HI all - thanks for making this forum possible.
6 weeks ago I found xxxrated pictures on H computer along with over 100 xxx videos. (I also found the same thing about 4 years ago and I thought he stopped.) We have 2 daughters. I was disgusted and desided to leave. He claimed he has always had porn and it was nothing new. He was very relieved I was leaving, retained a lawyer, moved out of the bedroom and we proceeded with a separation aggreement. He maintained that he had been faithful (over and over again that he never consumatted anything) - just had a porn issue.
We found MB web site and desided to give the marriage a chance with couselors and MB workwook etc.. as we were working to save our marriage he decided to come clean with a past long term affair with a good friend and other assorted indiscretions. That was one week ago.
H has agreed to NC with OW but had lunch with OWH and told him (They were very good friends) now OW is mad as ****** and came over to ****** at H. (What am I supposed to do throw her out? She has been a good friend to me for the last 5 years and the A was over 2 years ago!

So now H says "all is out in the open" and he thinks it time I invite him back into the bedroom.

Is there a time frame for getting back into bed with a WH?
I have so many feelings going on I have a hard time sorting them all out.

Your advice/comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Whenever you're comfortable with it and want to, that's the time frame.

That's pretty rough to have all that dumped on you like that. It is a good thing that your H is telling you the truth, it was the truth before and you just didn't know it. However, it is very unreasonable for him to expect that you just be OK with it because he told you the truth about himself. What, does he think he deserves a medal?

If he's familiar with MarriageBuilders, he should know that the truth is just the beginning. Now that you know the truth, it is up to you, not him, to decide how to deal with it.

This is such an awesome story!! I am so happy for you two. Your husband put so much trust in you when he divulged his other issues. Wow. He definitely loves you.

On the bedroom issue, I would say to pray about that. God will tell you when the time is right.

Yeah, she was such a good friend that she screwed your H behind your back... hello!

You should never let her darken the walls of your home ever again. She is not a real friend to either you or your M.



When the time's right for you, you will know it. For me, it took about three weeks before I could think of having SF with my FWW again.

Thanks all,
Things are much better now. H is learning how to be considerate as descibe in Love Busters.
Here is the situation that concerns me:
H is into porn, chating on line, and exchanging nasty pictures with women online and searching for women around town for sex. ANY women. (I would not even rule out men.) He gets Urgent for sex. he knows its an addiction and is working on it but it concerns me.
Dr. Harley says "cut off all contact with the OW"
I am afraid H sees (looks for) Any woman as a potential sex partner. - So, it's not like "stop having contact". It's more like having a food addition - you can't stop eating - food is everywhere.
The only way for me to know he is being faithful is by his own admission. And that, like an addict is clerely deceitful.
How do I trust him?
He says he wants to stop but I know that it is difficult for him. There are available women out there just waiting for a guy like him to come along.

I am totally on board with taking every possible precaution to guard against an afair.
Perhaps after a couple years, will I be able to let my guard down and trust him fully?

Thanks again,

This site Rocks.