Where do I go read more about plan A & B?

Moonlight_Flower,

Here's a link to an article about Plans A and B. I also replied to you on your other thread in the Divorcing/divorced forum. I included some links there for you to read as well.

If you want a lot of responses, you might want to tell your story in the GQII forum under infidelity. Try not to be put off by some of the shouting matches going on right now.

Here's the link: What Are Plan A and B

But unless I misunderstood your other post, you might not need either one right now. What is the status of your H's affair? Didn't you say that he had ended it, is showing remorse and is wishing to work on repairing the damage that has been done and it is you who is having second thoughts about that?

Rebuilding after infidelity can be slow and agonizing, but the tools to do so are here. The book Fall In Love - Stay In Love can give you tools to rebuild the trust and love that you once had. You can love your husband again.

Mark

Hi Mark,

He told me he has not talk or seen her in six months, but I also heard that before so I doubt it very much. He said he wants to work on the marriage, but at this point, I just don't think there is anything else to work out other than the well being of my two sons. He said he was sorry for hurting me, but at the same time was out the door when I walk in. His excuse, I'm going to play poker. He call it his job. I hate to be so nagative and hopeless, but I put up with him for five years now and I have no steam left in me so I think I'll just call it quit. In the beginning, I tried to meet his needs, tried to be understanding and cook for him, clean for him like nothing happen. Tell him I still love him and the whole nine yard, but now looking back, I should have just ended the marriage when I first found out. Any advice...

Hi Moonlight...

It sounds like you tried to do more to get more...

The do more you tried to do more of were the "dutiful wife" type things. Apparently, they are not compelling. Honestly, I'd step out of that level attempt and go back more to the relationship type building things of dating your spouse more.

June Cleaver isn't all that attractive to men.

I say that because the "wife" role that women think brings out the "husband" role... doesn't really "trip the trigger" of some guys.

So... my first thought would be to "ditch that" as the method of success in restoring romantic love. Just look squarely at it and say, "it didn't work"... and try re-creating love by restoring romantic attraction outside the picket fence... in the nightlife... dating... having fun together... just the 2 of you... like you're not really Ward and June.

Domesticity may be what you think "should" work... but it may actually be what's responsible for deflating your marriage??? Cause it's not all that attractive to some guys???

(if it is to others - great - but if it's not to your spouse... what was it about meeting and dating that caused the 2 of you to fall in love in the first place? i'd try to go back and do that... as a first suggestion.)

Please let me know what you think. It's my "gut feeling"... and wonder if it's "on track"... at least to your spouse.

What do you think?

What are some things you used to do that you are not doing now as a couple due to all the added responsibilities of children and home and settled "marriage"?

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Have a great day!

If it was once there - it CAN be rekindled... don't give up hope. It's on the verge of igniting... if you poru the right fuel on the relationship.

That's what I'm thinking.

Please don't give up hope - but please do consider things from another angle and another methodology and approach perhaps?

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