I am in the process of divorcing my husband. It should be final within the next 3 to 4 weeks. I have this problem. Some ministers, friends, etc. are already telling me if I divorce I can not get remarried, etc. I have always been the type of person to do what make other people happy never thinking about my happiness. I stayed in the marriage for this long because of people telling me how to do about the marriage. My husband is abusive and he is unfaithful. I would like to one day meet that special man and perhaps get married and have children. For years I have let other people tell me how to live my life. There would be things I want to do, places I would like to go, and guys that I would have liked to date but I was always living to please others. If they say no don't date that guy or don't do this or that, then I would not do it so that they would be happy. However, since being in this 4 year sorry excuse for a marriage; I have a new outlook on life. I would like to start doing things to make me happy. It is causing some extra confusion due to the difference of religious opinion. I have told everyone that I would like to eventually date again and get remarried. These four years have seemed like I was behind bars in prison. My husband go where he want, do what he want and would put restrictions on me! I do not want to feel like I am in jail anymore because of what the ministers and some others tell me about remarriage. I feel that it is time for me to make myself happy as long as Jesus is pleased with it. Everyone have gotten use to me living according to how they instruct me to live and now no one is able to adjust to me living according to what I choose. I should not have to slip around to date, considering I am a grown woman. (I am not dating now but before I got married I would slip around to date!) This don't make since. Anyway, do you all feel that I am making the right decision to do what makes me happy? I am looking forward to starting my life over again without the bad marriage. I am sad that things are not working out between me and my husband because I really loved him alot but I can't make him love me! He have already interrupted 4 years of my life! Please give me some advice. I am someone who do not know how to make myself happy! What should be the first step taken to making my decision about me?

I have never been partial to letting other people tell me what God's will is. I mean, they are down here on this earth just like me, what makes them think they know his will any better than I do.

Now, that said, what you should realize, and quickly, is that you only get one shot at this life thing, so if you live it and fail to make yourself happy, well then you only have yourself to blame.

I love God, and march to the beat of my own drum, and frankly so far I have enjoyed life immensely. I have helped people, and I have helped myself.

As far as remarrying goes, if you find someone in the fuuture you want to marry, and do not because of what others say to you. Well,then you will, once again, only have yourself to blame.

The first step should be fixing your inability to make yourself happy. Without that, you will always be looking to others (current or future spouse) to make you happy, and that is a recipe for disaster. Learn to make yourself happy, and you will gain the ability to accept partners (and others) for who they are, not for their ability to make you happy. That will also reduce their ability to make you unhappy. That way, you'll become a self-sufficient and well-differentiated person, which everyone should be before considering relationships.

AGG

Good guy is right. You need to find happiness within yourself, not in terms of other people.

I am Catholic. I never thought I would be divorced. Here I am. I now have a decision to make. I can stay in the Catholic church and never remarry within the Catholic church, or I can find another religion that accepts my beliefs that will not hinder me from marrying in the future. I haven't made a final decision yet, but I am leaning towards exploring new religious avenues. Yes, it is a big step and I am not taking it lightly. I will take it slow before I settle down with a new religion. I almost have to liken it to dating. Try dating God via new religions. See which one fits your new life.

Good luck!

if there was infidelity in the marriage i don't see anywhere in the bible where it says a spouse who divorces for that reason cannot remarry. follow the bible, not some church's man made rules.

mlhb

Only you can answer that. This statement alone, looking for validation from a group of strangers, shows just how deeply ingrained this pattern is for you.

I applaud you for standing up and wanting change for yourself. I HIGHLY recommend therapy/counseling. Is that an option for you?

Hi devastatedwife, yes I have already arranged to go to a counselor to help me deal with the divorce and what I have been going through. Infact, I will start next week. However, the counselor is a stranger also just like you all are. Counselors often give their advice and we accept what they give us. We don't know them but we take a chance at their advice. This is an online support group so I figured that it is just as good to get advice from some one here. Some advice that I've been given has been a great help.

All religions teach something different from the other. The churches I attended taught against dating different guys so I married the one that I thought was in love with me. He is the only one I ever dated. As you can see, I did not have anything to choose from. Considering he is the only one. In some people views, you are considered a "loose woman" if you date alot. I'm not the type of woman that would sleep with a man just because I go out on a date with him. However, I always had to be an example for the others. You know, people are always watching the Christians so we have to do everything right. I have tried all my life to be perfect and I just have not always been able to be perfect. This is why I have decided that when I do get interested in dating again, I will choose carefully and not just jump at anything. I feel that a person have to date more than one person in order to find your soul mate. Since this is something that I never did, I guess you can say that I am looking forward to something new and exciting. However, I will not be their bed partner! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I also do not want to get too relaxed and lose all dignity as a woman. Anyway, thank you for your advice! I am looking forward to my new life once I finally divorce. May God Bless You!

Hi mlhb, that is what I was thinking. Since my husband is the one that was unfaithful to me, I should be able to divorce him and remarry. I am finally beginning to follow the Bible and my heart. I am the one who is unhappy in this relationship so I guess I should not expect some of my friends, etc. to see my point of view about this matter. Some of them are not married, some are married and their spouse is faithful to them so how would they understand me?

I am still kind of nervous about making the step towards divorce but I feel that it is best for me.