check... when YOU need to explode... come here. We'll listen to your rantings.

It sucks that she's the once that had the A but we (My W might have too) are the ones that need to be strong for them...

If you allow yourself to be strong and listen to all the crap about OM, it may teach you some things you can do instead of her looking to OM for...

Grin and bear it, so she will feel safe talking to YOU...then come here and tells us what a fruitcake she is and how could she have done this to you...

Baby steps... as the movie title says.

I feel your pain.

my 2 cents,
TOMK

Cubed-

Totally agree with what the others are saying here.

Its REALITY. She's GOING to think about him sometimes. There isn't a darn thing you can do to change it.

What you can do is recognize that its normal, its a step in the process, and that if you and the MC do things correctly, that WILL change.

I grant, its not fair. And it really does suck. But there's nothing you can do to change it right now.

Most of us dealt with that same thing...I know that I did. That six months that someone mentioned earlier is about right for our timeframe too. It hurt like heck to hear my wife talk about missing him, or about thinking about him. But I DID try to understand what she was going through, and not let it hurt me. I tried to be a 'safe harbor' for her to shelter in.

My wife's EA started when she was able to talk to him about things that she felt she couldn't talk to me about. So it makes sense that in order to recover our marriage, she needed to learn she COULD come to me with this kind of stuff and talk to me about it, right?

Again, I feel your pain, but this is part of marital recovery.

Call me insensitive, but I think a remorseful WS should keep their "feelings" to themselves.

You miss OP? Too bad. Squash those emotions for the sake of your spouse. I can't imagine anything more cruel than to put your BS through the nightmare of infidelity, only to pine for your [censored] OP for weeks or months. Get over it, grow up, and behave like a decent human being for a change. Did I mention GROW THE ****** UP?

I hope my wife thinks about OMM every day.

As she sees her car delapidate from not being able to afford a new one.

As she sees the notice of foreclosure on our house as he didn't leave his wife when she threw me out.

As SS rebels aginst her and is brought home by the sheriff repeatedly.

Every time another result of her adultery rears it's ugly head, I want her to think about just how great it is without me there.