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_Ace_ Offline OP
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NOTE: Verse two has been started; hence the title change.

Sexymamabear and tst have inspired me to write a poem I posted on the poetry forum about my DH's and my recent challenge in the middle of our vacation. I've taken a week off MB, but DH has encouraged me to post....so I am.....during vacation....while DH sleeps.

My inspiration is from smb's comments that her M with tst seems to be on track to be better than before.

I've named the poem "Beyond THE BEFORE". What the heck, instead of retelling the story, I'll just paste the poem here, too.

*****

Beyond THE BEFORE
(New & Improved...in Spite of the Asinine Alien)

by Ace

Here I sit….
A year has gone by…
That asinine alien refused to just die.

I left on vacation…
No time for MB…
That alien returned to my husband and me.

It brought with it selfishness,
Anger and pride…
And ambushed my H as we went for a ride.

It felt like regression
Just like D-day 4…
Back when I gave up and then showed H the door.

Some false expectations
A selfish demand...
Propelled the exchange which then got out of hand.

It stirred up more love busters,
Mean things were said…
It’s scary what aliens can do to your head.

Our MC was gone
And I’d been off MB….
We sought God’s assistance, He’s never failed me.

The power of prayer
And time to discuss…
Revealed just what forces had overcome us…

Eventually coolness
and logic prevailed…
We soon learned some causes for why we derailed.

He seemed so defensive
And I gave up hope
But together we clawed up that slippery slope.

My H was so broken,
He shared such remorse…
But I owned my part for what got us off course.

And as tears were flowing
“I’m sorry” was said…
And soon an idea came for this new thread.

“Beyond the Before….”
Our marriage improves…
…in spite of that asinine alien’s moves…

…and NO, I’m not thankful
for my husband’s A…
…despite it our marriage is better today.

Our MC says broken bones
take time to mend…
But scar tissue makes them more strong in the end.

So now that our marriage…
…has suffered the scars…
…from asinine alien attacks on what’s ours…

…We’re learning to recognize
alien wiles….
…and building more passion in spite of its trials.

We’re getting resilient,
And loving much more…
Thank God for our marriage Beyond THE BEFORE .

******

Thanks for reading.

Ace

P.S. Has anyone else felt their M was on track to be a NEW AND IMPROVED version in spite of the A?

Edited to change title.


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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Wow Ace! Oh how true all you say is!

…and NO, I’m not thankful
for my husband’s A…
…despite it our marriage is better today.


I really feel this but with hesitancy. Maybe it's to soon for me, I'm still working on me and why I'm so scared to commit to our M.


EA4-7/07,Dday7/29,NC 7/30/07
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2 DD,4 GC
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what mvg said.

right now, our marriage is how it was right before the first Dday. Working on my fear to open up. Still clawing up that slippery slope...


Me-BS-38
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Quote:

…and NO, I’m not thankful
for my husband’s A…
…despite it our marriage is better today.







I was going to quote this same line. I don't think I could ever feel thankful for all that I have suffered. But right at this moment, I can see God working all things together for good...

I feel that I am way too early in this recovery to say too much, but I am honored that our story inspired you, Ace. You, too, have inspired me.

I hope years down the road, what God has done with both our marriages will be even more inspiring.


Happily married to HerPapaBear



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Beautiful poem, Ace! I love it! I think it will give hope to those wanting to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

When I first came to these boards back in 2000, desperate for answers, I found them and the support. I did feel back then once we hit recovery that we were back on track and headed towards a marriage that was better than before.

It was! We're struggling a bit to find our way again. No A's, just enabling and neglect. So, we'll see if the "back on track" comes back!

I know this will inspire many!

LL


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I sincerely feel that both of us INDIVIDUALLY and OUR MARRIAGE are BETTER THAN BEFORE...

But it certainly took LONGER THAN A YEAR...in RECOVERY TERMS..A YEAR IS LIKE A MONTH...IMO..

And I think it's well-documented in psychological literature that those that SUCCESSFULLY RECOVER from MAJOR TRAGEDIES have RESILIENCE and often turn out BETTER IN THE END...

I really BELIEVE that TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS...wounds that are TREATED, that is...


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Acey,



Mark

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I read an article (can't remember where) that most marriages will recover after 5 years, even with very little work, as long as the spouses stay together, living together, without introduction of any NEW trauma.

That being said, it stands to reason that even if only ONE spouse is initially making changes, this timeline could be cut back a bit.

Now, where did I leave that antiseptic?


Me-BS-38
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Hey Acey!

That was great! 1/2 the battle is just recognizing when you and DH start down that slippery slope of "bad" communications...

Now go enjoy the rest of your vacation!

Semper Fi,

RIF


Me, BS

Her, Forgiven

Married Dec 86

Multiple A's that ended '90

Rebuilding In Faith since then...

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In reflection...

After about 2-3 years of "recovery" from multiple affairs, our marriage got back to the point it was "before the affairs".

That's when the REAL work on the marriage and our relationship began. Fixing all that was broken BEFORE the affairs.

Today, we are working on putting each other first, and learning to appreciate much more what the other brings to the marriage.

Taking each other for granted, total lack of communication, a great deal of lack of respect for each other's contributions to the marriage, and a failure to spend Harley's 15 hours a week in quality face-to-face time together were pretty much the areas that brought our marriage to it's knees.

Keeping those concepts on the front burner in our daily interactions, and holding each other to continue doing so, has brought a great deal of growth to our marriage.

That is not to say it's all a bed of roses, as we, like everyone else, have good days and bad. Life happens, and you have to deal with a host of events that try to interfere with the intimacy of a marriage. Even at our best, we still do not live up to the expectations of our spouses. But we try, and have the MB principles to guide us.

Summed up, our marriage is better than "before", and steadily, albeit slowly, still improving.


BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04

***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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Great poem Acey! Beyond "the before"? Most definitely. Before wasn't all that great... it just "was". Now it's better than just "is".

We both put forth an effort daily (cause that's what it takes).

It's been a little uncomfortable... unlearning all those bad habits... but we're getting there (thanks MB!) and SO much better than "the before."


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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_Ace_ Offline OP
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Edited to add quote on Friday now that I've seen that Mimi posted it before leaving MB last (Thursday) night. Thanks Mimi:

Quote:

I really BELIEVE that TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS...wounds that are TREATED, that is...




Time heals wounds, as long as they're treated.

I am so glad for MB to help us treat these wounds. (Our tough MC helps too). You're right, Mimi, thanks.

I'm still on vacation and I dropped my wireless mouse which needs a new battery anyhow.....so when I get that new battery, I'll reply to others....thanks for all your kind comments.

Ace

Last edited by Ace_in_bucket; 11/16/07 08:45 AM.

FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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_Ace_ Offline OP
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mvg,

I agree that you must stay hesitant at this early date:

Quote:

…and NO, I’m not thankful
for my husband’s A…
…despite it our marriage is better today.


I really feel this but with hesitancy. Maybe it's to soon for me, I'm still working on me and why I'm so scared to commit to our M.




You are very early...remember it's been a year for me....and I am still a rookie at this too. (Maybe not a newbie on MB, but indeed still a rookie.)

Keep going, mvg...baby steps.....injesting a bit as you go....it will come with time as long as you're seeking and receiving help....like it appears that you are.

Ace


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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Ace,

You rock girl!! I can only hope that WH gives us the chance to find out for sure....


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Ace, every couple who earnestly attempts recovery sees improvements in their marriage, in my experience.

Those who value what they gain through recovery more than what they lost by the affair are blessed indeed !

Nice poem by the way !


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Quote:

Those who value what they gain through recovery more than what they lost by the affair are blessed indeed !





I love your perspective here.


Happily married to HerPapaBear



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Ace,

Quote:

P.S. Has anyone else felt their M was on track to be a NEW AND IMPROVED version in spite of the A?




Great poem. I mentioned it to my DH and told him he should venture on over here and read it.

My DH and I can both attest to the fact our marriage is new and improved in spite of the A. We both wish it could have been w/i it, but unfortunately it didn't work out that way. I am thankful for what we have now though.

LC





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_Ace_ Offline OP
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Hi SL,

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your post. I saw your thread on the shirt shredding solution. When you take that stand and refuse to give in, things will change. At least they did for me.

Keep pushing on and staying strong.

Ace


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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_Ace_ Offline OP
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Sexymamabear,

What a blessing you and tst are to these boards.

Quote:

But right at this moment, I can see God working all things together for good...




You will inspire many in the future as you focus on your own healing right now. But it's great to see you reaching out to others in similar sitchs (like Mishes) in the meantime.

Thank you,

Ace


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Hi Acey,

I'm not a big fan of half arsed poetry on MB but thankfully yours doesn't fall into that category. LOL.

Quote:

…and NO, I’m not thankful
for my husband’s A…
…despite it our marriage is better today





That resonates with me.

Our d-day was in August 2005 - I've forgotten how many months ago that is now LOL (it's 27 but I had to count it up). There was a time when I always knew how long ago it was.

This last weekend we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with some friends and family as we renewed our wedding vows.

On Wednesday, we head off to Samoa for a week in the sun and celebrate each other and Gods goodness to us.

MB works. It, accompanied by submission to God's purposes saved our marriage.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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