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#1970014 11/12/07 08:13 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
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I posted on Emotional needs buthtink maybe I belong here? Not sure?

I am far from new here, but it has been a long time. I am now recently remarried after a very sad divorce due to infidelity on my Ex's part.

I truly never thought I would marry again, but after dating for several years I found a wonderful man who loves me for who I am. After a year and a half of dating this man 15 years my senior, we got married. He is a wonderfully kind man and he treats me well. He actually is very good to all the people in his life and my friends and family adore him. Which was quite a feat after my Ex exited their lives and left them all feeling betrayed.

My problem is that when we were dating he was physical and snuggly, VERY sexual. Our sex life was amazing.. But now that we are married he never wants to have sex. In fact I try to play or tease him and he tells me no.. not tonight.. He does this a lot. Many times he will let me play and he enjoys himself quite well, he climaxes and then he just goes to sleep.. Leaving me thinking what the heck just happened here?? I think, Is it me? Maybe he is having an affair? I know the signs and his lack of interest is one of them but there are no other signs. It is hard to know and no matter how many times I try to talk about it, he tells me he understands and maybe in the next few days we will have sex once.. but then he goes right back to ignoring me.

I travel a lot on business and he travels a bit too. Actually he travels more now than ever before. They keep laying people off and adding more work to everyone else. So I know he has a lot more stress. Yet no matter whether one of us is coming or going and how long we are apart he still is not interested.

Is it his age (54, is it me Or is he cheating? I am sad and feel alone even when he is home. When we are home at night he is always working. Although in the same room as me, he ignores me mostly. He goes to bed long after me so we don't even snuggle anymore. He is definitely not meeting my needs physically or emotionally and I don't know what to think or what to do next? I can’t live like this forever?

Joined: May 2006
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Is he depressed? Stressed? Just too "comfortable" now that he "has " you in marriage? It could be any number of things....
Not necessarily "cheating". My H has had some of the very same issues- but he has had some medical issues to deal with which has sparked a pretty tough bout of depression on his part (and mine) it's tough- we struggle daily.... but keep trying... Also- your H's AGE- has he had a prostate test???
Prostate trouble is a BIG one that can really dampen the sex life- and ultimately be a devastating health concern for men over 50.... Best of luck... keep posting, too... It may take awhile to get much response- but don't give up.


-not just 4myself anymore... for BOTH of us ...we survive together, or not at all....
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Hello 4myself!

You are in one of my most favorite states in the US!! I am a mountain girl at heart!! Get there at least 3 or 4 times in the winter and try at least once in the summer.. I dream of moving there someday when my little one grows up!!

So if he is depressed which I am really starting to think, what do I do to help him? Without freaking him out?

Last edited by eyes_wide_shut; 11/14/07 09:53 PM.
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Dear eyes wide shut,

You stated, "My problem is that when we were dating he was physical and snuggly, VERY sexual. Our sex life was amazing."

I don't know why you did this. After what you wrote about your ex's infidelity to you, why would you set yourself up for failure by doing the same thing? Infidelity is sex outside of marriage. You just walked into an marriage that has no foundation of trust.

You're going to have to talk to him about it and I'd certainly ask him if he's having an affair or an internet affair. He's getting his needs met somewhere and it isn't with you. Stress or no stress this isn't right.

Last edited by fresa; 11/15/07 10:09 AM.

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