So i had posted on this site about a month ago. I had just found out my husband had been sleeping with another woman since i was about 6 months pregnant. My daughter was about 5 weeks old when he told me and that he wanted to leave. That he had so much anger and resent me towards me. He said he just didn't know how to leave. He also didn't really have any place to go. The reason for the downfall of our marriage was that he blames me for being mean. For saying things to him when we would argue that hurt his feelings. that and i am a physcian assistant and i tend to work long hours. He didn't like that i worked so much. I worked so he could have a part time job and do what he enjoyed. He doesn't see it that way.

At any rate he has been fence sitting. He did go away and house sit for a week last week and came home on sunday. I told him for him to come home he had to stop talking to his gf. He said he didn't know if he could or would. I told him if he didn't he would have to leave. He as supposed to make this decission before he came home.

Now when he told the gf he was coming home she gave him back the necklace he bought her. She also has told him that she wants to speak to me but won't tell him what about.

Now he has been carrying around his cell phone in his pockets and hiding it at night so i can't find it. I feel like i am in high school. i also feel so rejected, unwanted, and an overall bad person for this to of happened. This was supposed to be the happiest time of my life with having my first child and all.

i just want to know if there is a chance he will actually stay or if he will go with the ow. i also just found out that about 3 weeks ago she was in my house and they had sex some place in here. she is 25 and has a 4 yr old of her own. i just don't understand what kind of woman would do this to another woman. he says they are in love and he sees a future with her.

NOw i have exposed the affair to all of our family and closest friends. And lets just say they are not happy. His family just keeps telling him it is up to him to decides.... they want him to stay with me but they won't tell him that directly they only tell me. They have told him he needs to stop talking to the other girl but he says he doesn't know how.

I just feel so lost and like this nightmare will never end

First off, I'm so sorry this is happening to yoy when you should be able to enjoy your precious new baby. Make sure to take every opportunity to pamper yourself and your little one. Try (I know that may seem impossible) to do some relaxing or fun things in spite of this most untimely betrayal.

Is there anybody else you can expose to? Do you know who the OW is? It may be good news that she wants to talk to you... typically the OW wants the secrecy to continue as long as possible, buying her time to get her claws deeper into your husband before the betrayed wife knows anything. If you can arrange a meeting with her make sure to take a trusted friend or two with you. A better option might be written communication with her, for documentation purposes.

Your husband can't take his cell phone in the shower with him or guard it while he's sleeping. Get it away from him somehow and find her phone number in there. You can then do a reverse look-up on the internet using her phone number to find her name and address. That's how I found out who my WXH's OW was (but I looked at his cell phone bill to get her number)

"They have told him he needs to stop talking to the other girl but he says he doesn't know how."

This is evidence of the addictive nature of adultery. You could bring this up with his family - that he might benefit from an family intervention meeting addressing the fact that he has admitted he has an addictive-compulsive-like need to stay in contact with the OW.

Oh, BTW don't refer to her as his 'girlfriend' - she's an adulteress, and OW (Other Woman). Terminology is very important and can have a big affect on whether something is accepted or opposed.

Also, be careful who you take advice from here. There are some posters here with little to no experience or knowledge of how to affectively end adultery and save a marriage. Read all the info provided at this site about Plan A, Plan B, His Needs/Her Needs. Your main task right now is exposure: tell everyone relevent about the adultery and your intention to fight for your marriage; ask for their assistance (not 'neutrality' - MANY people will keep quiet, giving the false impression they condone the adultery, unless you specifically ask them to help)

i have her name...number adress and a picture.....she is otherwise single.....

i have tried with his family but they tell me we have to do this on our own....his parents especially won't interfer....the blame me for his change in personality...saying i had to of done something to change him into the person he is now and not their son.

i just don't know how to deal with all of this....i feel like no matter what i do he is still going to leave me for good. i just don't know if i could ever trust another man again

Hi Bella,

To answer your main question... Most A's will eventually die a natural death if allowed to continue. It may take 6 months or it may take a year or two... but the "in love" feelings that they get can't last forever, especially when they start spending "real life" time together.

If you've exposed to his parents and they aren't willing to help you, then you need to put them in the "No Help" category... There are helpers (they will help end the A by putting additional pressure on the A partners) and then there are those that will offer no help.

I'm not saying that you should be ugly to his parents, just don't ask them for any additional help since they've shown that they are not willing to step up to the plate and help you.

Your H's "reasons" for the A are just that... reasons. Most people that get involved in an A can think of a million reasons as to why "it's right"... In reality, 100% of their "reasons" are just plain wrong... so don't listen to your H's "reasons" for the A.

Now, what you need to do is come up with a plan to END the A. Have you exposed to the OW's family? How about the OW's xH? Do they work together? If so, expose the A to their work. Are they in any civic organizations or clubs together? If so, expose the A to them as well. Does the OW work with children or at a school? If so, expose to her work... You are looking for anyone and everyone that can help put pressure on the A to bring it to a quick end.

Exposure isn't done to "get back" at the A partners... the sole purpose for exposure is to end the A.

Please read up on Plan-A... I know this is hard stuff, but if you want to win your H back, you're going to have to learn how to meet his ENs and show him your best side.

Try not to focus on the situation... I know it's not pleasant, and you most likely feel like you're the only person in the world that's having to deal with this... but there are many people here that have been right where you are now. The MB plan is sound and many, many couples have rebuilt their M by following Dr. Harley's advice...

Please keep posting here and let us know if you have any specific questions.

Semper Fi,

RIF

You've gotten good advice so far. I'm still pretty new here and am still learning.

Listen to the folks here, they KNOW their stuff.

My personal advice to you is to eliminate ALL love busters and try to meet your H's ENs as much as he will let you, while instilling some sort of boundaries. Read as much as you can on this site, it will help you immensely.

If you are looking to save your marriage, you have come to the right place... Do not lose hope.