You said ina previous post:

"Your heart and mind must be in sync b4 you implement plan B."

I am now looking to plan B because my H is still in his 'lalalala' happy land and keeps saying he thinks with can't be happy together and that he is happy with his life right now. Blah blah blah....

What did you mean by that statement?

Heart & mind in sync b4 executing plan B is important because if your heart pulls you into a giver direction (generally emotionally driven) and your mind (the logical one) tells you to protect your family and your assets (aka: g/t plan B), then you will NOT be able to go to plan B properly.

Plan B requires both your heart and your mind to be in sync so that when the WS tries to break your plan b, you won't let him. The emotional side won't tug and play games on your mind which could lead to a false recovery.

Does that clarify it or would you like a further explanation. Don't feel bad if you need further clarification. This isn't an easy thing to do but once you can do it, it is very helpful to the BS and family. It will empower you and keep the WS at bay. This in turn will make a way for your spouse to come back if they want to.

take care,
L.

No I understand what to do. The problem is i don't know if I'm strong enough to do it.....
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Z

...are you strong enough to let things continue on the way they are?

That would seem to be your alternative, at least.

God gives us all the strength we need to get things done. We just often don't realize it.

Most of us are not strong enough....that's why we have to practice. Reverse babble helps. There will be an event or 2 that will help you reach that turning point. You must also be patient until your mind and heart are in sync.

In the meantime, read up (i.e. SAA, HNHN, LMBT), finish your plan A, secure your finances, protect your family, establish your personnel support group, identify your boundaries, pray for a clear mind and calm heart.

These steps will keep you more busy so you can focus on your mission. To break free from the WS and shine that light so your spouse can find his/her way back. It is up to them, but once you remove your baggage (personal issues, etc.), you can become that attractive spouse, that was always there for the family.

Btw, t/d a good reverse babble, you have to practice. I did it with the bathroom mirror. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If you have some babble lines from your WS, we can give you some RB rebuttal examples. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I gotta go back to work.

L.

Reverse babble. heh I'm not even sure it its babble. He sounds perfectly rational! Some of the things he said to me today were:

1. I'll go to marriage couseling with you for 2 months and I don't think it will change my mind. And it it sucks, I'll quit.

2. I don't want us anymore.

3. I'm happy the way things are now.

4. We were never a good couple.

5. We were friends who played video games together and got married.

6. I'm not willing to waste one more minute for this marriage.

Orchid: Yep, it is WS babble alright. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


RB: Seems like you've already made up your mind. When did you become so unreasonable?


RB: I sure don't want you as a WS either.


RB: You are? Show me. Smile, crack some jokes....make us happy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


RB: Then why did you ask me to marry you? You lied to me? Why? (put on your best disgruntled face - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> )


RB: ..... so you're saying you marry your video game partners? Does that mean you are bi-x-u-l? (look <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> shocked without laughing)..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


RB: U R right. This marriage does not waste minutes. Shame on you. (you might have to practice this one.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> )


Orchid: Ok, the point here is to agree where possible then throw a curve ball of babble. Giving the babble back (aka: reverse babble), gives the WS back their guilt. Notice how his statements were meant to make you feel bad.

Yet you are NOT the one who is ruining the M. He is. Ok, don't let him leave you holding the guilt bag. Learn to throw it back.

Btw, you can watch for his retort or he may not have one but his face may get a bit twisted. Don't laugh.... well you can but not too much. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Don't engage in too much RB. Just enough to throw them off course and then either get him to leave or you leave. Even if it means walking out of the room or ending the call. Don't be tempted to keep a conversation going too long. RB is a short term technique.

Got it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.