I TRIED and I TRUSTED; He LIED, then got BUSTED!!!

(Verse two)

While I was here needing
to find my true role,
my DH was seeking
to curb my control

Subconsciously first,
then a chance to defy
evolved to a blatant
and self-serving lie

That Alien returned
saying "she'll never know"
and one little lie soon
just started to grow....

....it multiplied, mutated,
took on more steam....
that Alien concocted
a fraudelent scheme

For 4 days it simmered
while DH was trusted....
...one innocent phone call...
and DH was busted

I asked him again
so that he could come clean...
but he told more lies
in a tone that seemed mean

I turned to my journal
creating a vent....
...for MC and 2 friends
and after I sent....

...that venting epistle,
I felt so much better...
...it's quite therapeutic
to just write a letter

The rest of the weekend
went really quite well...
DH was respectful
and cautious as ....heck. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

But after the weekend,
we saw our MC....
...he blasted my DH
but spoke quietly....

MC said the one thing
H needs is, in short....
...to just tell the truth,
or at least 'self-report!'

It's been a whole year
and there'll be many more...
...as we fight these battles
to win the whole war...

We can beat that alien
who still tries to score...
...by giving us head-aches
and age-lines galore...

...But as we succeed
and each other adore...
...Our marriage get's BETTER
than B'YOND the BEFORE!

THE END (I hope!)

Thanks for reading.

Ace

P.S. Has anyone else discovered that the scars from the lies of infidelity have healed (or are healing) so that your R and M are actually on track to be better than they were before your spouses' affair?

[quote] P.S. Has anyone else discovered that the scars from the lies of infidelity have healed (or are healing) so that your R and M are actually on track to be better than they were before your spouses' affair? [quote]

Hey Acey! Great part II <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Yes, our M is so much better... rebuilding is a long and painful process... but if BOTH the H & W are willing to invest in the M and each other and are willing to work THROUGH the issues, then it IS possible to rebuild the M into a stronger, deeper M than either one ever thought was possible.

Rebuilding is a life-long process for me... I will always keep rebuilding with Mrs. RIF. M is hard work and it's so easy to take our spouse for granted.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Ace,

I'm curious. What does your DH think of your poem?

LC

Thanks for asking, LC. I read Verse 1 to him while we were on vacation and had time. I wrote Verse 2 and hit submit in the early morning hours so I forgot to have him read it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> (But we had discussed this last night so when I called him over to read Verse 2, I was not surprised when he hugged me and said he was impressed and that he hopes it helps someone.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's almost like he's starting to be able to look at 'that alien inhabited adulterer' as another person now......which is going to be a good thing, I hope. It's only been a week since he lied, though, so 'that alien' is still lurking....time will tell. I remain cautiously guarded, but optimistically hopeful at the same time.

Has your DH showed any inclination to read poetry of any kind? I truly would like to know how he feels about both the structure of my poem and its message, maybe not in that order, though. If your DH reads this, please let him know I'd appreciate his critique....or anyone else's opinion for that matter.

Again, thanks for asking, LC.

My turn to be curious......what would you think if your DH had written this poem a year after D-Day after you lied again just a week prior to Verse 2?

Just wondering,

Ace

P.S. Will reply to your post later, RIF. Thanks.

LIFE LONG PROCESS....those are mighty strong words, RIF, but you're right. That mindset is what it will take.

I triggered tonight when A Beautiful Mind was on TV and I saw the part about John Nash's wife realizing that her husband had a condition that created lies to himself and others unintentionally. The enormousity of my being set back an entire year brings your statement on strong now that DH outright lied both on the year anniversary ~~~of his lying on D-Day #4 (Verse 1), and on the 13th month after D-Day #4 (Verse #2).

It IS a life long process.........so what? Set back a year? What's that in relationship to our lifetime?

(Interesting that DH said that if it would help, he would undergo shock treatment John Nash did in the movie if it would help him stop lying.)

I'm counting on the support I get here on MB to be able to withstand rebuilding another year. If DH is like he's been this past week post MC session, we'll be fine. But........
time will tell......

Thanks,
Acey

Hey Acey! I'll be here for at least another year... and time is going to tell that you and your DH will be just fine!

It takes time to get into the "good" habits that you're both learning... your actions (and not RE-action) to the latest event is proof that YOU are learning... I suspect that this will have a very positive effect on your DH... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Semper Fi,

RIF

Acey - are you saying you discovered more lies recently?

Hey BigK - Acey's H lied about a medical appointment and it triggered Acey... that's why she was off the boards last weekend.

She waited until she and H could talk with their MC.

How's it going down under? You guys are having your summertime now, right?

Semper Fi,

RIF

Hi RIF,

Yep it's summer. Really nice weather. I don't think we've ever posted to each other before. Keep yer head down mate.

Ace - you go girl!

And "yes," in answer to your "P.S."

God bless.

Hey BigK - No, I don't think we've posted before... I've seen you around the boards and BobP speaks VERY highly of you, so any friend of BP is a friend of mine! One of these days, I'm going to take Mrs. RIF on a trip to Australia! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hey FH! Welcome to the Night-Shift! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

*** Sorry for the TJ Acey... ***

Semper Fi,

RIF

Hi BK,




Yeah, BK it's true. But let me introduce ya to my good friend RIF. Can't believe you guys have never posted to each other but I'm honored it happened on my poetry thread.

FH...gotta hit submit before I can check what PS you're referring to. One thing I never did tell either you or RIF, I saw his name continuously on Idiotville back when I thought it was an offensive thread and he kept bumping it when it had finally fallen off the first page. But then I saw where he greeted you, FH with respect and admiration, so I decided to see who this 'RIF' guy was.....and lo and behold he just showed up soon after that on the Fishing Thread Mark started for me and others on the Recreation forum. Have you read any of that thread, FH? It was tremendously helpful in my wanting to want to go fishing......and sooooo much more. It doesn't even matter if you like to fish or not. The lessons, Mark weaves into his fishing stories are sooooo insightful. If you do check it out, tell Mark I sent you. He'll appreciate your thoughts, I'm sure.

Thanks for the encouragement, all of you.

Acey

P.S. BK, for all the details of my recent 'crisis,' the link to my Smiles & Trials 2 recovery thread is just after Verse 1 and before Verse 2 of the poem on page 3.

Ace,


I pointed this out to him and even pulled it up on his computer for him. I told him it was completely up to him if he chose to register and post a reply.


Hmm, I will think about this. I need to get ready because we have a ton of errands to run today. I will say, I did do quite a bit of lying for a while, mostly lying by ommission vs outright lying, but still lying. I ALWAYS knew when I was doing it, most of the time I felt like I was doing it to protect my DH, but in all reality I was doing it to protect myself from actually having to own everything.

LC

Love to meet you if you're ever in these parts RIF.

BobP is a great mate. He speaks very highly of you as well.

Hi Ace,

I'm LC's DH. I have read your poem and thought it was very nice. I remember the weeks following D-day posting a poem of my own on a different message board. My poem was named "innocence lost" and discussed more what I was feeling at the time of the betrayal. Your poem speaks volumes to the difficulty of rebuilding anything on an untested foundation (trust). It is all too easy to fall back into "old habits and patterns" leading us to yet another downfall. I would love to say that some of that is a "guy thing", but I think that would be too much of a generalization. Anyway, kudos to the poem.

Doc

Hi Docp! Welcome to the board. We think very highly of your wife, lifeschoice, and are glad you have popped in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Docp,

Thank you for making time to read my poem. I would like to read yours, too. LC has been sooo helpful to me and others here. So glad you've joined us and I'm honored that your first post was on this thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Like Mel, I welcome you to Marriagebuilders. And thanks for your kinds words.

Ace

FH, BK, RIF.....I'm moving your friendly banter over to the Vacation thread cuz I have an idea but don't want to TJ this thread. I may not get to it today, but I will this week.

BK, have you ever been lurking on the 20-90 Something Vacation thread? Love to have you join us. FH posted a bit there last summer, but RIF is the regular nightshifter, keeping the recovery vacation going overnight. (They call me Acey over there, but you were the first to call me that after LA did.)

Join us anytime, BK and FH. Every recovery needs a break or two now and then, right?

Ace

Hey Doc!!!

Welcome to MB!!! So glad that you've joined us!

Semper Fi,

RIF

THANKS FOR TJing this thread, RIF. I think it's a sign, as LC suggested on the Vacation thread. So was the BBQ conversation on the Crybabies and Complainers thread where Big Kahuna 'offered' Australian BBQ and then invited US ALL over so he could prove it's better than Texan or Californian or any other stateside BBQ, especially Outback!

Hey Doc, if you're still reading....we'd love to have you and LC join us....I asked Mr. romAnCE last night and he is excited to go down under in Fall of '09 or Spring of 2010. (When they take photos, we'll be the ones with the bags over our heads!!!!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

And Doc, I'd also be honored if you'd share at least a portion of your success story from your perspective on the Success Stories thread. Thanks for posting your thoughts....it really means alot to me and others. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ace